Love Me Forever
by CrazyBeCat
Summary: Castle and Kate are finally engaged. With murders happening all around them, a demented fan wanting her favorite author for herself and a secret Kate's hiding will the two of them still be able to go through with their 'I do's?   T/M: Language/Intimacy
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1

Frustration

Beckett sighed heavily and frowned, _God this just isn't fair!_ Chucking the small stick she had in her hand at the trashcan she sucked in a shaky breath when she missed, which meant she had to go look at it again in order to throw it away properly. _All right, Katherine, keep your cool, it could be false. There's a small chance it could be false. I may not be adding any more craziness to Castle's life._ Kate steadied her breath and felt remotely relieved at her reasoning. Closing the toilet lid she sat down and buried her face in the heels of her hands.

"Katie? You ready to go? We're already late," Castle called from outside the door.

Taking a deep breath she shoved her emotions down to bring up later, put on her happy face and replied, "Oh God, yeah, I'll be right out just need to wash my hands!" Standing swiftly she grabbed the test, unfortunately spotting the now pink line before she buried it at the bottom of the trash bin. Stepping to the sink she quickly rinsed her hands, dried them, and left the bathroom.

"Hey there sweetheart, for a moment there I thought you went AWOL on me. I know that this whole book signing thing is tough, but you know how much people have said they'd love for you to sign them too," Rick smiled sexily as he brushed his lips over hers.

"No, I'm sorry just lost track of time," She laughed lightly, hiding her heavy heart, linked fingers with her fiancé and led him out of the loft with her high heels clacking all the way.

* * *

"I'd like to thank you all for coming tonight. Also, thank you for being so warm and welcoming to Detective Beckett as she joined me here with you all," Richard smiled at all his adoring fans, looking at Beckett as the audience began clapping, cheering, and whistling like wild animals. He motioned her up and she blushed faintly, smiling as she joined him at the podium. Waving professionally she laughed when a guy in the front dog whistled and winked.

After a few more minutes of havoc Castle hushed the crowd, "Well we have a few minutes for questions so in an orderly fashion, please," He laughed a little before he continued, "raise your hands and Beckett and I shall go back and forth calling on you."

"Wait, I'm going to be asking your fans for questions?" Kate turned to him with a quizzical look plastered to her face.

"Aww, you scared?" He smiled and put his arm around her shoulder drawing him closer to him, "They aren't just my fans are you?" Castle laughed when the horde of people screamed in agreement and his fiancé's face turned bright red, "All right you guys, hands up, I'll choose first."

Immediately the chatter and cheering stopped as everyone's hands began waving around in the air hoping for Castle to call on them, "All right, man in the yellow ball cap, ask away!" He called out over the hands, pointing to the man in the back.

"Castle? When are you two going to announce your engagement? Come on man, we all know you two are going out!"

Kate put her hand on Castle's chest as he opened his mouth to reply, "No Castle, let me answer this one." Smiling she raised her left hand from her side and flashed the gorgeous ring she'd received earlier that month.

The mob of devoted followers gasped in admiration as a diamond sparkled in the light surrounded by five smaller sized sapphires, and those had five rubies nestled into the corners they made, "He proposed on Tuesday four weeks ago, seeing that today is Saturday, we've been engaged now for four weeks and five days," She grinned mysteriously and wrapped her arms around Castle, leaning into his chest as the crowd, for the hundredth time, became unruly in their roars and shouts of congratulations. Shutters and flashes from cameras shot off rapidly. Ryan, Esposito, Montgomery and Lanie all smiled from the side where they were standing, and Alexis was beaming from her front row seat. She had been surprised they were able to contain the secret, but had trusted them and they had held up their end of the bargain.

"Castle? How is your daughter taking all of this?" Hollered out a reporter.

"How is this going to affect any of the following Nikki Heat novels?" Said another.

"If the man hadn't asked would you have announced it any time soon?"

Castle put his hands up and tried to get the group to quiet down, "Whoa, people, one at a time. Come on, give a guy a break, you expect me to just come out and say 'I'm engaged to my inspiration?' right after she says 'yes'?"

Suddenly as if on queue, the entire room broke out into a unanimous answer of, "Yes!"

"O…K… well we told you now didn't we? Look, our marriage won't affect me to continue to write Nikki Heat novels. My daughter is to be left out of this for now, as is my mother. Though they're happy, this is not to be any of their concern, if you have questions or comments you come to me, or on rare occasion, Detective Beckett. I believe we'd both prefer for you to bother me, since Beckett is usually out in the city saving lives." Castle appeased the rowdy guests finally getting them to quiet down, "I'm sorry but that's all the time we have. Sadly we've spent too much time talking about my engagement that we aren't able to answer any more questions. I will be available for a short while once I step off the podium if there's something quick you may want to ask me, but other then that I'm waiting till next time." Nodding to his fans he took Beckett's hand in his, and stepped off the small stage in the bookstore to the applause of the audience. Despite not getting to ask more questions, they were pleased with what they had found out, and would definitely be reading about it in the morning paper.

Smiling gaily Beckett was surprised when her phone began buzzing in the pouch of her purse. Grabbing it swiftly she looked at the unknown Caller I.D. and answered, "Beckett," Her smile faded and her eyes became distant.

"Murder? Where?" Castle touched her shoulder pulling her from listening to the man on the other line.

Taking the phone from her ear she ended the call and replied, "Fifty-fourth and Lexington. They want us there immediately." Walking into the crowd she caught Lanie's eye and nodded firmly. As the people milling about squeezed passed her, and tried to ask her questions she saw Lanie talking to the guys and knew that Lani had understood, "Excuse me, detective coming through," She shoved through the mob with Castle at her heels until the finally reached the door and stepped outside.

"What seems to be the issue?" Lanie asked when the others filed out the door.

"Fifty-fourth and Lexington, we're wanted there now," Kate addressed them firmly, spun on her heel and continued to Castle's car. When he wasn't there with her she looked quizzically back at him, "Are you coming?"

"Oh, yeah," Castle skittered away from the gang to catch up with her and called over his shoulder, "we'll see you there."

* * *

**Disclaimer:** However much I wish Castle were mine, it's not. I do not own Castle, and never will (but one can wish right?)

**A/N: Hope you enjoy, this is my first ever Fan Fiction and I'm excited to be writing it. :) Enjoy, and reviews are appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

Ch.2

Loosely hung murder

"All right what do we have Dr. Perlmutter?" Kate asked as she and the gang walked up to the body hanging limply from a tree.

"Male vic, somewhere between the ages of twenty and thirty, I'm guessing. From the looks of it he died not from asphyxiation, but instead blunt force trauma to the side of his skull, then he was hung here," Dr. Perlmutter replied from the cherry picker he was on in order to be able to investigate the body.

"Time of death? Any I.D.?" Beckett squinted against the light that Dr. Perlmutter shined down on them, as it was beginning to get dark.

"I'd say by the temperature of his body, ah, five or six hours ago. He has no I.D. on him, and there are a few checking around, but I don't think that any will be found. You can see by the street there," He directed the light and their eyes followed to a small trail in the grass by the curb, "that the body must have been drug through a slightly muddy spot there. On the sidewalk there's a partial print, a few dried mud marks, and on the victims back there's some caked onto his jacket."

Ryan frowned as he jumped into the conversation, "So we've got a man, with no I.D., who was drug from somewhere after getting hit in the head, then hung here?"

"Looks like we've got a John Doe on our hands," Esposito finished his partner's thoughts as he went to examine the marks by the side of the road with Ryan close behind him.

"What if the hanging's symbolic or something, stands for something," Castle said as he wrapped his arm around Kate when he noticed her shiver in her lightweight dress she had worn to the signing.

"Have any ideas?" She asked him.

"Well… uh... at the moment, no."

"Enlighten us when you figure something out," she replied tartly, irritated that he'd say something like that but didn't have a story to back it up, although she had thinking it herself.

"What's wrong girl?" Lani looked over from her position under the body where she studied afar hoping she may find something that Perlmutter may have accidentally missed before they took the body off to the morgue for further tests.

Beckett exhaled sharply, "Sorry, just a little tired, and irritated," she elbowed Castle in the side to show who with before she went on, "I'm cold and fidgety, I can only imagine what type of press we'll be having around the precinct now that Castle and I have announced our engagement."

"Hey, don't worry, we'd all be happy to help get rid of them all if they begin to bother you." Lani comforted from where she stood, "Is that all?" She gave her friend her famous 'don't lie to me' look and crossed her arms.

"Besides the fact that we have a John Doe hanging from a tree, no, nothing."

"You positive?"

"I believe so, what else could be wrong?" Kate laughed inwardly at the sick irony of what her friend had asked her.

"You tell me girl," Lani raised her eyebrows and stepped out of the way of the medic who began taking the body from the tree.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing. Although I am a bit hungry," Kate smiled reassuringly and thought to herself, _and possibly pregnant, which wouldn't be any help to Castle's wacky life with his new book out, and now our engagement out in the open._

"We're going to go look around and see if there was anything missed. I'll also call the other precincts and see if anyone can I.D. him. We'll have his face put out, because so far we haven't found any evidence that can lead to us finding out who our mystery man is." Esposito called from where the marks were and left with Ryan.

Castle hugged her tighter, "Well you know you can talk to me or any of the others if there's something wrong, and we can get dinner at home."

"At home? You two livin' together now?" Lani smirked and nodded to the driver of the morgue truck, "I'll be 'round in a few, go ahead and get him prepped."

Kate laughed at Castle's sexy smile he gave Lani when he answered, "What? You expect Kate to live in her own apartment when we get married?" He arced his brow in his usual teasing manner and continued, "No not yet, but we are in the process of moving her things into my house, so if that counts then yes, my fiancé is now living with my family."

A smile tugging at her fair lips and Kate laughed, "Yes, Lani, we are starting to move my stuff into his apartment, so eventually I will be living with him. Castle before it's completely dark we're going to ask around and see if anyone noticed anything suspicious."

"Hold on, I don't think you need too, we found a girl who said she saw a red van pull through here and swore she saw someone drag a body from the back. She ran because she thought the person with the body had seen her," Esposito and Ryan returned with a ratty, dirty young lady following slowly behind them.

"Why didn't she call in?" Castle asked.

"Because I was afraid," the woman said in a hoarse, quiet voice. She was looking down, and had her hair in her face, hiding from them.

Kate frowned and took a step toward her, "Why were you afraid of calling the police?"

"Because I was," she didn't raise her head instead she flinched a little when Kate got closer to her.

"What's your name darling, and why are you telling us now?" Kate asked soothingly, gently, like one may treat a scared kitten.

"Natasha… he asked me if I saw anything," she pointed at Ryan with her head still facing the ground.

Kate moved closer and tried to look at the girl's face but Natasha looked in the other direction, "Could I know your last name Natasha?"

"No."

"Could you look at me for a minute?"

"No."

"And why is that Natasha?"

Beckett put her hand on Natasha's shoulder surprised when the girl shied away from her touch, "I don't want to," came her panicky reply.

Stepping back a little to give Natasha space, Kate responded tenderly, "I won't hurt you, Natasha. Whatever you're afraid of, you don't have to be afraid of anyone here. None of us will harm you. The reason we became a cop is to help people."

"Don't touch me."

"Are you hurt Natasha? Did something happen?" Castle interjected before Kate could answer. Ignoring her dirty look he continued, "Because I can tell you that by hiding the fact that you're hurt won't make it better. In fact it'll get worse, because you'll never get help. Beckett is a very good person, who wants to help you, because she cares," paying no heed to Natasha's request that no one was to touch her, he gently took a hold of her wrist and drew her into a serene hug, not holding tight, but not allowing her to totally get away from him.

Despite it being a mess, he softly stroked her hair, and smiled when she began to cry, knowing he'd done his job, "Detective Beckett will help you if you let her know what's the matter. When you're ready to explain what happened earlier when you saw the red van, that's when you can talk about it. But first, let's make sure you're ok. Ok?"

"Ok," Natasha sniffed and pulled herself from Castle's embrace, "ok," she brushed her hair from her face and looked up so everyone could see her face.

"Oh, my… God," Kate gasped as her hand flew to her mouth. The whole left side of Natasha's face was swollen, and bruised so bad she looked like Two Face from batman and her eye was sealed shut from the swelling, "what happened to you?"

Natasha's right eye had tears streaming from it and her shoulder's were jerking up and down as she tried to talk. Her mouth opened and closed several times, and a sad, choking sound came out as she just cried harder. Kate shook her head and looked at Esposito, "You and Ryan, go find some first aid, I have some in my car…. Oh wait, we're not in my car, damn."

"No, go ahead I have a first aid kit in the back, lift up the bottom it's inside the tire," Castle nodded to them, threw Ryan his keys and they went off in the direction of where their friend had parked.

"Lani do you know where some water is?"

"Yeah, in my car, but why don't you take her to the doctor's, and I go to the morgue to help Perlmutter. The guys here will finish things up for us, and a meager first aid kit isn't going to help Natasha," Lani replied logically.

"Uh, yeah, sure, that would probably be better." Kate sighed, "Come on Castle, we can catch Ryan and Esposito so they don't have to walk back all the way. Natasha, we're going to get you some help. Can you trust us enough to come with us?"

Nodding timidly Natasha wiped her face with her sleeve, "Just don't let him find me," she whispered so quietly Kate barely heard it as the three of them began walking to Castle's car, "please don't let _them_ find me."

"Let who find you Natasha?" Beckett asked picking up her speed so they would get to the car faster.

Natasha looked at her with wild, terrified eyes, stopped walking and froze like a statue, "He's here… they're here! Don't let them find me! Don't let them touch me. He's here… don't let him touch me…" she began sobbing and backed up into Castle, hiding her face into his still drying jacket from her last set of tears.

Pulling her gun from her thigh holster, which she'd been smart enough to put in Castle's car before the signing, and put on before they arrived at the scene, she held it up and released the safety, "Natasha? Who do you want to not be able to find you?"

Burying her face further into Castle's chest Natasha murmured into his coat, "The men who had the red van… the men who I've seen talk to my father… the men he hired to find me… the men who I saw with a body shortly before they saw me…"

Castle caught Kate's stare, the shock on her face reflecting his very own, as what Natasha had just said dawned on them both.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

Misery

Beckett put her face in her hands and inhaled deeply. They had been at the hospital now for ten minutes; Natasha was having her face taken care of, and she herself was contemplating on whether or not to see if she could get a pregnancy test on such short notice. Castle had given her his tear dampened coat and had gone home to get her some proper clothing, since she was still dressed in her flimsy cocktail dress that she wore for the signing.

"Ma'am, are you ok?" Kate faintly heard someone ask, but she was too busy fighting with herself to answer, "Ma'am? Excuse me, are you ok?" She sighed and looked up when the hand belonging to the voice tapped her shoulder.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Just waiting for a witness." Becket flashed her badge quickly, just wanting to be alone so she could come up with a decision. The nurse nodded and began walking away when Kate's hand caught her arm, "Actually, could you check if there are any times available for a pregnancy test? Sometime soon, preferably before my fiancé gets back in like twenty, thirty minutes? I took a home that was positive, but I just want to be sure."

"Sure thing I'll check, be back in a minute," the young lady smiled and took off in direction of the front desk.

_See, that wasn't so hard. Deep breath Kate, there's a two, three percent chance that test was false. my doctor has told me before that the stress I'm under as a top homicide detective can screw with my body. _Kate ran her fingers through her hair and calmed her shaky breathing. _I can cope with the results if they're positive. Castle's not going to blame me for it, it's his fault too. I haven't missed a single pill, but he hasn't wanted to use a condom a few times, I said he should but he didn't want to._

Her eyes widened when her last thoughts registered… _Oh God, _I_ haven't missed a pill. How could I be late if I haven't missed a single one? How could I be pregnant if I haven't missed a single one? Less then one percent of women who take the pill every day get pregnant, how can I be that less then one percent? Oh God, oh my God… how could this be happening? How could I be pregnant!_

Beckett crumpled into the hospital chair as her breath caught in her throat threatening to send tears streaming down her cheeks. She couldn't believe what was happening, she'd just been asked to marry the one person who, despite their constant banters and excessive button pushing, really understood her. He had shoved through the hard times with her, pissed her off about digging into her personal life, then helped find her mother's killer; He told her that she was strong, and didn't give up, which was something most people didn't do. Castle had been there when they were exposed to the Cobalt-60, listened to her in quarantine, lied to Agent Fallon so he could stay on the case with her, _he_ was the one who saved Manhattan by pulling out all the wires from a nuclear bomb even though he didn't know what the hell he was doing!

How could this be happening to her, how could her dreams be flushed down the drain this fast? She was going to be adding too much to Castle's plate, and by doing so may send their relationship into a never-ending spiral. _No! Katherine Beckett, knock it off! Castle's not going to leave you just because you're pregnant, and besides it's his fault too! No, I'm not going to let this slip through my fingers, I've wasted too many years searching for Mr. Right, and I've finally found him…. No matter how much I didn't want to admit it at first I know it's true. _Balling up her fist, Kate shoved her feelings down hard and sucked in a confident breath. Collecting her peace of mind she shook her head firmly, knowing she could deal with whatever came her way.

"Detective? If your witness is still being examined, then I can quickly take the blood test, and even get it back to you within twenty minutes," the nurse returned with a smile on her face.

"Ok, better now then later since I have the time."

The nurse turned a little and nodded in the direction she had come from, "If you just follow me." Kate stood and towering over the nurse in her heels, followed her to the room not all that far from where she had been waiting.

**15 minutes later**

Castle smiled when he saw Kate sitting in the chair with her elbows perched on her knees waiting for Natasha's evaluation to end, "Hey there Katie, I brought some warmer clothes for you. Any news about Natasha yet?"

"Not yet. Thanks baby," She stretched up to meet his lips.

"God, it's not like she was shot or anything, but hey if this is what it's going to take to help her talk about what she saw, then what the heck right?" He handed her the bag he had brought with some clothes neatly folded inside as he sat down beside her, "You want to change now so you don't spend anymore time freezing? Or you want to wait until we hear about Natasha?"

"I guess I'll just change now, call if you hear anything," Kate kissed him again, stood and walked off in direction of the bathroom.

"Kate. Kate, I have your results to the blood test." Beckett froze as she was entering the restroom as the nurse came jogging up, "I know you don't want your fiancé to know so when I saw him with you I was going to wait until you were free, then I saw you get up. You want to read it yourself, or want me to tell you?" She held a manila file holder in her hands and put it out in reaching distance of her.

"You'd better tell me, cause otherwise I won't ever find out till I'm huge and bloated," Kate chuckled trying to lighten the what-should-already-be-happy mood.

The nurse flipped open the file and her smile broadened, "Congratulations Kate, you're pregnant."

_Oh, God!_ Kate half-heartedly smiled back, "Thank you, do you mind getting rid of that, so no one else can find out. I wouldn't want this leaking out passed our ears."

"Uh, sure," Kate received a curious look before the nurse strode away.

Stepping into the bathroom Beckett refused to get in anyway emotion about the news she'd received and speedily changed out of her dress and into a comfortable pair of dark blue jeans, and purple top, in just enough time to come up as the doctor was talking to Castle about Natasha, "…until the swelling recedes completely and she can open her eye, we don't know if there's been any permanent damage to it. She's bruised and cut all over, not just her face. Natasha's back, neck, arms, legs, chest, and stomach are all patched with them, some newer then others, some probably weeks old."

"Is there any part of her that's not mangled?" She asked as she wrapped her arm around Castle and his around hers.

"Well, I unfortunately have to say no. We've done some tests, and scans for everything. Even an ultrasound, to make-"

Cutting off the doctor Kate asked in bewilderment, "Are you saying she's been sexually assaulted?"

"Yes, and luckily there hasn't been any internal damage, we're waiting for the results for the STD tests we've done, and she's not pregnant," He replied with an expression that looked like a smile, but also a frown.

_Well of course he's going to look like that, his patience's been raped, which is sad. But she's also not pregnant, which is good._ Kate found herself matching his expression. _Yet there's me, a woman who takes the pill every day like it's a freaking religion, and I _still_ get pregnant._

"Well that's great to hear. I in no way mean to sound insensitive, but we need to see her, and bring her down to the station so we can question her," Beckett said seriously, but not inhumanly.

"Yeah, of course, she needs to come back in in a few days so we can see how her eye is doing, and we can go over the tests with her. You can go on in, I'll have a nurse come with the release forms in a few minutes. I've got some more patients to see, so I won't see you until you bring Natasha back in. Which I would like by the way, because you know how she came in, and so I don't have to brief whoever may bring her in if you don't."

Kate racked her brain for her weekly schedule and came to the conclusion there wasn't anything but the case so far. Which Natasha was somehow related too, "Fine, that should be no problem. I'll see you in a few days then Dr…"

"Crawford. Dr. Crawford, nice to meet you Detective," Dr. Crawford put his hand out and Kate shook it firmly.

"Until next time," Kate replied. Opening the door the Natasha's room she smiled sweetly when Natasha looked up at her. Stepping inside she allowed Castle to join them before closing the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

Fans of the murderous kind

Castle sighed uneasily as he watched his fiancé down an orange juice like it was coffee. She had been up all night and most of the morning with Natasha trying to get her to talk. He hadn't expected it would be so hard to get her to talk but Kate had said otherwise. She had practically yelled it at him too, something she never did… well, almost. He chuckled at the thought, remembering the few times she had ever yelled at him; usually to try to get him to go home after he pissed her off, broke her heart or if she was afraid for his safety.

Kate told him that because Natasha was so overly terrified of who ever she was afraid of she wouldn't talk due to fear the person could hear, thus meaning she was protecting the person who hurt her. All they knew was that it had something to do with her father, the dead man, and some hired people of some kind. But what they didn't know was her last name, exactly who had unsettled her, why she had been dressed so shabbily, and who the dead man was. She had been right about it too, they hadn't gotten anything from Natasha since they had arrived at the hospital those many hours ago, except headaches, frustration, and tears.

He furrowed his brows when a messenger came out of the elevator and asked for a Katherine Beckett. Standing slowly he made his way to the break room where he was close enough for Kate to get to him without trouble if she need to. Watching her his thoughts took over as he imagined what was written on the piece of paper Kate had received. _Maybe it's some sort of ransom note, we'll stop killing if you hand in the girl…. Or possibly someone else was a witness and wanted to be discreet. What if it's a case similar to the one with Ben… _Castle snapped quickly out of his head when he heard Beckett's strained, exhausted voice call him out.

"What is it Beckett?" He still wasn't totally used to calling her by her first name, and definitely didn't feel comfortable using it with so many people around, even if he knew them all.

"Is this some sort of joke?" She handed him the paper, her hand shaking ever so slightly…. He wasn't sure whether it was from sleep loss, or the note until he let his eyes drift from her face to the letter he now held in his hand.

Kate,

Leave Castle, or hell will be paid.

You won't ever see the light of day, and will be looking always over your shoulder, because I will be after you.

I call upon you, the death sentence… unless you leave the man I love, you will never live to see another day of happiness.

You will be forever running from me, and when you forget, or think it's over, you'll find yourself dead at my hands, and no one will ever know who killed you.

Leave him he's mine, has been forever, has been since he first signed my precious breast. He's been mine since before he knew you, and I'm not going to allow _you_ to take my soulmate away from me.

There was no signature; no identification of any sort, not even one of those cheesy endings like, 'angry lover,' or 'curious kitten'. For once, Castle was at a loss for words, he had no idea what to do about this. All he knew was that whoever was threatening his Fiancé was the one who was going to pay.

Looking up from the paper he hid his ruffled feathers and replied, "I have absolutely no idea, but I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

_Or your baby?_ Kate opened her mouth, ready to say it, then snapped it back shut. No, she wasn't going to tell him now, not after this, and not in front of the whole homicide department. It was private information for his ears only, until of course later.

Biting her cheek hard she kept her mouth shut, and instead of talking Kate nestled into his torso welcoming his arms encasing her into a snug hug. Breathing in deeply she suddenly realized exactly how tired she really was. It was almost twelve now, and she hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, nor had she had any coffee. _Yeah, no coffee, no sleep, both are probably really bad for the baby and my health at this point, but hell I'd rather be tired, then awake because of caffeine and lacking sleep._

Just because she didn't know how Castle was going to react, and didn't know if he wanted more children, she didn't want to jeopardize their chances of a family, even if it was an early start. She loved Castle, and until she knew how he felt about a baby, she wasn't about to make a decision concerning their future without him. Kate would rather have him upset about an unplanned pregnancy, then leaving her because she got rid of it without consulting him.

"Katie, you ok?" She hadn't noticed she'd drifted off until Castle's voice stirred her from her thoughts and she noticed he was holding her up by the armpits.

"Oh, sorry, I fell asleep," Beckett set her feet back on the ground and stepped away.

"Look sweetheart, how about we go home. You aren't going to get anywhere if you fall asleep while chasing a killer, and we sure aren't going to be getting anywhere with Natasha for now. Esposito and Ryan can look after her, and they can call us if something comes up."

Esposito nodded in agreement as he walked out of the break room, "Yeah, so far we've had no success finding anyone who recognizes the dead man's face, and like Castle said, Natasha's not talking."

"Don't be so sure, we just got a confirmation on our John Doe. He's name is Cooper March, has been put in holding twice for drunk and disorderly, one of those times he was found running around in his birthday suit." Ryan came up with a manila folder, "Problem? No known address, or work place. He lived in and out of hotels all around. The bizarre thing about him living in hotels is he's got dough, and quite a bit of it."

Castle gave his oh-my-god-that's-crazy look… then when he looked at Beckett's exhausted face it turned into his you-are-so-busted look and wrapped his arms around her, "Is there some way we can put this on hold so Beckett can get some sleep?"

Before Ryan could answer them Kate's phone rang, reaching around Castle's arms she answered it, "Beckett… yeah, we'll be right there." She hung up and sighed, "Well so much for a nap, Lani's' got something from the autopsy, and toxicology reports. She wants us all down there."

"The faster we go down there, the faster you may be able to take a nap, and the sooner we can forget that creepy message you received," Castle said matter-of-factly, and kissed Kate's neck.

Confusion all over their faces Ryan and Esposito asked in unison, "Creepy letter?"

"Oh, it's a long story," Castle raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes for emphasis.

Snorting Kate lead them to the elevator saying, "Some whacked out fan wants me to break up with Castle because she wants him for her own!"

Frowning her fiancé looked at the guys as they followed her, "Apparently it's not such a long story," then lowering his voice to a whisper he continued, "I'll show you the letter later."


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5

A Couple White Lies.

"So you're saying that not only was this guy bashed over the head, but poisoned with three different types?" Kate asked horrified.

"Yeah, that's not all either. Perlmutter and I weren't able to see it when he was hanging from the tree but… ah, he was missin' some stuff," Lani cleared her throat and let her eyes drift down to the lower half of the victim's body.

The three men groaned painfully and crossed their legs simultaneously saying, "Oh my God."

That's when Kate caught on, "Shut the front door!" Her jaw dropped and she became sick to her stomach.

"The door's wide open girlfriend, and it wasn't a normal castration either. No means to make you three hurt, but man this guy sure didn't want it to happen, and it must have happened only shortly before he got smacked in the head. There's some dried blood, and it's not cut evenly-" Lani hid a smirk as Castle whimpered, Ryan looked constipated, and Esposito had the face of a little girl who's doll got taken away.

"Please, please stop talking!" Castle whined for the three of them, he was leaning forward with his legs crossed and agony etched into his face.

"Oh Castle, relax it's not like I'm going to make you live through that pain." Kate laughed at the grown men's faces, "It looks like we've found their biggest weakness Lani."

"It seems as though we have. You three want to excuse yourselves?" Lani raised her eyebrows.

Castle nodded his head, "Yes please," then with Esposito and Ryan behind them they left the room like dogs with their tails between their legs.

"Wow, I never knew they were that important," Lani snickered when the door closed.

Looking down Kate muttered to herself, "Yeah well they sure are important when it comes down to getting pregnant." _Oh God, did I just say that? _She looked up with shock in her eyes hoping that Lani hadn't heard, her gaze was met with curiosity and knew she had blown it.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, I was just mumbling," She replied, hoping she sounded earnest.

"Uh-huh, you sure about that?" Lani crossed her arms and gave Kate her famous Imma-smack-you stare.

"Yeah I'm sure. What made you think I'm not?" Kate set her lips in a straight line and tried to put disbelief into her expression.

"Considering that I just heard you say 'important,' and 'pregnant' in the same sentence, I think that causes for some explaining."

Opening her mouth to defend herself, she sighed internally when her phone went off. _Saved by the bell. _"I'd better take this," putting her phone to her ear she tried to sound as normal as possible, "Beckett? Captain Montgomery… yeah I'll be right up. I'm pretty sure Castle, Ryan, and Esposito are already somewhere up there. They ran out like scared dogs when they learned the Vic had been improperly castrated…. Yes sure, never bring that up again, got it. I'll see you in a few." Smiling at Lani she put her phone back in her pocket, "Look, Lani, I'm sorry you misunderstood me, but I don't have time to explain."

"Yeah whatever girl, I have some tests to finish up anyway."

"I'll talk to you later," Kate pursed her lips together and walked from the morgue.

Shifting uncomfortably Kate grunted, and made a few faces as a funny queasy feeling overtook her. _Don't tell me I'm getting morning sickness already. This is going to make this complicated, and you aren't going to be making your mommy very happy. _

She had finished her meeting with Montgomery about trying to find Cooper's family, and now was just waiting for some sort of break. Castle had brought her lunch but then had to go back home to make a few calls. She had almost told him then, but couldn't live up to him having to go right after and not being able to talk about it.

_ "I'll see you in a bit Katie," He kissed her, toyed with her bottom lip before heading towards the elevator. _

_ "Richard?" She grimaced at how serious she sounded, and she saw a few of the detectives look funnily at her._

_ Turning around he joined the others with a funny look, "What is it Beckett?" He walked the few steps back to her and tilted his head to the side._

Just say it, Kate, just tell him you're pregnant! _She shouted to herself as she outwardly smiled. Kate opened her mouth, but it decided not to say what she thought she was going to, "I just wanted to say 'I love you,' and give you this," Smiling sexily she pulled him closer by his tie and kissed him deeply._ Damn it Kate, why didn't you just tell him! You had the perfect chance, the perfect moment!

_ When she released him there was love, wonder, and curiosity, in his eyes, "And to what honor do I owe that wonderful gift?" _

_"The honor of knowing I love you, and you love me," Kate bit her bottom lip like she did when she used to pretend to be Muscovite._

_ "Well then I'm honored to except your gift," He laughed warmly, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear._

_ "I'll see you when you get back sweetheart."_

_ "See you when I return."_

Kate muffled a sickening groan as her stomach pains got worse. Standing to the best of her ability, and trying to make it look normal, she made her way to the bathroom. Pulling her phone from her pocket she entered a stall, and dialed her doctor's number, "Hi, this is Katherine Beckett, I'm calling to schedule an appointment with Dr. Kiley Anderson. Sometime soon would be great."

She clenched her teeth and leaned forward as the pain continued to eat away at her insides and felt like dying when the nurse told her there was an opening two days from now, "I'm sorry, but are you sure there isn't any time sooner? This is very important, very important. Anything today? In ten minutes? Please?"

"What type if important do you mean?" The woman asked on the other line.

"I'm pregnant, I found out last night. Dr. Anderson doesn't know because I had the nurse destroy the file. It's complicated but I need to get in as soon as possible and today sounds really good to me," She whimpered and bit her lip to keep from screaming in order to make sure that no one heard her.

"Ok, hold on, let me see if I can get her to squeeze you in during her break."

"Please do, and do it fast, tell her it's an emergency."

After waiting on hold for a couple of minutes the woman returned and much to Kate's relief Dr. Anderson had agreed to allow her to come in during her break, "Thank you, I'll be there in about forty-five minutes," Kate moaned and ended the call.

Taking a huge breath a few minutes later, Beckett stood up and made her way out of the bathroom. Breaking for the elevator she froze when Esposito called her name, "Yeah?" She breathed deeply and focused on the ring she wore on her finger, trying not to let her pain show on her face.

"We think we got something, but we're not sure."

"How about you double check it a few times, and make sure it's solid. I have somewhere I need to be right now."

"Don't you want to run over it first?"

"Not this time Esposito, I've really got to go somewhere. It's extremely important, and if I don't go, it won't be pretty later."

Giving her a perplexed eye once-over Esposito sighed, "All right boss, we'll run it over with you when you get back."

"That would be fantastic," she gave him a sweet smile, pushed the elevator down button and thanked God when it came quickly, "I'll see you in a few hours."

"Yeah, see you."

"What's with her?" Ryan questioned from his desk.

"I have no idea bro, but something doesn't seem right."

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own Castle, though I wish I did, I've gotten over that fantasy... well sort of... lol... haha. Anyway credit goes to those who own Castle.

**A/N: I've been doing a pretty good job of quick uploads, but I may have to slow down a bit because my mom's getting angry I'm up so late trying to finish off a chapter when I've already got one up. I got three up the yesterday and two up today, but tomorrow I may only get one if any. :( **

**I'm glad that so far I have some people who like it, so continue to read to find out what happens. :) (And I promise, that things may get crazy later, and there are several twists and turns throughout... but not to the point where it seems unreal) **

**I hope you continue to enjoy it as I add more. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: There is some harsh language in this chapter so be warned. Enjoy.

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Ch. 6

Old Times.

Still in a small amount of discomfort, Kate found herself scared when she stepped out of the cab in front of the doctor's office. She had no clue what to expect now that she was pregnant, had not a single idea about what to do. _Maybe I'll go shopping after this, and start seeing what I can find. Yeah, that's what I'll do, huh baby? _She smiled blissfully, placed her hand on her flat stomach, gingerly walked into the office and went to the third floor.

After checking in Beckett sat down and leaned forward, as if she was looking at a murder board, relieved when some of the pain went away as she did. _How far along am I, anyway? _She hadn't asked the nurse the other night out of fear someone would hear what the nurse was talking to her about.

_ How long can I still do field work, or am I going to be stuck doing desk duty for a whole nine months? _Kate shuddered at the thought of not being able to be helping people hands on, but being stuck having to do it with paper work. _Yick. Note to self, don't tell Montgomery until I can't hide the evidence anymore _If_ they _really_ think I'm going to cooperate by sitting at my desk when I murder's been committed, they've got me all wrong. _

"Katherine Beckett?" A young lady opened one of the many doors.

"That's me," Beckett cringed as she stood up, consciously hugging her arms across her abdomen, silently hoping that the baby was ok. She wanted this baby, and knew that after Castle got over the shock he would most likely want it too. He was great with kids and couldn't see him leaving her because of this, but instead only loving her more.

"If you would just follow me right this way." The nurse smiled and lead Kate to a room in the back, "Doctor Anderson will be here in just a minute, so make yourself comfortable."

"Thanks," Kate said as the door closed behind the nurse. Delicately sitting down as to not agitate the now sluggishly decreasing pain, she sighed stiffly, resumed her leaning forward position, and waited for the little rap on the door that signaled the Doctor was there.

/ Glaring evilly over her newspaper, the young woman snarled deep in her throat as she watched Katherine from afar. _There's no way in hell I'm gonna let that bitch steal my husband from me. No way in hell. _She thought as the ice around her heart solidified all the more.

"Katherine Beckett?" A nurse called out her rivals name and she winced, hating how sweet it sounded.

"That's me," the dainty angel, or as Castle had said in a special interview only moments before she found out Kate was here and not at the prescient, (thank God for GPS or she would have been screwed) stood with her arms cloaked around her mid-section.

"If you would just follow me right this way." God, she hated the way nurses always sounded so cheerful, it made her sick.

_Damn it, there's no way for me to get in there! Fuck, now I have to wait out here until she comes out. Why, Kate, did you suddenly change your schedule? If you do this again I just may have to kill you sooner, I don't have the time to be able to always be checking my tracking device to see where you are._ Hiding her eyes back behind the newspaper when someone walked by she silently moaned when her stomach grumbled. _Damn, I didn't eat lunch again. _Checking her pockets she found a ten, smiled, and left to find something to eat hopefully before the bitch left the building.

/ "Hi, Kate, I heard there was some type of emergency? Could you explain what seems to be the matter?" Her doctor came in after knocking, and asked professionally.

"I'm experiencing some disturbing stomach pains. No it's more then disturbing, it's frightening. I found out I was pregnant yesterday, took a home test, then had it confirmed while I was waiting for a witness to come out from examination. I had the nurse destroy the file for me, because I didn't want anyone to find out. I haven't told anyone yet, no one knows I'm here, and I'm scared, also please, cut the professional speech," Kate spoke quickly, just wanting to figure out what was wrong, and not waste time.

"All right then, no more professional sounding talk," her friend smiled with a hint of what Kate had become her friend for; sweet, and genuine kindness, "but I can still ask you questions though?"

"No, I just want to sit here in silence while there could be something wrong," Kate matched Doctor Anderson's smile with a sarcastic remark.

"Well then I guess there's no point in me asking you if you know how far along you are, or even in asking where exactly in your abdomen the pain is," Kiley Anderson threw her arms up in the air and scoffed before plopping down into the chair next to the one Beckett was in.

"Obviously because you never asked me since I told you not to you wouldn't get the replies of, I have absolutely no idea how far along I am because I didn't ask the nurse, and somewhere deep and low, like period cramps almost. Very painful, and all you want to do is curl up in a ball. It's scary mostly because it's worse then any cramping I've ever had," Kate let a goofy grin tug at her cheeks as she and Kiley broke out into a fit of crazy giggling.

Just like old times, Anderson was the only thing besides Castle's books

(and now Rick himself) that truly, authentically helped her through something. When Kate didn't have her close comfort of her fiancé's novels, her next bet to try and fill the hole was by being with Anderson. Despite how she always (and still) felt empty inside with her mother gone, knowing someone cared, and was willing to help just by acting happy instead of wondering how Kate was doing had helped a little. Kiley could read Beckett better then anyone, and knew when a laugh was needed. But she also made it real, genuinely said from that caring, silly heart of hers. Sometimes Kate couldn't even tell if Kiley seriously wanted her to hear the joke, or wanted her to know that she would be able to feel somewhat normal again with time.

Anderson had lost her mother to cancer a year before Beckett lost hers to murder, the circumstances were different but the pain felt was similar, and that also helped Kate cope. Maybe not as good as Storm Fall, but enough to add that extra oomph in keeping herself from joining her mother, and helping her father quit his drinking problem.

When their laughing slowed a minute later, Kiley became slightly serious again through her happy tears, "All right, enough chatter for now. We need to make sure your baby's going to be ok. Can you switch over to the table so I can see if anything feels out of order?"

Taking in a deep breath Beckett stood up and trembled slightly, "Whoa, dizzy. Very dizzy." She placed her hands against her head and felt herself falling into her friend's arms as Anderson rose to her own feet.

"Kate? Kate? Can you hear me?" Kiley asked concern seeping into her voice.

Gargling in reply Kate forced her heavy eyes to flutter open for a moment, fighting to keep her control, wanting to stay in command of her body that was giving out on her. Gasping quickly as her chest tightened she breathed out, "Don't call Castle, don't call anyone," before she lost the battle against her mind, and passed out.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Detailed kissing, undressing, and partial/beginning of intimate scene. This is one of my favorite chapters and it took forever to make me happy with it. I started this chapter before all the others wanting to try and get the tone/mood just right. I hope I did a good job with it… and I just realized I screwed up a little in chapter one but it's been fixed now. Please enjoy (this chapter can be skipped if you wish too, the plot line doesn't advance it's all background). :)**

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Ch. 7

Proposal.

_She smiled when the door opened in front of her, "Hey there Castle," she said as he kissed her cheek._

_ "Hey there to you to detective, come on in, I just finished dinner," He took her arm and led her inside to a small table with candles all around. Gaping in awe of the beautifully romantic scene displayed in front of her she let a light, happy laugh slip from her mouth, "you like it do you?" He pulled her chair out for her, helped her sit down and scoot in._

_ "Oh, I love it, Castle."_

_ Castle popped the cork out of the red wine bottle and poured some into her glass then his own, before setting it not quite in the center of the table. Then he gently set a plate of food down in front of her, and where he would be sitting. Kissing her cheek again he sat down and raised his glass, "Cheers."_

_ "Cheers, Castle," Kate met his glass with her, causing a small clink to resound through the room._

_ They had had a relatively quiet dinner, but it wasn't awkward, in fact, it felt really nice to spend some low-key time with him compared to the craziness of the prescient. When they were done eating, they talked about how sad it was that the wife had murdered her own sister because she thought her husband was having an affair with him, when really they had been planning a big party for her._

_ It wasn't until he began cleaning up when he truly surprised her. He stood up and picked up her plate, only it slipped from his hand and shattered cleanly into nine or ten pieces against the floor. He muttered a curse calling himself stupid for letting it slip. Beckett scooted her chair back prepared to help but he told her to stay, that he was the host and needed to clean it up. Castle's hands moved swiftly as he picked up the pieces and set them onto the table. After the larger pieces were no longer on the floor Castle leaned closer the ground as if inspecting for small unseen shards. That was when he looked at Kate and lifted up a small rose red colored velvet case._

_ Kate's voice caught in her throat when he slowly opened it to uncover the most exquisite looking ring she could imagine. Then he cleared his own throat and began to speak, "I know this ring may not be as special as your mother's, and may never add up to how much your mother's ring means to you, but Detective Katherine Beckett… will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" His voice was strong, and sincere, something that she rarely ever saw in him since he was almost always acting like a twelve year old._

_ Beckett didn't believe it, his face seemed too real, too much not like him, "Excuse me?" She whispered. Kate knew it was rude, but she need to hear it again, wanted to hear it again in order for her to be able to confirm if it was really happening… and it was._

_ Castle didn't look irritated, agitated, or anything else that may hint he was joking, instead he took Kate's hand in his and stared deeply into her eyes, "Kate, will you marry me?"_

_ That was it, the tears poured freely from her hazel eyes and slid down the smooth cheeks that had felt tears more then they should have ever felt them in an entire lifetime. This time though, they were happy, tears of joy and Katherine answered him ecstatically, "Yes! Oh God, yes I'll marry you!"_

_ Rick smiled serenely, pulled the gorgeous ring of a single diamond, what looked like five sapphires and five rubies, from the case and slipped it onto her ring finger before finding her lips with his. Beckett opened her mouth and allowed him to explore, allowed him to tie her tongue in loving knots. He had a unique taste to him, one of coffee, sugar, and wine. One that Kate knew she'd never be able to forget. He pulled away from her slightly and whispered, "I love you Katie," before attaching his mouth to hers again._

_ Katie, no one had ever called her that before. She didn't know why either, but to hear it now from his seductive voice made her heart beat faster and her stomach flutter with butterflies, and she liked it. She loved to hear those four simple words come from his mouth more then she had ever loved hearing 'I love you' before. _

_ She reached for his chest and slowly began to unbutton his shirt. When he didn't protest but moved to help her she felt excited, and giddy. He shrugged off his jacket, and began working on his tie when he began to stand up. Kate matched his speed, never letting his lips leave her own for more then a second as she carefully pulled her father's watch off and placed it on the table. Castle had his tie off and was now slipping out of his shirt and Beckett let her hands roam over his chest. Jumping slightly when she felt his fingertips brush against her thighs she moaned. He held Kate to him as he began walking her backwards in the direction of his room. On the way she let her shrug fall to the floor and pulled the clip that kept her hair up in a sexy bun. Beckett threw it to the couch that she saw out of the corner of her eye, happy when she heard it connect against the soft black leather. _

_ She allowed a small gasp of air escape her lips as Castle pushed her against the bedroom door. Wrapping her arms loosely around his neck she smiled seductively against his mouth as he let his hands glide down to her hips, then the edge of her short magenta dress. When he hesitated she moved her hands to his and fumbled with the edge of the dress. Pulling it up a little she felt Castle's hands following hers. Moving her hands back to his face he took over the job and carefully slid the dress up her body and over her head when she put her hands in the air. Letting it float to the floor Kate found the doorknob as Castle found the hooks to her sexy black-laced strapless bra. Turning the knob they stumbled into the room and Castle slammed it shut behind them with his foot as he released her bra to fall onto the ground, "Are you sure this you're ok with this?" He murmured between smothering her with kisses._

_ "I want you, Castle… I want to spend my life with you, of course I want this." She replied as she unzipped his pants almost laughing when she heard the thud of a shoe slamming into the wall followed by another. Lifting up her own foot, they broke away just long enough for her to unbuckle it and toss it to the door. Kissing her again he unbuttoned his pants and began kicking his way out of them pulling his socks off at the same time as she got her second heel off, "Castle? Do you have protection?"_

_ "Why did you leave your gun at home?" He laughed sultrily as he began walking her to the bed._

_ "No, Castle I'm serious," Kate groaned as he nibbled at the nap of her soft skinned neck._

_ He stopped momentarily to look her in the eyes, "In the top drawer of my dresser. Are you on the pill?"_

_ "Yeah, have been since I was seventeen."_

_ "Then we don't need it, we'll be fine," Castle let his hands trail up her body and let them rest on her silky breasts making her breath catch in her throat and he began making a kiss path from one shoulder to the other._

_ "Are you sure?" She whispered hoarsely as she gasped for breath when Castle let his mouth trail over her bosom._

_ "I promise, we'll be careful." Castle's voice had so much sincerity in it that Beckett gave in._

_ He pushed her backwards and Kate sat at the edge of the bed before laying on her back. She arched as her breath spiked again when Castle began to slide her thong down along her legs. Shimmying up against him a little, she helped him get it to her feet and kicked it off while flipping Castle over so she was now on top, "You must have learned that trick in the boxing ring huh?" He asked with his eyebrows raised._

_ "Wouldn't you like to know?" She countered with mystery mixing with her words._

_ "Are you offering to tell me?" He whispered sweetly into her ear._

_ "Hmm, maybe some other time," Kate had a sparkle in her voice as Castle snaked his way out of Boxers._

_ "I love you Kate," he said as he sneaked his tongue back in her mouth._

_ Pulling from him slowly she bit her bottom lip sexually before seriously saying it for the first time. "I love you too Castle."_


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8

A-O.K.

Beckett groaned as she slowly opened her eyes to a blinding light. Breathing deeply she crinkled her nose at the funny familiar smell that tainted the air. Looking to her right she found herself staring at a bright white wall. _What the…?_

"Kate? You awake?" Furrowing her brow Beckett tried to place how she knew the voice talking to her. She racked through her head, foggy from sleep, until it dawned on her. _My baby!_ She gasped, fear tearing at her heart as she remembered coming to see Dr. Anderson about a stomach pain Placing her hand on her stomach she gathered some of her shirt into a ball in her fist. She jumped, and squeaked, when someone touched her hand lightly, "Kate, it's Kiley. You're at the doctor's office. You passed out early."

Turning her head Kate caught Kiley's stare with her own. Not wanting to hear it, but having to know, she choked out the words, "My baby? Kiley, my baby?" She swallowed hard not wanting to cry again, especially in front of Kiley who had seen her cry more even then her father.

Kiley smiled and helped her slowly get up into a sitting position and put her arms around her, "It's ok, your baby is fine. Your baby's alive and well at about four and a half weeks."

"My baby's ok, I'm ok?" Kate's voice cracked as the tears threatened to spill from her eyes, and she gulped swiftly hoping to shove the lump in her throat back down.

Stepping back, Kiley laughed lightly, and grabbed Kate's arms gently, "Yes, you're fine. Kate you can cry, don't hold it back. You don't need to keep your shield up around me, I know you need it, and waiting until you get home isn't going to make matters better."

Beckett nodded as a small tear trickled down her cheek, "I'm going to have a baby, I really _am_ pregnant?"

"Yeah, you really are. There is a baby growing inside of you, and you need to take care of yourself, and if that means crying, then do it, because I know you aren't going to do it in front of anyone else. And if it means you need to sleep? Then I can call your fiancé, say I had asked you over to my place and you crashed while we were talking. I had my sub come in for me, so I've got the rest of the evening off."

Kate put her fist to her mouth as her chest and shoulders began to jerk up and down. She was sick of breaking down in front of Kiley, hated having her friend see her this way, and didn't want to do it again. Trying to push her emotions back down she said, "Well, I didn't get any sleep last night, and I haven't had all that much to eat. I've been busy with a case."

Kiley frowned and pulled her friend into a hug, and that was the end of Kate holding onto the reins. The tears were silent, but quick, and before Kiley could tell her that it wasn't smart not getting any sleep, her shirt, (and coat) and been soaked through, "Oh Kate, see crying isn't so bad. It makes you feel better huh?"

"I was… on the… pill… Kiley." Kate sucked in a shake breath, trying to recapture her composure, "The first time… I did… it with Castle… was the night he… proposed, four an… and a half weeks… ago."

She began to steady her breathing and continued, "He didn't want to use a… a condom, he said we'd be safe… because I was on the pill. Said it a few times after too…. Though I guess it didn't matter then did it." Kate shook her head against Anderson's shoulder, "How am I supposed to tell him I'm pregnant after that? It would be like blaming him for it."

"You really believe he'd think that? Do you honestly think that Rick is going to be mad at you for being pregnant? Besides, you may have still gotten pregnant whether or not you used protection, some couples are just meant to be together. God says this by allowing them to have a baby when he knows they're ready for one," Kiley patted Kate's back softly, comforting her friend like she'd seen Johanna do so many times at sleepovers when they were younger, or the time when Kate had the flu, her mom had driven for six straight hours just to make sure Kate had someone to take care of her when Kiley was at class. Johanna had done the same for her a few weeks later, watching over her when she slept, holding her hair out of her face when she barfed. Kiley owed Kate just as much as Kate thought she owed her.

"I'm not ready for a baby! I'm a homicide detective, I work with creepy death cases everyday. If I tell my boss, I'll be put on desk duty from now till kingdom come! I won't be able to handle that, won't be able to live for nine whole months without being able to do field work!" Beckett whined, and Kiley laughed heartily.

"Well, you want it though right? You want to keep this baby, or no?" Anderson released her friend and asked seriously.

"Wanting it, and being prepared are two entirely different things."

"That's not answering my question Kate."

Kate pondered it for a minute, really mulled it over in her head, kneaded it out like pizza dough, wanting all the chunks out, before she replied from her heart, "Yes Kiley, I really do want this baby. I truly do want this baby. It may be earlier then I thought in our relationship with Castle and me, but I think we can manage once he gets passed the shock," then putting a quirky smile on her face she scrunched her nose, "it's the getting him into the shock I don't want. Having to tell him, knowing when the right time is. I'm bound to be telling him and someone's going to hear, and before we can celebrate on our own, the whole world is going to know."

Frowning, Beckett chewed on her bottom lip when she realized what that would mean, and she sighed when Kiley caught onto the awkwardness, "Kate? What is it, what's the matter?"

"There's some mental fan of Castle's who has sent me a threatening letter telling me to leave him, we have no idea who." She scoffed, unfortunately unable to hide the fear she felt towards the situation, "He says nothing will happen, but Castle hasn't seen all the psychos out there. Kiley, I'm actually afraid, I'm truly scared that something's going to happen, and it scares me that it's this frightening to me. I've never had a case with a psycho that was this bad. I'm more afraid now then when I was right before Castle pulled the wires out of a nuclear bomb." Kate finished off strong, but her lip quivered and she blew out a shaky gust of air and bit her lip again, harder then before.

Kiley pulled her back into a hug and spoke calmly, "First off, you need to stop biting your lip, if you want to always have people believing you're so strong, then you need to stop your nervous habits. Secondly, you can't give in to this psycho, allowing her to get under your skin is the first sign that she's' succeeding at making you miserable. Being scared gives her that edge she can use against you to continue. Face this like you faced your mother's killer, look it straight in the eyes and don't let it see that you're scared. Make it think that you don't care…" Kiley stopped for a moment before changing tactics, "You know, actually that was a pretty bad comparison, so sorry. But I still say that you need to not be afraid and work through it with Richard." She stepped back and brushed a piece of hair from Kate's face.

"Yeah, but what do you think this person is going to do when the news of my pregnancy becomes public?" Beckett wondered aloud.

"When ever that is I know you can get through it, because you are a very strong headed woman, who gets the job done."

Kate allowed a small smile to spread across her face, "I hope so, I really do. Thank you Kiley, for everything, but I have to go. If the guys begin to get suspicious of something they won't let it go until they know what's up." She stood from the table and squeezed her friend into a big hug, "Thank you."

"What are best friends for?"

Beckett released her friend and opened the door, "No Kiley, best friends are there when they're needed, sisters are there whether you need them or not, and help you to charge head first into a fight, then swoop in to save you when you're in too deep. Thank you Kiley, for being the sister I never had."

"And thank you Kate, for being mine," Anderson replied as she watched Kate leave, "and be careful! Get some sleep!"


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9

The Second Letter

"There you are darling, where were you? Castle was about to throw a gasket when you didn't answer the phone," Martha gave Kate a hug when she walked through the door.

"Oh, a friend called me. Wanted to hear from me that I was engaged. We started talking, and I crashed when she went to get refills. I woke up about an hour ago, she started laughing at me because I had apparently said something embarrassing in my sleep but she wouldn't tell me what," Kate smiled brightly and rolled her eyes, "I didn't pick up because I was asleep. I stopped by the precinct to check on a possible lead Esposito found, then came here."

"Katie! Oh thank God you're ok! I called and you didn't answer, so I called Esposito. He said that you had left somewhere, turned down looking into a lead because it was so important. I was about ready to send out a search and rescue party," Castle said as he engulfed her into a massive hug.

Going limp in his warm arms she sighed, "I'm sorry baby, a friend wanted me to come over, and I found myself crashing on her couch for a few hours."

"Well next time you're going to crash on a friend's couch call me so I don't think you got yourself killed. Please?"

Castle picked her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning into him, "I promise to call, so you don't send out a not needed search party."

Kate peered over his shoulder to watch Alexis walking down the stairs, "Hey dad, looks like you didn't need the search and rescue party after all." She smiled at Beckett happily, "This came in the mail for you Beckett."

"Thank you Alexis," Kate took the small envelope from her with a smile on her face, but it soon faded when she read what it said.

Kate,

I've warned you once, now here is twice; don't screw this up, cause I won't play nice.

Castle is mine, don't cross that line. Give up your ring and I'll drop the whole thing.

This is your last warning so don't forget, for if you do it'll be something you'll regret.

"Beckett? What is it?" Alexis questioned when she noticed Kate's face change and her hand quiver.

Castle set her feet back on the ground and studied her, "Not another one? Two in one day, really? It's been…" Castle paused and counted on his fingers, "six hours, don't tell me you got another one in not even half a day but a quarter of one!"

"Dad? What's wrong?" Alexis asked, worry in her eyes.

Kate handed him the paper and he rubbed his hand over his mouth as his face turned sheet white, "Kate, I'm so sorry I brought this upon you."

"Dad? What's going on? You're scaring me? Why are you so pale?" His daughter pleaded.

"Richard, is there some sort of problem?" Martha questioned her son.

Castle sighed, turned away from the questions and sat heavily onto the couch, "Nothing for you two to worry about. I don't need four people brooding over a letter."

"Rick, they deserve to know," Kate sat down next to her fiancé and grabbed his hand comfortingly.

"Know what darlings?" Martha wondered as she got a drink.

_That I'm pregnant, it happened the night Castle proposed because I'm about two and a half weeks along. That some crazy fan of Castle's doesn't want me marrying him because she believes that Castle belongs to her, and we have a sexually assaulted seventeen-year-old in a holding cell because she's somehow related to the case but she won't talk and it's frustrating… _Kate thought to herself in the silence that followed Martha's question, wishing she could say it out loud, but not being able to find the courage too.

Alexis located herself next to her father and gave him a hug, "Dad, you're really starting to scare me, what's wrong? How can we help?"

Richard put his head in his free hand and groaned, "I'm once again putting Kate's life in mortal danger, and I can't figure out why it's always me."

Kate rubbed his back reassuringly as she explained to them about the letters she had received, "There's a woman sending letters telling me to break it off with Castle because he belongs to her, or she's going to get her revenge by death. This is the second one today. As you know, Castle hated putting my life in danger last time, so you can only imagine how he feels about it now."

"Oh honey, that's awful," Martha took a seat on the coffee table and offered Kate a glass of wine. When Kate declined she handed it to her son, "but you aren't going to let some psycho get to you like that are you?"

"Mother, this is the second time some psycho has targeted Kate, but this time it's because one of my fans has some sick idea that I belong to her. Only problem is, I don't know who, and I've signed too many chests to be able to narrow down our suspect list."

"At least you can cross out all the guys. That's a start isn't it?" Alexis said hopefully, "Right?"

When Castle pulled the first note out of his pocket and read it he could see on his family's faces that they finally completely understood why he was so shaken up about it; this woman was going to haunt Beckett for the rest of her life until she finally ends it all by killing her unless she leaves Castle. Richard had loved Kate since the first case they worked, anyone smart enough would have noticed, but after his not-so-warm-welcome from her when he returned to use her as his muse, he'd been afraid to ask again. So instead he drove her nuts, did stupid things, helped her through tough cases and allowed himself to grow on her before he asked a second time. They couldn't believe that someone was going to try and ruin the relationship he'd worked so hard to get.

"That's just not right! Kate you aren't going to leave him because of some lunatic are you?" A bewildered Alexis peered over her father's shoulder to look at Kate.

"No of course not Alexis, why would I let this person know that she can get to me?" Beckett replied confidently. The squeeze of a hand she got from Castle made her smile, "I love your father, and the only reason I would leave him would be if he didn't love me." _Or if by some slim chance he leaves me after I tell him I'm pregnant._ Beckett shook her head to clear it of the very doubt that Castle would do that to her, he may act like an annoying twelve-year -old everyday, but he was mature and could take control of a situation quite well if it came down to it, so she had to believe that he could do the same about this, "Look, tomorrow we'll do some searches, and we'll have the notes checked for prints, we aren't going to break off our engagement. Maybe our wedding will be pushed back a little bit until we find her, but this ring is not going to leave my finger."

Puzzled Castle looked at his fiancé, "Katie? Why would we have to put our wedding on hold if we aren't going to let her get to us?"

"Castle, really? It's so we don't have some crazy woman crashing it. You know, it would be pretty awful to die by taking a bullet on your wedding day. I mean I wouldn't even be out in the line of duty, I'd be getting married."

Rick nodded, "I guess that makes sense now that you think about it, and this person obviously wants me alive, so she wouldn't take some sort of ransom exchange of me for you," his mouth turned into a tight line and his eyes were heavy with sadness.

"Castle."

"Hmmm?"

_Say it now Kate, just say it now! I don't care that it's not in private, but he deserves to know! _"I love you," She put a gentle finger against his lips when he opened them to make him stay quiet, "and I will wait however long it takes for us to find this woman before we get married."

"I love you too Katie," He pressed his lips against hers before swallowing the remaining wine in his glass.

_Smooth Beckett, real smooth. Now open your mouth and let it roll of your tongue, 'I am pregnant.' Say it Kate, tell him now! _But before she was able to, her phone began to ring. Glancing at the caller I.D. she pressed answer put it up to her ear and said, "What have you found Esposito?"


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10

Answers

"We brought in a suspect and Natasha went nuts. She didn't even see him, she couldn't have because he wasn't brought to the holding cells," Esposito explained when Kate and Castle stepped off the elevator.

"Natasha started crying, and screaming 'Get him away from me! Don't let him touch me! Don't let him find me! He's here, don't let him find me!' She began to slam into the corner of the cell," Ryan continued as they walked in direction of the holding cells.

"She's sitting there now, not moving, and no one wants to go in to see if she's ok. If you had been here, you'd understand and probably not want to either." Pointing in Esposito looked at Kate, "You goin' in or what?"

"Yeah, I guess I have to if no one else will," nodding to the cop at the door, she entered when he opened it.

"Natasha? Are you alright? I heard you got scared by someone, can you talk to me about it?" Kate stood a few feet away from the girl, not wanting to be in harms way if the girl snapped again.

"Don't let him near me," Natasha looked up with a wild look in her eyes, "don't let them touch me."

"Let who near you Natasha? Who do you want us to keep away from you?" Kate asked as she took a step forward cautiously.

"Don't let Markus near me. Don't let them find me?"

Kate looked back at Esposito and Ryan who nodded, confirming that they had heard. Finally at least they had a first name, "Can you tell me your last name? Or his?"

"No, because he'll find me."

"Markus will find you?"

"No, Nathaniel will find me?"

Puzzled Kate took another small step forward, "Who's Nathaniel? How will he find you if you give me last names?"

"He knows things, he does things… he's bad, and mean."

"Is there anyone else who's bad?" Beckett's voice was calm, and gentle as she tried to get more out of Natasha.

"Yes."

"Can you tell me about them? Give me their names?"

"No."

"Why not Natasha? Are you afraid they will find you?"

"They will find me. Not afraid they will, know they will. It's what they do."

"Is there anything else?" Kate pushed further hoping they could get some sort of a break that would help them find out how she was linked to all this.

"Cooper's dead. They killed Cooper," Natasha took a moment before continuing, "It's how they'll find me, when they'll find me, and what he'll do when I'm returned, that frightens me."

Kate dully noted a change in Natasha's face, and knew that something had happened, but instead of leaving she kept going, "How do you know Cooper, Natasha? Who are the men you don't want to find you? Can you tell me who this man is you don't want to be returned to?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not Nata-" Kate found her voice cut off when Natasha's hands wrapped around her throat and shoved her against the cell's cage.

"I can't tell you. They will find me, and I don't want to go back. I talk, they find me, they take me back. I can't have that! I don't want to go back! I don't want them near me! Don't let them take me back. I can't go back if they don't find me. They won't touch me if they can't find me. They will find me if I talk, and they will get me if they find me."

Kate stared calmly into the young girl's eyes trying to read the part in her soul that had snapped and caused her to attack, but Ryan and Esposito pulled Natasha away before she could get anything from it. Coughing and spluttering Beckett left the cell and found herself engulfed into her fiancé's arms, "Katie? Didn't you notice that she changed in there when she said that Cooper was dead? It was like a grenade going off! Why didn't you get out of there before she attacked you?"

"Because, I needed to be able to try and see what was in her eyes. I wanted to see what would happen if I pushed a little further."

"Well, please don't do it again."

"I don't back down remember? You're the one who should know that the best, besides I knew that you three wouldn't allow her to continue to choke me." Kate coughed out a laugh and linked her fingers behind his back. Turning more serious she looked at his face, "She knows Cooper, she knew that it was Cooper, we never told her that. I specifically told the guys to wait on that. Castle there's way more to this then her not wanting people to find her, and I don't know what it is."

"Well, maybe she's somehow related to him, or just knows him from somewhere. Possibly she saw him get killed, and doesn't want the same thing to happen to her. She's seventeen, and has been raped, maybe he was her rapist, or maybe all these other guys are the names of a group that gang raped her. She could have been sold into prostitution, and the pimp is whom she's afraid of. These men could be the pimps bodyguards or something."

"If only we knew Castle, if only we knew," Kate sighed.

"Knew what Detective?" Captain Montgomery asked as he walked up.

_That I'm pregnant._ Kate thought happily, but again found herself bitter when she didn't say what she was thinking, "What exactly is scaring Natasha, and why it's scaring her so bad."

"Well I don't have a clue as to what it may be, but I'm hoping your working on finding out."

"Kate could have died a few minutes ago because she pushed Natasha over the edge! She got attacked, Ryan and Esposito are taking care of Natasha now," Castle said with a small amount of hysteria in his voice.

_Ok, maybe it was a good thing I didn't say I was pregnant right then, cause Castle would have flipped out that I pushed her over the edge while pregnant._ Kate nodded when Montgomery looked at her and she set a stupid look upon her face, "Well, I knew that they wouldn't let her get too far, and besides I was trying to find out what had snapped when her expression had changed. I was trying to see what was in her eyes besides anger and fear."

"Kate, if you ever do that again make sure you're on the outside of the cell, you may not be so lucky next time, and I can't have my best detective dead," Captain Montgomery said seriously.

"I promise Captain."

"Thank you, now please, if we can get anything on this case, I'll be able to tell the DA something, and they are beginning to get antsy."

"Yes sir. Ryan, Esposito?" Kate looked at them as they walked from the holding cell, "Run the names through the system. We may not have last names, but apparently they are bad, so they may have a rap. If we can possibly in anyway narrow down our playing field that would be great, and I know it's a long shot but it may give us something to work with. Anything would be better then what we have."

"Sure thing boss," they said in unison and headed off to their desks.

"Look, Kate, go home, sleep. You were up all night, and I can't have you burnt out if we get a lead of any sort. Castle? You are going to make sure she gets some rest, don't let her do any thinking about the case."

"Will do sir." Castle nodded and headed to the elevator with Kate leaning against him, "apparently the crashing she took at her friend's wasn't enough was it Katie?"

"Ummuumm…" she muttered and swatted at him when he laughed, "Don't laugh it's not funny."

"I'm sorry Beckett, but I find it hysterical."

"I hate you," Kate grumbled as they stepped onto the elevator.

"Love you too, sweetheart, love you too."

* * *

**A/N: SOO SORRY THAT IT TOOK SO LONG! I've been crazy busy, I'm hoping that I'll get Chapter 11 up sooner but I can't promise anything. **

**Reviews are appreciated.**

**I'm glad that so far a lot of people seem to like it, so please continue to read, it makes me glad to see that my work is being enjoyed. :)  
**

**Oh, just thought I'd tell you what exactly my username means. CrazyBeCat actually stands for more then it seems.**

**Crazy (Well that's obvious)... but BeCat is a bizarre mix of Beckett and Castle, and is actually pronounced similar to Beckett if you think about it. Anyway thought I'd share that little piece of info.**

**Disclaimer:** Again I do not own Castle, but again a girl can dream.


	11. Chapter 11

Ch. 11

Interruptions

_Look, Katherine, now's the best time to tell him if any. We're alone, and he's still awake. See, he's unknowingly giving me this open opportunity to tell him, so just say it! Open up your mouth, _Kate commanded harshly in her head and let her lips part, _ok, good start, now say something to get Castle's attention and tell him!_

"Castle, you still awake?" _Good girl, now all you have to do is tell him!_

"Yes, but just barely, and you should be asleep," He mumbled into her hair and brought her closer to his body.

"Castle…"

"What Katie?"

_Say it! Say it right now Kate, you wait any longer and you'll be putting yourself on your own hit list! _She scrunched up her nose at the thought, but now motivated Kate opened her mouth and spit it out, "Castle, I'm pregnant."

Inwardly flinching, she prepared herself for the worse, hoping the better the happened, but after a few minutes of silence she realized his breathing had changed and he was asleep. Kate had no idea if he had heard her or not.

"Great Katherine, you told him just a little too late. You had to choose the moment he's asleep to break the good news. What's with you? You've had several chances to let him know, and you take the one where he falls asleep on you!" She whispered to herself and laid her hand on her stomach, "Don't worry, I'll let daddy know tomorrow, I promise, even if I have to announce it to the whole prescient," sighing she closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift into a semi-restful sleep.

**Next Morning**

Stretching herself awake, Kate groaned when the smell of bacon reached her nose, and she felt like hurling. Jumping up she ran to the bathroom and knelt over the toilet as her stomach contains spilled from her mouth. _I'm hoping this isn't morning sickness, because I'd like to tell Castle not have him find out._

Throwing up again she moaned, "This isn't fair baby, I promised that I would tell him. You do not need to take over this already under control situation," as if on cue her stomach felt a little bit better. Smiling Beckett rolled her eyes, flushed the toilet and stood up. Washing her face with water she took in a deep breath and left the room.

"Good morning Katie," Castle said with a sparkle in his voice and a sparkle in his eyes.

Sitting down across from him she turned her face so he kissed her cheek and laughed, "Smells amazing, mind if I have one?" She asked sexually.

Eyeing her playfully he replied, "Will you share it?"

_He totally just gave me an opening to tell him. Kate, tell him now!_ Grabbing a piece of bacon she took a bite, "You willing to split it into-"

"Good morning darlings! What a wonderful smell to wake up to," Martha announced her decent down the stairs, in a simple, yet stylish, flowery array of clothing.

Rolling her eyes Kate grumped to herself while she watched Martha embrace her son, taking a piece of bacon during the process. Beckett smiled and stood to give Martha a hug, "Good morning Martha."

"How are two doing this fine morning?" Martha asked joyfully.

"Mother? Should I be afraid?" Castle inquired.

"Of what dear?"

"Of you? You're all happy, and not like good happy, but creepy happy," he looked at her with a half serious face.

"Not all dumpling, I'm going on a date."

"Even after Chet?" Her son's face became partly bewildered by his mother's proclamation.

"Richard, please. Chet would not want me to continue to wallop in his passing. He was a good man, and my school is under construction. He would want me to go out, and live life to the fullest before I go," Martha said dramatically, followed by a stark, "Don't let your pancakes burn honey, and you still have eggs on the stove too," before she whisked from the apartment.

Kate sat herself back down and picked up another strip of bacon, mindlessly chewing on it while Castle took care of the pancakes, when her stomach flip-flopped. As inconspicuously as possible she stood and hurried to the restroom once again just in time to upchuck the munched on bacon strips, "Ok, I get it. You don't like bacon, but if I go back out there will you let me eat some pancakes at least? Or eggs?" She hissed quietly to herself as she flushed, cleaned her face and hands, as well as checked her hair to make sure nothing had gotten into it. Inspection complete she went back to the kitchen, somewhat glad when she noted that Alexis hadn't come down during her absence.

"Castle, I thought you'd wan-" She spoke to soon…

"Hey Dad, Beckett," Alexis said as she bounced down the stairs, planted a kiss on Castle's cheek, and sat down.

"Alexis? Where are your manners? Didn't I bring you up better then this?" Castle asked sternly enough to startle Kate as she joined Alexis at the counter and snatched a plain pancake from her fiancé's plate.

Kate almost spit it out when she saw the crazy confused look that was plastered across Alexis's face, but instead started choking when it got lodged in her throat. Coughing hoarsely she attempted to say water but couldn't quite get enough air through.

"Katie? You ok?" Castle turned his attention from his daughter to Beckett when he noticed her coughing fit.

Waving her hand towards the glass of milk just out of her reach Kate gratefully grasped it when Castle handed it to her, and chugged wincing as the chunk of pancake loosened and slide heavily through her throat. Breathing deeply she set down the glass, "Terribly sorry, the pancake decided to get stuck."

Castle looked at Alexis with another one of his half serious faces, and scolded, "See what you did? Had you given Kate a more proper good morning, she wouldn't have started choking."

"Wha-" His daughter started but he interrupted.

"Na, I'm just kiddin'. Beckett just needs to learn how to eat," He teased as he pointed to Kate with his thumb.

"Right, and you need to learn how to not burn your pancakes whenever you talk to Martha," she challenged him with a playful glare and he matched it happily.

"You have to… pick up your phone because there my be some sort of lead on the March Case," Rich said mildly grump that her phone went off during their game.

"Right," she pulled it from her pocket, and put it to her ear after pressing answer, "Ryan what have you got? Great, we'll meet you there," hanging up she looked at Castle, "I think we're going to have to cut our play time short, there's been another body."

"Well isn't that a bummer. I was hoping I would win this time," Castle said as he grabbed his keys from the table and walk to the door, "I'll be waiting for you in the car Katie. Alexis could you please put the food away? There be an extra in your allowance if you do."

"No problem dad," Alexis replied, standing and going to the other side of the counter.

"Castle! I'd like to tell you something before we go," Beckett called to him.

"We have put your game on hold, and I'm going first! Meet me in the car, I have no idea where we are going, but that doesn't matter, there's a dead body to be examined."

"Richard, I need to tell you something, and I'd prefer it to be when you're driving!"

"Then tell me later Katie."

"Yeah Castle, I'm pregnant…. Really?... Yes, we're going to have a baby?... Well how did that happen…. Yada, yada, yada…" Kate grumbled to herself as she got out of her seat and followed Castle, not realizing that Alexis had heard what she had said, "I'll see you later Alexis."

"Bye."


	12. Chapter 12

Ch. 12

So Close

Chewing on her bottom lip, Kate fidgeted in her chair as she contemplated how she was going to tell Castle. They had just gotten to the precinct after going to the crime scene, and were now waiting for any type of results to come in or a lead of some sort to show up. This case had them all standing at an edge, no one could find anything solid, they were all theories or too broad to try to follow through unless it was narrowed down.

Beckett looked up when she heard a clattering from the break room and snorted at the sight of Castle frantically picking up the spoons he had knocked over on the floor. Happy to have a real reason to get up she walked over and assisted in grabbing the last few under the counter.

"Thanks Katie," Castle smiled and like he normally did when they were at the precinct, he allowed his lips to quickly brush against hers, but when he pulled away she didn't let him, and kissed him harder.

Parting his lips with her tongue Kate could feel her fiancé's smile as he allowed his own to slip across hers. He put his hands lightly on her hips and Beckett took hold of his jacket drawing Rick as close to her as she could while they continued to play tongue tag. Kate stepped backwards so she was leaning against the counter for support as she could feel her air running out, but not wanting to end this wonderful moment. Remembering where they were when a couple of cheers ignited from the other room, they quickly pulled apart gasping for breath.

"Nothing to see here, go back to work!" Beckett ordered, but couldn't help feeling glad that everyone in the homicide division seemed to be happy that they were together. Baffled that instead of looking away the others continued to look in Castle and her direction she soon found herself a little irritated when she saw Castle waving a hand in front of his face and panting silently beside her. Crinkling her nose she turned back to face their audience, and glared in a way that sent a message she meant business.

When the entire floor went back to work she grabbed Castle's finger and pulled backwards, ignoring his pleads of 'apple' she asked, "Why did you let me do that? Why didn't you stop me?"

"Was I supposed to? I didn't know it was legal to end a kiss prematurely, and it's not as if I was ever told to end it early. Please Beckett, let go of my finger."

Reluctantly Kate released his finger and sighed, "Rick, please, next time at least close the door!" Giving him a half apologetic look she began to move back to her desk but stopped short and went back, "Actually, Castle, we need to talk. I've been trying to tell you for a while now, but we keep getting interrupted." Stepping closer to him Kate lowered her voice a little, "I think now would be a time when we won't get interrupted and I can finally finish what I've been needing to talk to you about…. Castle I-"

"Yo Beckett?" Esposito said from the door.

"What!" Beckett snapped as she spun on her heel shooting daggers at him.

Putting his hands in the air Esposito had a discombobulated expression etched into his features, "Whoa, am I interrupting something?"

"Yes! For once in your life you really are! Why couldn't you have come twenty seconds later!" Kate said infuriately.

"I can come back, when you've calmed down," Esposito offered.

Exhaling slowly Beckett relaxed as best as she could and replied, "No, I'm sorry. What have you got?"

Reaching towards her Esposito handed his boss a small slip of paper, "The apartment address of the victim. Her name is Victoria Van Hart, aged twenty-four. She's the niece of Cooper March, and also his Goddaughter. Has a record from three years of ago for possession and selling of Marijuana, and served her time well, got out a week early on probation. Never had to be brought back in, even for assumption."

Taking a moment to think Kate scrunched her nose, and bit her lip. She took the piece of paper, looked at it for a second and spoke, "This is great. Thank you. Castle, I'm going to go check this place out, see what's around then I'm going to meet you at Remy's. Get me a Caesar salad, large fries, and mango shake. Heavy on the mango. Esposito you and Ryan are going to go talk to Natasha, see if you can get anything on Victoria. Do it carefully, don't mention her name, but ask about Cooper. See what you can get without getting hurt. See you in a bit Castle," maneuvering around Esposito Kate strode to the elevator without another word, boarded and was gone.

/ "Where are you headed to now detective? I'm a little tired of these trips I'm having to make to watch you. I mean come on, there's no way you're going to a crime scene or something alone, so what secret place are you going to?" She said as she watched Kate get into her car and drive off. Starting her own engine she typed Beckett's number into her tracking device satisfied when she got a locale on the woman she despised.

"I think it's time I'm able to keep my tabs on you without having to follow you. Say your prayers Katherine Beckett, cause you ain't gonna be seeing my Castle again," pulling out of her stop, she followed the blinking light on her tracking device that was Kate, "and that's going to make me one of the happiest ladies in the whole wide world. I can't wait to get to meet you in person, and watch you suffer the way I am when I see you two together."

**30 minutes later:**

_Castle… I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby…. Really?... Yes Castle I'm very serious, I wouldn't joke about this type of situation… How did this happen? You were on the pill…. Yeah I was on the pill, but you're the one who didn't want to use protection…. You were the one who agreed!... Well, how was a supposed to know that I would be the one woman out of a hundred who take birth control to get pregnant?... One out of a hundred? Really? Well, look at you. I always knew you were special… _Kate played another scene through her head as she pulled into a space across from Remy's. Smiling as she peered out her window she could see Castle sitting at their usual spot sipping at what looked like a martini.

_Wonderful, no kisses until I'm sure that what ever that is has been washed down with food and water. No chances with this baby, not on my watch. _Taking a deep breath she blew it out swiftly and gathered her wits together, "All right Kate, here goes nothing. It's now or never, and I'd prefer now. Besides, he's not going to hold it against me that I'm pregnant. He may sometimes be a jerk on the outside, but deep down he really cares. Once I show him that his jerkiness doesn't need to cover his sweetness, he'll be totally excited. Just you wait Kate, he's going to surprise you no matter how thorough you've thought this through." Opening her door she stepped from her car. Suddenly, as she began to walk towards her fiancé something covered her nose, and the world turned fuzzy. Fighting to remain conscious Kate struggled against her holder, but failed to escape before the world around her became black.

* * *

**A/N: I know that Remy's is a total Castle cliché but for this scene I felt like it was needed for Kate because it's something very familiar to Castle and herself as part of their relationship. If you feel differently go ahead and say so, but know that most likely I won't be changing it. *Peaks from behind the couch she knocked over for protection* I know what you're all thinking... "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING! WHY CAN'T SHE JUST BE ABLE TO TELL CASTLE IN PEACE! GOD!" I have my plans, and if you want to know what they are you'll have to continue to read, and trust that I know what I'm doing.**

**Reviews (comments, advice, etc) always loved. :)**

**I have a few people pitching tents, and just so long as nothing catches on fire I'm happy to have you here. **

**Please continue to read and enjoy. It's a pleasure to take time out of my day to satisfy my fellow Castle fans. :)**


	13. Chapter 13

Ch. 13

Kidnapped

"Detective Kate Beckett I've warned you to keep up your guard. I told you to stay away from him, because he is mine, but you haven't heeded my advice. You couldn't except that he was meant to be with someone else, could you? I was planning to wait a little longer before I came for you, but I needed a way to keep my tabs on you better. I don't like trips you've added to your schedule. I need to be able to know where you are at all times so my plans aren't ruined. If I have to do that by kidnapping you, then fine, you brought it on yourself."

Beckett swallowed coolly as the other woman talked. She couldn't see anything because of a blindfold that was tied tightly around her head, and she was unable to move because she was bound to some sort of chair. Holding down her emotions she kept her mouth from giving off any sort of hint to the way she felt inside: scared, frightened, and caged.

Kate was parched and her stomach growled and rumbled, but she knew this woman wouldn't be giving her anything because in this fan's eyes, she was a horrible threat that needed disposed of. Suddenly feeling antsy for some sort of action she couldn't keep her mouth shut, "My fiancé would have to be an idiot to marry someone who was willing to murder her competition. Besides, you had a fair chance with him while he and I weren't together, it's your own loss you missed out."

Her satisfaction was short lived when she felt what she thought was the back of a hand, slap hard across her left cheek causing her head to jerk painfully to the right. She bit down on her tongue to keep from yelping and straightened out her neck as the woman yelled at her, "Don't you ever, ever say that! Ever!"

Not knowing quite why, Kate felt herself urged to continue to push buttons and despite her efforts to hold her thoughts in her head she replied with a calm stark, "I didn't know someone as conceded as you could tell I was being insulting. Kudos to you for surprising me," Beckett stifled a scream as her head snapped in the opposite direction as before with even more force.

She felt like gagging when the blood began to seep into her mouth from a cut she had acquired on the inside of her cheek. Not wanting to make this woman in anyway happy she oppressed her need to vomit and swallowed the sticky metallic liquid. focusing on being in Castle's arms to calm herself when she felt a prick on her neck she struggled to remain in control of her fear, anger and consciousness. As an invisible hand squeezed her eyes shut she heard the woman say, "This is to ensure you don't try to escape. After my careful planning I don't need you to ruin them by getting away."

As darkness consumed her all she could think about was how Castle would be freaking out, and that she hadn't been able to tell anyone she was expecting.

/ "Katie? Where are you? This is the fifth message I've left on your phone in the past twelve hours. You're a cop, you're supposed to always have your phone with you. Did I do something wrong? Are you upset with me or something? You asked me to meet you at Remy's but you never showed up, so I left. I have your salad, fries, and shake, so you can have them when you get back, but they probably won't be quite the same. Please call me back, tell me what's wrong," Castle sighed as he hung up his phone and placed his head in his hands.

"What's wrong kiddo?" His mother asked as he heard her footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Kate's not picking up. She left to go scope out our latest victim's apartment, to get an idea of what to expect when we would go up later today to talk with the landowner. She told me she had something to tell me and that I was to wait for her at Remy's, a date at which she never showed. I went back to the precinct and the others haven't heard from her either. It's as if she disappeared off the earth," He choked on his words and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. _Get a hold of yourself Richard, grown men aren't supposed to cry. We're supposed to be tough and express our feelings in other ways besides crying._

"Oh, Richard, just because she's not answering doesn't mean something's wrong. I do admit that this behavior isn't like Beckett, but this case seems to be taking a toll on you as well, maybe she needed to escape from reality," Martha suggested as she rubbed his back.

"If that was so, why did she tell me to order her food at Remy's and not show?" He leaned back, careful not to smash her hand and ran his hand down his face.

Castle turned to look at his mother intently and was only saddened more when she through her hands in the air saying, "You have me there, my boy. I have no answer to that."

"I'm going back to the precinct, something's not right here, and I'm going to find out what," Rick stood and swiftly made his way to the door.

"Keep me posted darling!" Martha called after him as he left the loft.

/ Lifting her head Kate moaned when she remembered where she was. It was pitch black, but she couldn't tell if that was just because of the blindfold or because it was nighttime as well. Shifting uncomfortably she felt a funny fluttering in her stomach and smiled. _Don't worry baby, momma's gonna get out of this. I promise._

Pulling at the ties around her wrists she furrowed her brow when she could feel them digging into her soft wrists. Momentarily discouraged, Kate decided to forget about being neat and tugged harder at the bonds. Feeling sick as she could feel a warm liquid ooze from her wrists she stopped to breath and heard a faint clink. Putting her head down she steadied her breathing as best she could, hoping that whoever it was hadn't noticed she had been moving.

Frightened when a hand touched her chin she forced herself to remain relaxed. When she felt the blindfold being removed from her around her head she began to blink rapidly when a dim light shined in her face. Happy when her eyes adjusted her breath caught in her chest at the sight of a young girl on her knees in front of her. There was a disgusting smell wafting towards her, but she barely noticed because of how sad and how much it made her sick to see this girl. Her face was cut and bruised, her hair unclean, and full of knots. She had a look in her eyes that made Kate want to cry because they exuded more fear then she herself was feeling about the whole situation. _What is this a sick joke? Dear God, are you torturing me by sending two beaten girls into my life?_

The girl put a plate onto Beckett's lap, and Kate wished she hadn't looked at because it made her sick stomach worse. Inwardly gagging at the small pile of old, disgusting looking mash, she felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. The girl moved Beckett's face so she was looking at her and put a fork of the mush to Kate's lips and nodded. Sighing Kate opened her mouth and accepted the fork being put carefully into her mouth. Swallowing it whole she stuck her tongue out at the taste and noticed that there was a small sparkle of innocent laughter behind the girl's eyes as she put another forkful in Kate's mouth.

After constraining herself from vomiting during the ten bites of her meal she was happy to see the girl take out a small bottle from her pocket and stand up. Tipping Kate's head back she poured some in, then allowed her to swallow before doing it twice more. Beckett painfully watched the sad eyed girl pick up the blindfold and Kate felt like crying when her world became black again. She heard a faint hiccup of a stifled sob followed by a second faint clink, and just like that her savior was no longer in the room.

Sighing Kate made herself as comfortable as possible, and allowed herself to drift into a restless half sleeping state.


	14. Chapter 14

Ch. 14

Lost and Found…

_Should I tell him what I heard? What if that's why she's run off, she's afraid of what he's going to think! Oh man, why is it always me who hears this stuff!_ Alexis crumpled onto her bed with a loud thump and groaned, "What if Kate is pregnant, and I'm hiding vital evidence to her being found! What if dad finds out I'm hiding this from him, and he tells Beckett. She doesn't even know that I know, because she totally didn't realize I was still standing there. What if she hates me because I let the cat out of the bag?" She looked at her teddy bear questioningly, "What do you think I should do Rex? Should I tell daddy? It's been six days, they're doing sweeps of everywhere she might have gone, but they don't know that she might have gone for an appointment, so they won't look there. What if that's where she is Rex? What if the doctor's office was the last place she was?"

As if God was giving her a sign she jumped when her father called out her name, and the door slammed shut, "Alexis? You home?" She heard sorrow in his voice, something that recently was the new thing for him. He was like a lost puppy without Beckett, and she hated seeing him this way.

"Coming!" She called before turning back to Rex, "Maybe I won't tell him. It'll only break his heart more." Standing swiftly she was out the door, down the stairs and wrapping her arms around her father, "Anything? Anything at all?"

"Ryan and Esposito just found Katie's car, down the street a small ways from Remy's, with a good view of our usual spot," His voice cracked as he placed his chin atop her head, "and beside the car was a cloth with trace amounts of chloroform."

Shifting around Alexis looked at her father, "I thought they only did that in movies."

"So did I, but apparently not," Castle frowned, kissed her forehead, and squeezed her tight before going into his study and closing the door. Alexis stood there with a breaking heart as she heard soft sobs come from the room. She had never heard or openly seen her father cry, and to hear it now made her sick. Biting her lip like she always saw Kate doing she trudged slowly back up to her room with tears threatening to spill down her own cheeks.

/Six days…. six days of being locked up in this place with nothing to eat but the meager bits she got every night when Cassidy came down. Kate had asked the young girl her name on the third night before the blindfold was returned to cover her face, and she was happy when she got a weak reply. The following night Kate asked her exactly how many days she'd been there and Cassidy replied by showing her four fingers, now her they were on the sixth. Every night when Cassidy pulled the blindfold off and Kate's eyes adjusted she was appalled to see a new cut or a darker bruise on the girl's face, and every night the girl was more and more reluctant of putting the black fabric back over her head.

Six long days of verbal, emotional, and some physical abuse. This woman she still had no name of, or visual, enjoyed to tell Kate about how the search the precinct was doing wouldn't work because she had them somewhere they would never look. Laughter filled the room when she announced that they had found Kate's car, but anger followed when she said how much Castle seemed to miss her. Kate wanted to scream, to hold her gun and pull the trigger; she so desperately wanted more food, and a shower. Wanted to look at herself in a mirror to see if anything about her pregnancy could be noticed. Beckett yearned for Castle's arms to envelope her in one of his massive hugs, craved getting to tell him about their baby, wanting more then ever now for his stupid jokes to lift her spirits.

Her wrists were raw, cracked, and covered in scabs from pulling at the ties on her wrists. Kate's heart was broken a million times over, and she could feel her not so innocent soul, shatter every time the woman came down, and every time she felt the little prick of a needle against her neck. She didn't know what to think about her baby, but sometimes felt a funny fluttering in her stomach, and prayed it meant her baby was holding on strong, other times there was pain, and Kate desperately hoped that it was lack of food causing it rather then a miscarriage. She wanted to be able to curl up into Castle's arms enticing a happy noise from his throat as she told him about the child they had created, needing to hear his voice again, not telling him that she was pregnant but lost it when she was kidnapped.

Keeping her head down when the chain rattled she hoped it was Cassidy, maybe they could find a way to escape together, running from where ever this wretched place was in any direction, then calling Castle to say she's all right. _Call! Oh my God, my phone! I may still have my phone with me! I turned it off so we wouldn't get interrupted, that's why I haven't felt my phone vibrating! _Holding down her excitement she remained still, happy when the blindfold came off, "Cassidy, reach into my left jacket pocket, I think my phone's in there. We can get out of here." Kate's voice was barely a whisper because she didn't want her own plans ruined because her captor had heard them talking.

"No… she's dangerous," Cassidy looked at her with frightened eyes.

Fighting the urge to yell, Kate searched her brain for some sort of way to convince Cassidy to just try. Finding nothing but what she didn't want to tell she sighed and replied quietly, "Please Cassidy…. I'm pregnant, and my fiancé doesn't know, I'd like to be able to tell him, and we both know that won't happen if I'm here for much longer. I was on my way to tell him the day I was kidnapped. I stood him up and I can't even imagine how hurt, scared, and sad he is right now. Cassidy, if we can get out of here, you won't have to be hurt anymore, you could get moved into a good family with people who will love you, not beat you. Don't you want to be free of this?" Beckett was pleading with her eyes and she scorned herself for allowing a tear to slide down her cheek.

Watching the young girl Kate felt relieved when Cassidy nodded solemnly and reached into the pocket and pulled out the phone. _Thank you God! Thank you! _Kate thought gratefully before saying, "Turn it on by pressing the green button. When it's on press the green button twice more, and it'll start to ring through to my fiancé's number. Tell him to get Ryan and Esposito to track the call, return the phone to my pocket, put the blindfold back on and leave ok?"

"Ok." Cassidy held down the green button till the screen flashed on and she hid it against her chest because it was so bright. Kate silently urged her phone to hurry up, praying all the while that it would work. Finally after what seemed like hours Cassidy pushed the button twice and put the phone to her ear while watching the door. Beckett saw the girl smile and knew Castle had picked up, "Track thi-" Suddenly the door flew open and Kate watched Cassidy inconspicuously slide the phone across the floor it's sound muted by the resounding slamming the door made when it hit the wall.

Kate inwardly gasped as she finally got to sort of see her captor's face in the dim light. The woman came stalking down the stairs in ballet flats with a flowing skirt following her angry decent. Her hair was lightly curled and her facial features were sharp and scary. Beckett flinched when the woman struck Cassidy across the cheek with more force she suspected then the times the woman had hit her. She could see the tears well in Cassidy's eyes but the girl was strong, and didn't make a noise, but when she was yanked to her feet by her hair and slapped again a whimper escaped her precious lips, and a scream followed when a fake fingernail was dug into her cheek.

The woman scowled at Kate and hissed, "I'll be back to take care of you." She then whipped Cassidy's head backwards and hit her again.

Cassidy could no longer fight and sharp gasping cries bubbled from her mouth as she said, "Please, please don't hurt me, I'll do anything. I won't eat for a year. I won't fight you ever again! Please let me go, you're hurting me."

Kate's heart shattered into a million pieces as she sat by unable to help as the woman dragged Cassidy, screaming and crying, up the stairs. When they reached the top the woman glared down at her and slammed the door closed. Beckett swallowed her tears and began shredding her wrists as she yanked, tugged, and fought against her bindings. Bitting her tongue to keep from screaming she started tearing hard, desperate to break away. Ignoring the blood rushing down her fingers she hoped her phone would be able to make out her voice as she called out as loud as she dared, "Castle, I love you, and I want to make sure you kno-" The end of her sentence was drowned out by the loud cracking of a gun shot, and momentarily stunned she stopped her struggles. _No, no… Cassidy, I'm so sorry I got you into this._ Once again she bit back her tears and pulled harder ignoring the head splitting pain, all she wanted to do was get out of here.

After a very long scary moment of silence and agony Kate froze as the door reopened and the woman stood at the top of the stairs with a noose in one hand, and a knife in the other, "You just had to be a bother, you had to ignore me, and you brought this upon yourself, just like Cassidy did to herself by helping you."

Beckett sucked in a silent breath as the woman placed the noose over her neck, and prayed that they gang would be coming to get her. Paying no heed to the blood pooling in the ground she threw the rope over a beam hanging from the ceiling. Walking out of Kate's view Beckett strained her neck to see what was going on behind her but couldn't tell so instead focused on breathing her possible last breaths, and listening for any sounds that may indicate the cavalry was coming to her rescue.

"This is for stealing Castle from me," the woman grunted and Kate felt herself rising from the ground, chair and all, "this is for becoming engaged to him," higher and higher Kate went as the woman huffed. It was a slow process but Kate could feel the rope tightening and crushing her airways. She could still suck it short raspy breaths when the lifting stopped and the woman came into her vision the knife shining in the dully-light garage, "You thought I was done eh? That I was going to hang you here and leave? No, I want you to suffer more then that," Raising the blade to point at Kate's chest, a faint squeal broke her aim and the knife slid horizontally into Kate's leg. Screaming Kate glared at the woman in front of her as the pain swept through her thigh and the woman cursed, "Damn neighbors driving to fast."

Kate snapped her mouth shut and gritted her teeth as the woman began to draw the knife out of Becket's leg. It was about half way out with blood seeping from the part no longer plugged by the blade, when a loud crashing thundered through the walls and relief washed through Kate. She watched fear and savageness flash across the woman's face, as she abandoned the bloody mess, as small black dots began to blur her vision. A soft bang let Kate know her captor was gone and she wished that she would be caught before getting to far.

As the blackness swallowed her she thought about how much she hated this feeling, and could swear she saw Castle run down the stairs before the darkness closed over her head.

* * *

**A/N: *Ducks back down behind my couch* DON'T SHOOT! AAAHHH! I know I'm cruel... I'm sorry, but it makes the story more intriguing, and more suspenseful. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Love Reviews, glad to hear what you think.**

**I may have the next chapter up tonight, depends on homework, but if not... then you're going to have to wait with a dark cloud up ahead until I get Ch. 15 Then Lost Again uploaded.**

**Disclaimer:** Again, I don't own Castle... and despite my dreaming never will. :( But am glad that I get to enjoy it and use it to create wonderful pieces of literature to share with other fans. Thank you Andrew Marlow.

CrazyBeCat


	15. Chapter 15

Ch. 15

Saving a Life…

While Wearing Pajamas

Castle thrashed back and forth in his sleep and a terrified cry escaped his lips before he jerked awake and sat up swiftly screaming, "Katie!"

Looking around his dark room and reading 12:54 on his clock, he suddenly felt extremely vulnerable and very alone. Bringing his knees to his chest he ran his calloused hand along the left side of the bed, the side he'd so happily given to Kate when she asked. Six days, no contact, not even a laughing message saying she took a wrong turn somewhere. Everyone was pitching in, to help find her, and he was getting so many sympathetic looks that he started feeling worse. She had been there, near Remy's when something happened, and he hadn't been there to protect her, make sure she was ok.

A sob caught in his throat and a pain filled tear traveled down his cheek and splashed onto his shirt, "Katie, where are you? I need you." He buried his face into the blankets, one of which Kate had been able to salvage from the blowing up of her apartment, without too many scorch marks, and took a deep, shuddering breath.

Pulling his face from the blankets when a tentative knock sounded on his door he croaked, "Come in." The door opened and Alexis's face poked through shortly before the rest of her followed. She was in her favorite pajamas, the ones he'd gotten her for Christmas the year before, and was holding her adored teddy bear he'd given to her when she was four.

Smiling sleepily she padded in her slippers across the floor and snuggled into Castle's lap, wrapping her arms around him, "You ok dad?" She asked her voice filled with love and concern.

"I miss Katie, and am afraid I may never see her again. I have this crazy feeling that the woman who wrote Kate those letters had something to do with this, and if so, from the two letters she sent, she wants Kate dead. I mean, sure, maybe it's some person she threw in jail way back when, but I doubt it. Most likely they'd send some sort of ransom note," Castle hugged Alexis tightly and placed his forehead against the top of her head.

"Whether she's in the clutches of a psychopath or not, I'm sure you'll get to see her again. You two are meant for each other, and in no way would God break this sort of bond so quickly," His daughter's voice was muffled by his shirt, but the words made him smile.

They sat in blissful silence for a moment before he spoke again, "I hope you're right. Now go back to bed sweetheart."

Castle released his daughter expecting her to say good night and go back to bed but instead she hopped off his lap, pulled his desk chair over to the side of the bed, sat down and replied, "No, you sit by my side when I when I'm sick, now it's my turn to sit by our side."

Chuckling an hollow, empty sound he smiled sadly, "But Alexis I'm not-"

Placing her finger against her father's lips she looked at him seriously, "Yes you are dad, you are love sick. It may not be the same as the flu, but it's close enough. Now try to get some sleep ok." Her voice softened and her smile matched his own; one of sadness, confusion, and loss.

"Thank you Alexis," Castle kissed her forehead and laid back down, not surprised when Alexis tucked the blankets around him.

"You're welcome daddy."

**Two hours later:**

Snapping from a restless sleep Castle dully noted that Alexis was asleep in the chair, but what caught his attention was that his phone was ringing… with Kate's ring tone. Sitting up he reached for his phone cursing when he almost dropped it, pressed answer and put it to his ear crying hysterically, "Katie, oh thank God you are all right! Where are you?"

A voice he didn't recognized answered, "Track thi-" but was cut off sharply by a loud booming sound and a soft skitter-clatter as if the phone had been thrown across the floor.

Shaking Alexis awake he jumped from the bed saying, "Call the precinct, ask for Montgomery, tell him it's an emergency and I'll be there as fast as I can."

"Katie? What's wrong?" He asked frightened, hoping that whatever the noise was hadn't been the phone. When quiet shuffling followed by a loud smack he didn't care that he wasn't dressed properly and ran out of the house grabbing his keys as he went.

Running down the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator he charged faster then ever out of the building and got into his car. Forgetting to put his seatbelt on, and barely getting the door closed he sped off in direction of the precinct, happy that he had a fast easy to control car he whizzed through the lights green or not.

Remaining as silent as possible so he could hear any noise from the other line he shuddered as another thwacking sound made it to his ear followed by a scream. As the long scream quieted down he heard a female voice say cruelly, "I'll be back to take care of you."

Another thwack and a younger voice crying, "Please, please don't hurt me, I'll do anything. I won't eat for a year. I won't ever fight you again! Please let me go, you're hurting me," trailed the harsh words, and made Castle want to cry. Whipping into a parking spot Castle ran into the building without even turning the car off and yelled at someone at the desk, "Go turn off my car please! This is an emergency involving Detective Kate Beckett!"

He again skipped over the elevator and began bounding up the stairs seven at a time praying he'd get there in time.

The pleas and cries became fainter until he couldn't hear them anymore and a slamming echoed through the receiver. Out of breath when he reached the homicide floor Castle continued to run until he reached the captain's office, "Kate… someone… call…ed… using her… phone," He leaned over gasping for air as the silence on the other line continued.

Calling out loudly for a tracking system, half the floor came to the rescue and they plugged Castle's phone in as they all heard a familiar voice begin to speak quietly, as if she was far away from the phone, "Castle, I love you and I want to make sure you kno-" A sudden heart breaking bang cut her off and a hysterical squeaking cry escaped Castle's lips.

"We've got an address!" Ryan announced above the commotion as he and Esposito began charging out of the group followed by Castle.

"All right let's move it people! Someone call S.W.A.T., keep your sirens off we don't want to alert the enemy that we've arrived until the last possible moment! Karpowski, you stay here, call my radio to keep me updated on any information we get from Castle's cell. Somebody else contact Kate's father, he's staying at the Regis Hotel!" Montgomery ordered sharply and the whole room burst into action faster then ever before as they went around doing their business. Some people caught the elevator, others took the stairs, all silently praying they would be able to save their beloved head detective and friend.

As all the cars pulled up as close to the house as they could get everyone started piling out of their seats, vests on, and guns out ready for anything. A latecomer's wheels squealed and a few of them cursed when an ear-piercing scream sounded from the house.

"Katie…" Castle whimpered to himself trying to look tough, but knew they could all see through him. He was like a dog, and without his master, he's a kitten; scared, lost, freaking out at everything, and of course sad.

"Let's move, we don't have enough time to wait, someone call emergency and get an ambulance over here!" Montgomery ordered as loud as he dared and began moving swiftly towards the front of the house with the group right behind him. Stepping out of the way momentarily he allowed one of the younger cops to kick in the door, then with a bullet up the nozzle of his gun, ready for anything, he led them all into the building.

The group scattered, opening doors, checking for anyone around. Castle grabbed Esposito and Ryan before they could join the search and looked at them seriously, "She's not up here. If this mental fan of mine is behind this, she'd be in some sort of secluded dark room, like a basement, attic, or garage, but there is another female in this house. You didn't hear it but I did. We may need a second ambulance."

Ryan nodded, "I'll go make the call, Esposito's gonna stay with you to look for this secluded room. The other's will find anyone else."

Castle turned and faced the wall, walking sideways as he inspected every door, looking for any type of clue that may hint at it being the one he wanted. He moved quickly, not wanting to take up too much time because they may already be too late and he didn't want to be later. Smiling when he found what he was looking for he motioned to Esposito, "This is it. It has to be."

"I hope you're right Bro," Esposito said as Castle shoved in the door, and hastened down the stairs sick by what was in front of them.

Rick ran faster and he cried out when his Fiancé's head went limp against the rope holding her a foot or two off the ground, "Katie! Katie! Don't give up yet, you're going to be ok!" Following, with his eyes at first, where the rope lead too he added an extra oomph into his step and began fumbling with the knot that was holding Kate in the air. As he did he saw Esposito grab the bottom of the chair and raise it to release the pressure the rope was putting on her neck.

Untying the knot a moment later, he slowly put her down and rushed to Esposito's aid as his friend began to untie Kate's blood soaked wrists. Carefully he slid the noose from around her neck. Tenderly pressing his fingers against her neck he sighed in relief when a faint pulse pressed against his finger, "She's alive, Kate's alive!" He called out joyfully to himself then raised his voice for all to hear, "Beckett's alive! We've found her! She's alive!" He heard some cheers come from upstairs and smiled triumphantly.

"Castle, help me wrap her leg, we need to get the bleeding to stop. We can't pull the knife out, but when the bleeding stops it'll make the paramedics job easier," Esposito said as he dropped the rope that had held Kate's wrist together, pulled his shirt over his head and moved to the wounded leg, trying his best to avoid stepping into anymore of the blood pool then he already had..

"Uh, yeah, yeah. What do I do?" Castle asked with a small fire in his eyes. Kate may be hurt, but she was alive, and to him that's all he needed. He skirted around the pool to Kate's front and squat down next to the bleeding gash.

"Hold her leg steady so I can bind it. It may become more bloody before it stops, but I suspect that it'll be ok in the long run. I don't have any scissors so I can't get the zip ties off her wrists, and I'd advise you to be careful cause they are ugly."

It was a quick process, but Esposito was right, when he tied it a small rush of blood oozed out and it made Castle sick to see his Fiancé like this. Gently picking up her limp body he and Esposito made their way slowly up the stairs as to make sure they didn't knock her around, "Are either of the ambulances here yet?" He barked at one of the cops walking from the living room.

He felt nauseous about how much blood there was but knew he couldn't be of any help if he passed out. He could feel the blood soaking through his grey shirt, causing his chest to become sticky, and it was dripping down onto his navy blue boxers making him uncomfortable. Kate had small cuts on her neck in the imprint created by the rope, and they were slowly pulsing out small amounts of red liquid that slide off into her hair that drizzled it all over the floor along with her wrists.

The man's face turned green, matching how Castle felt, and nodded, "Just arrived, they're loading up a young girl found in the bedroom now. Should be taking off any minute, but a second one came about a minute ago."

"Thank you," Rick said as Esposito led the way outside helping to make sure Kate's head and leg didn't bump into something.

"Detective, what the hell are you doing with your shirt off?" Captain Montgomery questioned when he saw them walk through the door.

"So, what is this? I'm not allowed to have my shirt off, but Castle's allowed to be wearing his boxers? What's wrong with this picture?" Esposito replied as a few medics met them with a stretcher, "Hold on, we need to finish unbinding her wrists before we put her down. Watch her leg too, she's been stabbed, and the blade's been partially removed so it was bleeding a lot. I've bound it as best I could, _using _my_ shirt_, but it'll definitely need to be done better." One of the medics nodded and began to run back to the ambulance as the first one drove off.

"Oh my God," Montgomery muttered and ran his hand down his face when he saw the condition of his best detective after Esposito stepped to her head and supported it with his hands.

"I heard you say you found Kate." Ryan ran up and stopped short when he saw his partners back, "You need a shirt man, seriously it's bad enough Castle's in his underwear! Seriously, between the two of you, you've got three quarters of the females in the department staring at you!" He stepped forward and stumbled back in shock when he saw exactly why Esposito wasn't wearing his shirt, "Oh God. Oh, God! Castle put her down, she needs to get some help! God there's a stretcher right there man, let them take her to the hospital!" Ryan pointed to the stretcher frantically and moved towards Kate as if he himself was going to pry her from Castle's arms.

Putting one hand out to hold back his partner, Esposito focused on Kate's limp head, making sure it didn't fall backwards off his hand and injure it more as he spoke, "We can't put her down yet, not until we cut the zip ties from her wrists Ryan, and if I hadn't pulled off my shirt, Castle would have, and he's already half naked. I can also bet that they aren't all staring at me and Castle, there's no doubt some of them are looking at Kate."

Reaching into his pocket Ryan handed Esposito a Swiss blade, "That'll do the trick for the zip ties." Then looking at Castle he smirked, "Yeah, I didn't want to bring it up earlier but you seriously have some issues man. It's not sanitary to see that much leg of a man outside of the bedroom. Besides it's three thirty in the morning, and with all this commotion the neighbors are staring out their windows."

When the zip ties were cut Castle laid Kate slowly onto the stretcher, "Be careful with her, and don't leave quite yet please. I need to be with her, I'm her fiancé."

"Be quick, she needs more medical attention then we can simply provide in the ambulance," one of them replied as they swiftly began wheeling Beckett away.

"Castle, I too would like to inquire why you didn't have some decency to bring a jacket even. I mean now you're half naked, and now covered in blood," Montgomery said skeptically, "did you not think about possibly freezing to death in this weather?"

Staring at them coldly Castle replied with a serious, quiet voice, "I received a call shortly before three in the morning from Kate's phone. Heard a voice I didn't recognize, and panicked. I woke up Alexis who had the heart to sleep in a chair by my bedside because I've been having trouble sleeping, and told her to call you. I ran from my apartment, ran down the stairs, ran every red light from my place to the precinct without my seatbelt on and my door not closed all the way. I yelled at a random secretary on the ground floor to turn my car off because I didn't want to take any longer then I had already taken. Then I ran up the stairs because the elevator would take to long. My not putting on clothes may have just saved Kate's life, so shut up!" Swallowing a large lump in his throat he continued, "Now excuse me, but Kate needs to get some help, and I think it would be best if she saw a familiar face if she wakes up before we get to the hospital." Stiffly turning around he speedily walked to the ambulance, climbed in and nodded to the medic as so she could close the door, leaving the others to stare blankly at where he had just been standing.

Carefully touching Kate's fingers he leaned over and spoke softly into her ear as the engine started and the ambulance lurched into movement, "Hey there Katie, it's Castle. You're gonna be ok, I promise. We've got you, you're safe now. We're going to make sure that you heal fast, and I'm going to help in anyway to make you feel better," Pressing his lips against her bruised cheek he freely allowed the tears to stream down his face, "I love you Katherine, and wouldn't be able to live without you, please, be strong with me, and we can fight through this pain together ok?" He caressed her opposite cheek with his hand wishing she would wake up and everything would go away like some awful nightmare, but he knew that would never happen. He knew that she would forever be scarred mentally, emotionally, and physically, and he yearned to be able to go back in time so he could keep this from happening. Sad, and scared he surveyed her body, taking in every injury she had, from the bruises on her face, the marks on her neck from the hanging, her rope shredded wrists, and the gash in her leg that still had the knife sticking from it, he prayed that she would be ok, and wouldn't lose her strong, tough mind he so loved.

"Please be ok Katie, I love you too much to lose you now."

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**A/N: This chapter was supposed to be titled "…Then Lost Again" But I realized that it would work better for Ch. 16. **

**Reviews= Big hug and lots of love! I love to hear how you feel about my work, so go ahead and tell me. :) **

**Hope you enjoyed it.**


	16. Chapter 16

Ch. 16

Reunion

_"Why won't you just leave me alone? What did I ever do to deserve this?" Kate cried at the woman with tears in her eyes, "I never did anything!"_

_ "You stole Richard from me! You stole my life away, my dreams and hopes!" The woman screamed at her harshly._

_ "You didn't take your chance. All I did was love him, I've loved him even before I met him. His books gave me life. In return he loved me back, in all his stupid ways he loved me back. There's nothing you can do to end that, it's not my fault you didn't take your opening," Kate gasped out as the woman put the rope around her neck._

_ "You could have stopped it when I told you to but you didn't," Pulling down on the rope she laughed as Kate slowly rose from the floor._

Tossing and turning, fighting for air, Kate's eyes flew open and she clawed desperately to get whatever was around her neck off. Screaming when her fingers came back bloody and holding strips of torn gauze she looked around with wild eyes when something touched her shoulder. Releasing the gauze she ragingly took a hold of her captor's neck and began tightening her grip. Crazily she snarled and her lips curled when she spoke, "You think that by putting me into this type of situation I'm going to believe that I've been rescued? Huh? Do you! Do you?"

A familiar man's hoarse voice replied as two calloused hands gently touched her hands, "Katie, it's ok, you can let go now. You're going to cause the monitors to blow up, and break open another scab, or pull out a stitching."

The wild look slowly shifted to realization as she heard Castle's nickname for her, and her victim toyed with her engagement ring. When she was able to focus better Kate found herself with her hands wrapped around her fiancé's neck. Letting go she choked out a cry of happiness, fear, love, and relief all at once, "Castle! Oh God, Castle." She flung her arms around him but he pulled back slightly, "What's wrong, Castle, why won't you hug me?"

"Slow down Katie, take it easy, you're going to rip the wires out of the monitors, or the IV out of your arm. You have to be careful," He said softly before sitting at the edge of the bed, "you've already reopened the rope cuts on your neck, you can't risk causing anything else to bleed. Take a deep breath, and tell me what you see in this room. Let yourself relax so you don't cause yourself anymore harm." Castle linked his fingers with hers and kissed the back of her hand.

Beckett's heart melted and she could feel her pulse slow down as she let her gaze drift around the room before she looked at herself, "I'm in a hospital room, wearing a gown. I've got…" Her voice halted short of hysteria and tears pooled in her eyes.

"It's ok sweetheart I'm here," Castle reassured her with another tender kiss on the back of her hand, "you can talk however much or little you want. I just want you to relax so you don't set off any alarms."

"Castle, hold me, please. Let me feel safe, let me know it's really you," she said quietly as she noticed the heavy bandages on her wrists, and something was wrapped tightly around her leg, she could see it through the few blankets that covered her.

She closed her eyes and breathed in the warm smell of her fiancé when he engulfed her into a tight, but gentle embrace, "I was so afraid I was going to lose you Katie, it's still hard for me to believe you're really here. This is the first time in four days that you've woken up. You would mutter things all the time, your eyes would open but you weren't really there, you never did both at the same time. You screamed in your sleep, tossed so much that Anderson almost wanted to strap you down, but I told her I'd keep you safe. I told her that after my not protecting you, I needed to stay here to make sure at every moment that you were getting better," he's voice was thick with emotion and his Adams apple jerked up and down against her shoulder as he swallowed, "I wouldn't be able live without you Katie, you're my whole world," he kissed the spot behind her ear that set her heart racing.

In efforts to control her pulse she laid her head into the protective curve of his shoulder and chest, and replied, "I thought Alexis was your whole world Castle?"

"She gave me permission to make her second. Alexis was happy to give her spot up for you. She said that she'll always be my girl, and that you deserved a higher ranking since she saw how I was acting while you were gone," He put his head against hers and whispered into her hair, "I love you so much, Katherine, it hurts. I've never felt like this before, and I like it. It's a different type of love then what I feel for Alexis, one that I never felt while I was with Meredith or Gina. To lose you, would have been like losing myself, and neither I could handle."

"I love you too Richard, and I promise I won't be leaving you anytime soon," she sighed deeply into his chest and gathered up her strength. _Now Kate, tell him now, just get it over with. Let him have something else to look forward to._

As she opened up her mouth to speak, Castle talked instead, "I'm going to go get you something light to eat, and get Dr. Anderson so she can re-bandage your neck, and check on your other wounds. I may also go home for a moment to grab Alexis, she's been wanting to come in, but since you weren't awake and she had homework to do she asked me to get her when you woke up. She wasn't going to take advantage of her teacher's kind extended dates for assignments, but she'll be happy to have a break." Pulling from her he chuckled when she tightened her grip on him, "I'll be back as soon as I can, and I'll be just a phone call away."

She looked at him with a puzzled expression giving him enough time to unwrap her arms from around him as he said, "You're phone Katie, Ryan found it while they were doing a sweep, and thought you'd want it back. It's on the counter, they have all they need for evidence from it."

Kate shifted her gaze to the small table next to the hospital bed and smiled when she saw her phone, then almost cried when she remembered who had taken it from her pocket, "Cassidy?" Beckett whispered and returned her eyes to Castle's face, "What about Cassidy?"

"I don't know Katie, but Anderson is treating you both so you can ask her when I send her this way."

"Find out what room she's in, and go see her. Tell her 'thank you' for me if you can. She saved my life Rick, she saved my life and I don't know what happened after I watched- watched…" Her voice got caught in her throat and she looked down at her wrists to avoid recalling the images of Cassidy being beaten in front of her, "She risked everything she had for me Castle, and she deserves to know that people care."

Kissing her forehead as he stood up, he let his lips linger in her hair for a moment before walking to the door, "I will do what I can Katie."

"Thank you Castle. If Cassidy's awake get something for her too. Chinese is preferred."

"Sure thing." He blew her a kiss, his weak replying smile overflowing with love, and stepped out of the room closing the door behind him.

Laying back down Kate rubbed her belly and spoke softly to herself, "You have a lot to be thankful of Cassidy for. She fed me, and gave me water, which both of us terribly needed. I'll tell daddy when he returns, he'll be so happy to hear that's what I was going to tell him all those days ago," then she closed her eyes, unable to sleep because of the horrible images, but the white walls were beginning to get on her nerves, so she sought something more colorful in her mind to focus on as she waited for Kiley to come in, and for Castle to return.

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**A/N: Once again I chose to switch the chapters around, so I've split the concept of my original Ch. 16 ideas into to separate parts, so Ch. 17 is going to be the one titled, '…Then Lost Again'.**

**Hope you enjoyed this scene, it was a little difficult to write, but I think I've done a fairly decent job. :)**

**Reviews are loved. :)**

**P.S. There will be minors changes in Ch. 15 so I'll post in an A/N when that's done, so if you want to go back to read it you can. Nothing in the plot changes, just adding more details, so it doesn't matter if you reread it or not.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! I've been really busy with… a personal… heath like issue… :\  
Anyway… just thought I'd let you know that Ch. 16 is going to be going under construction, and I'm going to be making it better (some of the changes you may not even notice but still thought I'd mention it) I'll post in an note when it's done so if you want to go back and read it you can (though nothing in the plot is changing).**

**Enjoy. :)**

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Ch. 17

… Then Lost Again

I smiled weakly when Kiley entered the room, and shifted so I was in a more proper sitting position, "Hey Kiley."

"Good morning Kate. How are you feeling?" She asked as she tenderly took one of my wrists into her hand.

"Fine, how's Cassidy?" I winced when she twisted my wrist slightly and began to slowly unwrap it.

"Who?"

"The young girl who was found in the building. Castle said you would know what was going on with her."

Kiley threw the gauze away and grabbed a fresh roll from the drawer beside the bed, "Oh. She's alive, that's what counts," her face fell as she began to rewrap the wounds.

Fighting the curiosity to look at my damaged wrist I questioned, "What do you mean Kiley? What aren't you telling me? What's wrong?"

Anderson tied off the wrap swiftly and moved to the other side of the bed to change my other wrist. Sighing heavily she grasped my warming fingers in her own and spoke, "She's in a coma, Kate, her vitals are low. We're doing everything we can, but that doesn't mean Cassidy wants to be saved. We don't know what she's been through, but she's got plenty of scars, cuts, and bruises to show it was horrible. For her, this may be a way to escape. So even if she doesn't die, she may never come out of her coma."

Choking back a cry my vision blurred as I painfully recalled watching Cassidy get slapped around. The vividness of my inability to do anything about it as I watched, terrified for the young girl's life. Looking down I shook her head in small movements, agitating my sore neck, "Kiley, she saved my life. She gave me food and water, she was the one who called Rick, without her… Kiley… she saved my baby." I licked my lips, gathering a few salty tears in the process, and then traced the scab on the inside of my cheek from when the woman had slapped me.

"Are you having any pain right now? Don't worry right now about Cassidy, when you're stronger I can take you to see her. First let's make sure that you recover properly, because maybe then you can help her come back to earth."

Biting my lip I looked at my friend who was now finishing changing the bandage that covered my other mangled wrist, "My baby? Kiley, my baby?"

"There we go, your wrists are looking pretty good, the skin's healing slowly, but there's improvement. We had to use up a lot of thread and stitches for them, so be prepared, you'll forever have scars from them."

"Kiley, talk to me. What about my baby?" I asked feeling a confused look spreading across my face, not wanting to think what was tugging at the back of my head.

"I need to check your leg, tell me if there is any pain when I touch it, we want to agitate as little as possible to help it heal faster," Kiley was avoiding eye contact as she slowly flipped the blankets back off of my heavily dressed stab wound.

Grimacing at the sight of a deep brown red of dried blood that had seeped through I spoke to keep from vomiting, "I have a pain right now Kiley, and it's you. Why are you ignoring me! Damn it, Kiley tell me what's wrong!" The harshness in my voice caught me off guard, but it was apparent I'd gotten my friend's attention, and that's what I wanted.

Anderson snapped her head up, and when I locked eyes with her I didn't like what I saw. The sad expression Kiley was trying so hard to mask fell through and the realization of the hidden message was like a bomb going off in my heart… causing my heart to stop in my chest momentarily as I whispered, "No, Kiley, tell me it isn't true. _Tell_ me it's not true!"

When she didn't reply in the silence that followed, I felt myself losing hold of whatever sanity I still possessed. My body froze, it started in my toes and raced to my head. The freezing numbness, the emptiness, the draining of my life.

My baby, I had lost my baby! Oh, God, Castle didn't know, I didn't get to tell him. My hands became clammy and the room suddenly became sweltering, the mix between me and the outside made me sweat; it reminded me of when I watched Melanie Cavanagh's body as she melted after five years.

My mind became blank and all I could feel was loneliness, and emptiness. I clenched my fists, and felt something snap, and whatever it was I couldn't control it like I usually did. Starting at an inaudible whisper I began to scream, "No! No! Nnnoooo! Kiley, nnnnnnooooooooo! No! Please, God, no! Oh, no! Nnnnoooo! Nnnnnnooooo! Oh, God, Kiley, nnnnooooo!"

Beckett began to sob while she continued to scream, shaking her head in denial. Latching tightly onto the back of Kiley's coat sleeves with her hands she balled her fingers into fists and continued to rage as she buried her face into her friend's shoulder screaming and crying as the harsh reality of the situation poured itself out onto her like a bucket of ice-cold water. Her body shook uncontrollably, the tears staining her friend's coat as they raced one another down her numb cheeks, "My baby…. My baby…" the emptiness in her friend's voice, though muffled because Kate was speaking into her sleeves, echoed in Kiley's ears and made her want to cry.

Tightening her grip around Beckett she said the only thing she could find sitting in her head, "Kate, I'm so sorry. There was nothing we could do."

/ Stepping off of the elevator Castle immediately dropped the two bags he was carrying when he heard a loud scream coming from the direction of Kate's room. Running as fast as he dared he opened the door to find Kate clinging to her doctor with tears streaking down her face. Stepping forward he stopped, in shock, when her doctor's voice ordered, "Get out!"

"What's wrong? How can I help?" He asked fear etched into his face.

"You can help by getting out!" Shrinking against the bitter demand he slunk from the room and closed the door.

"Oh God, oh God…" Running his hand through his hair Castle sat down, then stood back up making his way to grab the bags from the walkway where he dropped them. Returning to the chairs outside his fiancé's room he slumped into one of them and put his head in his hands. It was silent now, and it scared him, he didn't want to dare make Dr. Anderson angry, but he wanted to know what was wrong.

"How's she doing?" Castle lifted his head to see Montgomery, Esposito, and Ryan walking up.

"I don't know. She woke up a couple hours ago, I left to get her something to eat, came back about five minutes ago to her screaming. I went in and was ordered to leave," Richard said softly.

"Well, it's quiet now, that's good right?" Ryan replied, attempting to find something positive from the situation, but frowned when all he got was three people staring at him, "Sorry, just trying to make you feel better."

"What you should have said was 'at least her screams still means she's alive, and functioning,' bro," Esposito said but when he saw Castle glare at him he added, "but saying nothing but 'she'll be ok, cause she's strong,' would have been an even better choice."

"We can't wait here for too long since we've got to go back to the precinct, but we'll wait as long as we can," Captain Montgomery sat down across from Castle, while the other two sat down on either side of him.

"I've spent every day since she was found here in this hospital right by her side unless I needed the bathroom or food. I've been there for her, and now when it seems like she needs me the most, I'm not allowed to see her." Sighing heavily he lowered his voice slightly, "She woke up with more alertness then one would suspect after being out for four days. She clawed at her neck tearing the gauze and scratching open some of the scabs from the rope. I touched her shoulder and found her hands wrapping around my neck. Kate thought I was the woman who kidnapped her, she seemed so wild, and happy to be choking me. You know how scary this is after what happened. What if she did it again or something!"

"Don't worry bro, we've got your back, and she'll get through this, but we need to remain calm, collected, and strong for her. Tell her that we'll be there for her, and help her through this when she's ready," Esposito assured.

"Thanks. I know," Castle sighed again in reply.

/ "Ssshhhh, Katherine, I'm so sorry. There was nothing we could do. The baby was gone before we got you. There were large amounts of propofol in your system, your baby wouldn't have been able to survive the dose you were receiving for more then a few hours. I'm happy you're alive, if you'd gotten another dose of it your body may have shut down, and we would have lost you forever," Anderson smoothed out Beckett's hair as her friend clung to her and sobbed silently into her shoulder.

As the silence continued for a few more minutes Kiley herself choked back a few of her own tears. She hadn't witnessed this type of emotion from Kate since her friend had started going to therapy. It had hurt her to watch Beckett bury herself in meaningless studies, that she ended up throwing out the window to become a cop, and reading Richard's novels. Swallowing around the lump forming in her throat she pulled slowly away from Kate and grabbed the gauze wrap, "I'm so sorry Kate. I haven't told Castle anything, and by the way he acting, I knew you hadn't been able to tell him you were pregnant. Against professional rules I didn't tell him, so that's up to you. As your doctor and friend, I must tell you that he deserves to know, but I can't force you to do anything, and won't be the one to do against your wishes."

Kate laid back and turned her face away from Kiley muttering a barely audible, "Thank you."

"Tell me if you feel any pain while I change your leg bandage, we don't want to make anything worse." Anderson said as she gingerly moved Kate's leg into a better position to unwrap and rewrap it. At the soft whimper from Beckett she removed her hands, "Sorry. I'm going to unwrap it now just so you know, then wrap it back up as fast and gently as I can. Then I need to bandage your neck again as well."

Kiley frowned sadly at the short, curt nod from Kate and as swiftly as possible redressed the wound.

/ Jumping up when the door opened Castle opened his mouth to speak but was beaten to the punch by Dr. Anderson, "She's doing fine. As fine as one can do after what she's been through. Kate asked me to tell you she wants to be left alone for a while, so you can all go home and come back tomorrow. Castle, if you want to come with me, you can go see Cassidy again. We aren't sure if it'll work, but maybe by having someone tell her how grateful, and thankful they are of the girl, she'll get better, maybe come out of her coma."

Nodding his head sadly he looked at the guys were had waited with him, "I'm sorry, if I had known she would want to be alone, you could have just left and gotten back to the case."

"We're here for you bro, we would have waited for a while anyway, and we got some amazing Chinese food in the process," Esposito gave Rick a manly clap on the shoulder.

"Yeah, she's like a sister man. We could care less if she didn't want to see us, we still want to make sure she's ok, but make sure you bring her extra tomorrow, cause she maybe unhappy she didn't get her favorite," Ryan agreed with his partner.

"Thanks guys. Look, I'm going to go see Cassidy, you wanna join me, we can all talk to her for a moment, say how we feel that she helped to save Kate's life."

"Sure thing, it's the least we can do. I bet it would be great news for Kate if we could tell her the young girl's improving," Captain Montgomery nodded his head, "Lead on."

Castle nodded back and the five of them made their way down the hall in direction of the girl's room, running into Alexis on the way, "Hey dad? Where are you going?"

"Kate wants to be left alone for now, so we're heading down this long hallway to go to the room of the young girl who helped to save Beckett's life. I'm sorry I had you cancel your plans for nothing, you can go home and see if you can salvage them," Castle replied with a quick hug and kiss on the top of his daughter's red hair.

"It's ok dad, I'll see you in a while then."

/ Watching them make their way down the hall Alexis spun on her heel when they were out of sight and asked the nurse at the desk, "Which room is Katherine Beckett in?"

"What's your relation to the patient dear?"

"I'm a frie- I'm family," Alexis smiled inwardly at the use of the word. _Family, Kate's going to be family._

"Ok, hold on just a minute…. Room four eighteen, five doors down that hall and on your right."

"Thank you," She said as she made her way away from the desk and closer to the room.

Pausing momentarily before opening the door Alexis took in a deep breath, then pushed her way into what she was hoping wouldn't be a bad idea, "Beckett? I'm sorry, I know my dad told me you wanted to be alone, but I need to talk to you."

When she didn't get a reply she moved to the chair beside the bed and sat down, looking at Kate's red-blotched face. _Oh God, I don't want to be right! Please let me be wrong!_ She cried to herself as she continued to talk, "I felt awful by not letting you know earlier that I heard you talking to yourself. I mean, it was the day you…. Anyway I was unable to tell you while you were gone, but wanted not to lie by saying I didn't know something was up. I heard you talking to yourself and you said something about being pregnant. I felt that I should let you know I heard, I didn't-" Alexis rambled, but was cut off by a weak finger resting against her lips then slipping off back onto the bed.

Straining her ears to hear the softly spoken words she could see coming from Kate's mouth, saddened when she caught the last two, "…lost it."

_Oh… my God…. No, that's just not fair! Kate's been through so much, she doesn't need this too, and poor dad… Oh, God, dad doesn't know! Well, I'd figured he didn't, but he really has not a single clue! _Her eyes widened with shock, and sadness, "Oh-no, and dad doesn't know. There's no way you told him about it, because he would have been freaking out more then he was, and now he doesn't know it's gone. Kate, I'm so sorry," Alexis leaned forward further and reached for woman's hand, squeezing it. In reply a sob broke from Kate's throat and tears slid down her already worn cheeks.

_Kate's crying… oh God, Alexis what did you do! You brought it up! You told her you know, and now she's crying! I just made one of the toughest people I know cry! I… wait, knock it off Alexis, _you_ did not make her cry on purpose. All you did was tell her the truth, she had been crying before you talked to her, it was evident by the redness of her eyes. Kate has no reason not to cry… it's just new to see such a strong, emotionally buried woman cry so easily. Deep breath, Alexis, and talk._

"Look, I won't tell unless you want me to, but I feel that you should be the one to tell him. If you don't ever tell him I won't object, and I won't say a word. I do want to tell you though, I think he deserves to know, and I think that when you're ready it may be nice for you to be able to let him know. You deserve to have someone to help you through it. I'll be here for you if you need to talk about anything. I always will," Alexis rattled on again as a way to hold her own tears back as she grasped the fact she herself just lost a little sister or brother.

Kate closed her eyes against the tear flow running down her cheeks and swallowed, but didn't say anything so Alexis stood up and reached into her purse pulling out her stuffed bear, "I'm sorry, I'll go now, but before I do I just wanted to let you know I brought this with me so you could have some company. This is Rex, I've had him since I was four. Dad got him for me. Rex is a terrific listener, loves to cuddle, doesn't talk back, and never tells your secrets. I thought that you may need something to hold while you're alone, and immediately thought of Rex. I've never separated from him for more then a school day, but I think you need him more then me right now."

Setting the bear on the table next to the bed, Alexis walked to the door and opened it, but before she left she turned around a little and spoke, "I'm sorry to have bothered you, and if you don't want Rex here with you I can take him back with me when I come back tomorrow. I also just want you to know that… I'm looking forward to having you as a step-mother," on that note she stepped from the room, closed the door behind her and walked towards the elevator.

Collapsing on the floor when the doors closed behind her, Alexis let a small sob escape her mouth, and a tear to slid down her own cheeks. She had always wanted a little sister or brother to play with, and to cherish. To hold, and protect while her father went out, and to come home to with a smile from school. Gina and her father never planned on having kids, so when they divorced Alexis had shoved her dreams in the trash, because she thought her father would never get married again, but here she was; her father engaged to a wonderful kind-hearted, tough-spirited woman who just lost a baby that she knew about but her father didn't.

Standing weakly, Alexis wiped away her tears and walked from the elevator, outside and hailed a cab.

/ When the door clicked shut Kate let her body lurch as the sobs racked through her being for the second time in less then an hour. Opening her eyes slowly she starred blurrily at the smiling bear on the table beside her head. Taking a deep breath she grabbed it and pulled it close to her body, snuggling against the warmth, and familiar smell of Alexis that clung to the stuffed animal, "Castle doesn't need to know about the lost…. He doesn't deserve to be put through this… pain after not even knowing… I was… pregnant," she whispered hoarsely to it before closing her eyes and drifting into a half-sleep of nightmares, sadness, and pure emptiness.

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**A/N: "AHHHHHH DON'T SHOOT! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T SHOOT!" *Covers head as bombardment of rapid-fire machine guns go off* Please know that I was crying so hard while writing this chapter. It probably hurts me more to write it then it is to read it. **

**Please review and continue to read (if you still want to), gold stars for both. :)**

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**Acknowledgements: **To LinMo: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR HELP! It's wonderful to have someone patient enough to send me a long message with ideas and opinions to make my story better for everyone else. *Throws confetti* Yay! :) Thank you, thank you, thank you!  
And to Alex Beckett who's been a dedicated follower since I got my very first chapter up.

Thank you all for being so supportive with your reviews, it makes me so happy to know people enjoy (well as much as one can enjoy my story anyway… with it being so sad… but I promise! Things get better!) my work, and it makes me excited to post the new chapters because there are people waiting for them.

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**Disclaimer:** There's (sadly) no way I'll ever own Castle (and after this I don't think anyone ever wants me to own it), but a girl can always dream. :)


	18. Chapter 18

Ch. 18

Thank You Cassidy

"Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?" Castle asked gently when Kate's eyes fluttered open slowly.

"Hhuummm…" Beckett shut her eyes again shoving back the urge to cry, and bit her tongue.

"I see Alexis stopped by anyway, even though I told her you didn't want to be bothered," He laughed, not noticing the pain in her eyes when she reopened them and squeezed the bear tighter against her stomach.

_Talk to him Kate, make him think you're ok. Don't let him worry more then he has, he deserves to have a rest from so much stress. _Smiling softly at him she hoped it didn't look as fake as it felt, "Yeah, she wanted to drop him off so I wasn't alone," she whispered a hoarse reply.

Leaning down to kiss her he stopped right before their lips met and said, "Don't feel like you need to act strong about this. It's ok to lean on me, or anyone else. You've been through hell and back, and have got a ton of people willing to help," then tenderly crushed her carnation colored lips with his own for the first time in eleven days.

Pulling away swiftly when her heart monitor started blaring Castle laughed as his fiancé blushed. With a loving smile on his face he teased her, "Glad to know I still get your heart racing."

Sticking her tongue out at him she sighed when Kiley came rushing in, "I'm fine Kiley," but knew her eyes would give her away to someone who's known her for a long time.

"Hey Castle can I talk with Katherine for a moment? In private?" Anderson asked giving him a stern look.

Slightly confused Castle nodded and stood up, "I'll be right outside Katie," he said before excusing himself from the room.

When the door closed Kiley looked at her friend with a sad look in her eyes and sat down in the chair Castle had vacated, "What's wrong Kate? Well, obviously it's not what caused your heart rate to speed up, but there's no way you looked at me like that saying your fine if you aren't."

"I've decided not to tell him. It's heartbreaking for me, and there's no way I can handle telling Castle, and having to deal with him after he hears it. He's already stressed out enough because of what happened to me, I can't bare to break his broken heart anymore then it has been," Kate spilled quickly then buried her face in the pillow as fresh tears poured over her cheeks.

Kiley didn't say anything, but Kate only sobbed harder when she felt her friend's hand rub comfortingly against her arm. After a few minutes when she gathered her wits again, and swallowed her tears she looked at Kiley with glassy eyes, "Can I see Cassidy? Please Kiley, I have to see her."

"Kate, you know I can't do that, not until you've healed more. The shock it may put on your subconscious, or the pressure you'll have to put onto your leg to sit in the wheelchair. No, Kate, forget it, maybe next week, but not now. Her vitals are low, and she's not in the best of conditions, you'll cause more pain on yourself then good if I take you now."

Wiping the glassy wetness from her eyes Kate shifted into an awkward, half sitting position and stared at her friend, "Please Kiley, I've already lost my baby, I can't stand to lose the girl who saved my life," swallowing the lump in her throat Kate looked away momentarily, "but if I do, I want to know that I thanked her before she left."

"I can not believe you're doing this to me! You're guilt tripping me into taking you to see a girl in a coma!"

Painfully snapping her eyes back to her friend Kate said harshly, "She saved my life Kiley! For God's sake, she deserves to hear _me_ tell her, I don't care if she's in a coma or not there must be part of her that can hear me, and maybe it'll help her come back to us…" her voice caught in her throat and she shook her head violently and forced words to come out of her mouth, "I saw what that woman did to her! I had to sit there and watch a young girl get beaten right in front of me! I couldn't do anything about it but shred my wrists helplessly, hoping I could pull my wrists out of the binds to help her. She was dragged up the stairs by her hair because she was feeding me! Kiley, I _need_ to see her, and tell her _myself_ how grateful I am!"

"I can't take you to see her yet, it's medically unethical. It could cause severe damage to your subconscious, and even your conscious. Also it could cause your wound to rip open against the stitches, it's unlikely, but it can happen with a wound such as yours. As your doctor, I'm not allowed to take you until you've healed more," Kiley shook her head and sat back, defiantly, in the chair.

"But as my friend, you would want to make sure I heal properly, and knowing that I'm doing what I can to maybe help Cassidy heal may make me heal faster. Don't forget that I got him who shall not be remembered to leave you alone… I helped you get better after your-"

"Fine! Ok, I'll take you!" Sighing Anderson pinched the bridge of her nose between her middle finger and thumb, and closed her eyes, "Fine, I'll go get a wheelchair, and we'll go see her."

Nodding gratefully when Kiley stood up Kate rubbed her face of tears and tried to look as normal as possible, "Tell Castle what we're going to do, please? I'm sorry… to bring it up, that was wrong"

"Sure thing… and yeah right," Kiley replied curtly as she opened the door and stepped from the room, leaving Kate with a hurt look plastered to her face.

"I said I was sorry Kiley," Kate whispered as the door closed, leaving her alone.

/ I swallowed hard as I held the door open for Dr. Anderson to wheel Katie from the room. My heart hurt from so much sadness and threatened to split in two, but I couldn't allow it to because if I did, I wouldn't be able to be strong for my girl, and that's what we both needed.

"Rick? Sweetie? You ok?"

Kate's heavenly voice drew me from my thoughts and I closed the door before speaking, "Yeah, I'm fine, just thinking. Come on, let's go see Cassidy before Stickler here changes her mind," I cracked a pain filled smile and in reply I got a big annoyed huff from Katie, and a glare from her doctor.

"Aww, come on now, you know it's true," I tried so hard to act normal, but it felt so weird, trying to be funny when I felt so bad. Usually it was easy, and I was everyone's release system, even though they never would admit it, but this time I couldn't find it in me to be a wisecrack.

"Don't worry Castle, you'll get it back. Just don't insult Kiley when you're trying, it'll only end in hurt, she may be a doctor, but that doesn't mean she can't injure you before patching you back up," Kate grasped my hand gently and tugged me forward when Kiley began to wheel her in direction of Cassidy's room.

"Who ever said I lost it in the first place? I was just trying to find a nicer way of insulting someone," Gosh, even Kate knew when I was whipped.

"Really Castle? Since when were you ever nice when it came to your smart-mouthed remarks?" Katie gave me a skeptical look and I laughed hollowly, hating the way it sounded.

"Since now, it's my new thing."

Kate smiled evilly and spoke in a tough whisper, "Well then, let's see you continue this new tread when everything becomes normal again."

I opened my mouth and closed my mouth like a fish; fishing for a witty statement to throw back at her, but couldn't find one, and had it rubbed in my face by a famous Beckett eyebrow raise.

"Kate, do you want to be left alone with Cassidy or do you want us with you?" Kiley interrupted our banter as she opened the door to Cassidy's room.

Turning to give me a frightened look Kate silently asked me if it was ok. I nodded to her and she gave me a weak smile, "I would like to talk to her alone. Give me ten, fifteen, minutes," she said with confidence, but I painfully heard the horror seeping from her voice and wanted to make everything go away and wheel her back so she wouldn't have to see the young girl's body, but knew that wouldn't do any of us any good to put it off.

"Just call and we'll be right in if you want to finish early," I replied as I pushed Katherine inside and heard her gasp in utter shock at the sight of Cassidy's body. She was lying on a ton of pillows, elevating her bruised black body. There was a massive amount of gauze wrapped around her chest to cover and protect the bullet hole that was there. Her skin was a pasty snow white, she had an oxygen mask over her nose, and more then enough wires connecting her to multiple IVs, and monitors.

I touched her shoulder and she gripped my hand with her own, "I'm ok Rick, you two can go now."

Kissing her cheek lightly I pulled my hand from hers and lead Dr. Anderson from the room.

/ Taking a deep breath I leaned forward, placed my elbow on the edge of the bed and gathered Cassidy's cold, limp fingers in my hand. I swallowed around a lump growing my throat and spoke quietly, "Hey Cassidy, we did it. We got out, we got away. You don't have to ever be afraid of you mother hurting you again. When you wake up I'm personally going to find someone to take care of you, I'm going to find a loving couple who would turn their world upside down to love you. Just get better ok, come back to us. When you're all healed on the outside, come back to us so we can heal you on the inside."

Pausing I swallowed again and rubbed my eyes to keep from crying. I listened to the beeping of the monitors and willed God to let her fingers move, to allow her to make it. No one deserved to be treated the way she was, and now here _I_ was trying to deal with two of them. There was no way I was going to lose the one that saved my life, and when I was able to go back to work, there was no way I was going to continue to stand by and watch the other eat her life away because she won't talk about the man who raped her. Both need closure, and someone to love them, and I'm going to be the one to find them someone.

"Cassidy, I want to thank you for saving my life. Without you I probably wouldn't have made it…." Looking down at my still flat, never to be growing, stomach I clenched my free hand into a fist and continued, "I lost the baby Cassidy. Don't think it's your fault, because it's not, but I felt that maybe it would pull you from your coma. That maybe you'd come back and save me again. I can't tell my fiancé because he never knew about the baby in the first place, and he doesn't deserve to be put through any more pain. His daughter knows though, she heard me taking to myself about it, and told me yesterday that she knew. I can't imagine how she feels because I lost it, and I need someone to talk to. Someone who knows what it's like to have something taken away because of your mother."

I took a deep, shuttering breath, trying to calm my babbling mouth, and felt like crying all over again. God, I was so sick of crying. I'd been awake for not even a full forty-eight hours and most of it had been crying. Never had I ever cried this hard, or this much, since my mother's death, and it reminded me of her; which made me want to cry all the more, "Cassidy, I've already lost my baby, I can't stand to lose my savior along with it. You saved my life, you helped me, and I want to be able to help you. I need to be able to help you heal, but how can I do that if you die on me? How can I hang onto my sanity if I know that I made it but you didn't? You have so much to live for now that your mother's out of the picture. You can live a life full of love, and happiness…. I know you won't ever forget what's happened to you, trust me I know, but at least you can go on living with a better life then you were. I'll make sure of it."

Putting my forehead down on the bed I fought the urge to cry for what felt like ages, but succumbed to the tightness in my throat and sobbed out loudly as the salty tears streamed down my face again. When I heard the door open I lifted my head slightly to see Castle come towards me. He shifted the chair to sit beside me, and rotated me wheelchair to face it. Crying I happily accepted being drawn into his arms and began soaking his jacket with my tears. Castle made soft, comforting noises as he gently rubbed my back and rocked me ever so slightly.

"Why does this have to happen to me? To her, and to you?" I choked out into his shoulder and I held onto him tighter, not wanting to ever have to let go, but instead forever live in his arms.

"I don't know baby, but we'll get through it. I'm right here, and I won't be going anywhere."

"You'll help to find a good family for Cassidy right? When she wakes up, you'll help get her into a family that will love her, and treat her right?"

"Of course Katie, Cassidy deserves at least that if not more."

"I love you Richard. Don't ever go," I mumbled into his jacket again, not wanting to have to take my nose away from his wonderful, manly yet childish sent.

"If I were to go anywhere I'd make sure to bring you with me."

/ "Hey there kiddo, how's Kate doing?" Martha asked her son as he opened the apartment door.

"Better, slowly better, but I feel that there's some piece that I'm missing, but I don't want to ask in case it makes her lose it," Castle replied, closing the door behind him and moving in direction of the couch.

"What's this? A revelation? Since when did you not go around asking personal questions?" His mother looked at him with a shocked expression as she joined him on the couch.

"Since my fiancé was kidnapped, possibly tortured, drugged, tied up, hung, and stabbed. I don't want her to bury herself in her emotions, so I'm struggling to keep my mouth shut about it," He sighed and sprawled into a comfortable position against the cool black leather.

"Shut up about what?" Alexis asked as she came down the stairs

Castle leaned his head back to stare upside down at his daughter, "There's something more to Kate's pain then what she's letting on. It's not all about the kidnapping, and Cassidy, there's something else bothering her, and I don't know what. The look she gave me when I left, I know it from somewhere, but I don't remember where."

"Oh. Well, I'll see you two later, I'm going to meet up with Ashley for a movie," Alexis replied as she made her way to the door.

"Hold on a minute. Come here I want to talk to you both," Castle shifted again to make room for Alexis to sit down.

"What is it dad?"

"Don't worry it'll just take a minute."

"Richard? What's wrong?" Martha asked as her granddaughter squeezed in between them.

"Uh, how would you feel… if we adopted Cassidy?"

"Who?" Alexis asked in confusion.

"The girl who saved Kate's life, the one who's in a coma."

"What do you mean adopted?" Alexis inquired again.

Castle scoffed and gave her a funny look as he continued, "Exactly what it sounds like. We'd take her in, and make her family. It's the least we can do. She saved Kate, I think she deserves to have us save her in return."

"Dad, that's totally not the right thing to do. If she's as bad as you made her out to be then she's going to need serious help. Help that you won't be able to properly give her because you're always gone. Sure you'd love her, but that's not enough, there's no way that will be enough. Come on, even I know that!" Alexis said skeptically as she shifted nervously to another sitting position and back.

"She's right, Richard. Do you really think you'd be able to handle it? A young girl who's spent thirteen years being abused? I can't imagine how afraid she is to have someone touch her. How afraid she's going to be to talk, or sleep even especially if she learns her mother hasn't been caught yet. It wouldn't be right to her, and with you always being out with Kate on cases-"

Standing up swiftly Castle interrupted Martha, "God mother! It's the right thing to do! This way, Cassidy can be near someone who she knows a little bit. She and Kate were both in some way abused by that crackpot, who I haven't yet mentioned to Kate hasn't been caught! Geez, you should have seen the way Kate reacted to Cassidy when she saw the girl today! I just want to do something right about this situation! Besides, who ever said I wouldn't mind having another child around the house huh? Who says I don't want another daughter, or son running around, giving me heart attacks, and staying by my bedside when I have nightmares when I should be beside theirs? Adopting Cassidy would be like starting a family with Kate, and I would love to do that! I was just wondering how you two would feel about it, not how you think I'd be able to handle it!"

Storming into his office Castle slammed the door, practically ripped the top of his laptop open, and began typing angrily where he had left off, leaving Martha and Alexis in a stunned silence in the other room.

"Oh dear, he's never going to see this situation for what it is… is he?" Martha said quietly as she stood to pour herself another drink.

Alexis blinked back tears and looked at her grandmother as she stood from the couch, "I… have to go… or I'll be late." Turning around she sped to the door.

"Have fun kiddo," Martha called after Alexis as the door closed.

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**A/N: I'M SOOO SORRY I DIDN'T GET THIS UP EARLIER! I was having some trouble with it, but it's all been sorted out. I had a small issue with OOC, so please cooperate, this type of crazy emotion hasn't been displayed all that much on Castle (if any) and after what they've all been through, there's no way they'd be themselves, but don't worry (as you can see) I'm not totally changing them or anything, just sticking them into a different, unexplored on TV, situation.**


	19. Chapter 19

Ch. 19

Release…. (Split Second)

As she let Castle slowly lower her down into the wheelchair Kate sighed, outwardly happy, even though she felt terribly empty on the inside. She was finally being released, and couldn't wait to get home to a more comfortable bed, tastier food, and work, but didn't want to be questioned by everyone about what had happened. Sadly she couldn't do any fieldwork for a good month, but at least Kiley was allowing her to hobble around the office with her crutches and that was a start.

Castle was slowly returning to his normal, annoying jokester self, and the more he did the more Kate believed that it was a good idea not to tell him about the miscarriage that was eating away at her soul. Beckett had never been keen on the idea of having kids of her own, she had been to wrapped up in her mother's death, in work, and had never found the guy that made her want to stop everything to be happy with him… until she met Castle.

Even at the very beginning when he helped on that first case, she had found herself oddly drawn to him despite his obnoxious qualities. It wasn't until about two years later, after something Javier had told her, that made her realize how much she truly loved him. When he left for the Hamptons with his ex, she thought everything was over, and never tried to tell him again, but after they had gotten trapped in the freezer everything had changed. Kate finally took up the guts to break up with Josh and shortly after began to draw Castle in, began to show him she really cared and when he asked her to go out on a date her heart soared. It was such a wonderful feeling, a feeling she'd never had before, it was different then the love she had for her mom, or her dad, or even Josh. After her mother's death, when she started going out with Richard she finally felt like she undoubtedly still belonged on earth, not just to catch bad guys, but for someone to call her his own.

Grasping his hand gently as he wheeled her to the front desk she spoke, "Hey, baby, can we go see Cassidy before I get released?" Inwardly she flinched at the word baby and felt the tears prick the corners of her eyes. _God this is not fair, I feel like crying when I just say the word!_

"Aren't you getting a little bored or tired of going in to see someone who can't talk back to you? Just curious, cause, I mean, you saw her yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day bef-"

"Castle, shut up and take me to go see Cassidy. Until she wakes up I'm going to come see her _every single_ day. She deserves to have someone come to check on her everyday, and tell her what's going on. Cassidy needs someone to tell her that we care if she comes back to us," Kate leaned her head back and glared at her fiancé.

Sighing Castle shook his head and turned the wheelchair to take her down the hall that lead to Cassidy's room, "All right, I'm sorry."

Shifting a little in the wheelchair Kate kissed his hand, "Thanks Castle. It means a lot to me to get to watch Cassidy and make sure she's ok. It's been two weeks, and you know that her vitals have improved slightly, so there's a smaller chance now that she'll come back, and I would love for her to do just that."

Leaning forward to open the door Richard kissed the top of her head, "I know. By the way, I got some more Strawberry Shampoo, so if you want to take a proper bath when we get home, I have the time."

"I would love that also," Kate chuckled softly as he maneuvered her to the side of Cassidy's bed.

"All right, five minutes enough?" He asked.

"Yeah, that should be plenty, thank you."

"You're welcome, I'll be right outside." Castle smiled and left the two of them alone.

"Hey Cassidy, it's Kate. I'm getting released today, finally. I get to go back and try living a normal life after what happened. I want you to know that I'll be here every day for at least five minutes. I'll come in and talk to you, tell you what's going on in the world, how I'm doing, and how you're doing." Kate rubbed her hand down the girl's arm, it was a little warmer then the other day, which meant that Cassidy was slowly improving, "Right now your vitals have improved a little bit, and the hole in your chest is healing up nicely. You'll always have a scar from it, just like I'll forever have scars on my wrists, neck, and leg. It's not fair that I walk away alive while you're here fighting for your life in a coma. Don't forget my promise, when you're all better I'm going to find a good family to take care of you, someone who will always love you, and will help you heal. When you're ready to come back to us, I'll personally ensure that you're put into a good home."

Laying her head down on the edge of the bed, Beckett laced her fingers with Cassidy's limp ones and closed her eyes. Steadying her breathing she imagined what it would have been like if she hadn't lost the baby, or if Cassidy wasn't in a coma but awake. Sighing she allowed her mind to wander, to make up a fantasy where Cassidy was her own daughter, and she and Castle were taking care of her together. That Alexis would be a big sister to the young girl, and love her as much as Richard and herself. Smiling as she pictured the four of them playing Frisbee on the beach while Martha checked out available men, Kate's heart began to ache for what could have been if she hadn't been kidnapped, and hadn't lost the baby.

Moving her free hand she laid it on her stomach as the emptiness inside her grew into a massive black hole sucking in her heart and soul. Choking out a soft sob she struggled to hold the tears back. Swallowing like a mad man she hissed as she began to lose her ability to breath because the knot in her throat was so tight. Kate blinked her eyes rapidly and forced air into her sad lungs, willing herself not to get worked up about it. She needed to be strong for Castle, so he could be strong for her, if she lost it now, then Castle wouldn't be able to heal, and neither would she. Rubbing her eyes she slowly gained control of her breathing and was able to repress the tears from spilling over her cheeks.

Luckily she was able to get control of her emotions when she did because the door slowly opened and Castle peeked inside, "You ready?"

"Yeah, hold on just a sec." Turning her attention back to Cassidy she brought her lips to the girl's cheek, "Bye Cassidy, I'll be back to see you tomorrow," lower her voice she whispered into Cassidy's ear, "Thank you for saving me. I love you."

Smiling she looked at Castle and nodded. He walked up behind her and pushed her out the door, "Let's go home sweetheart."

/ _"Leave me alone! Don't touch me, let me go! I never did anything to deserve this!" She screamed as the hand slapped across her face again, harder then the first time. "It's not my fault daddy hurt you! Don't hurt me! I never did anything! Kate never did anything to you she doesn't deserve what you're doing! Leave us alone!" Crying now she whimpered in pain when her body was thrown against the floor._

_ "Shut up! Just shut up you sniveling little brat! You've done everything to deserve this! You've gone about behind my back, just like your father did! You have his eyes, his hair! You are just like your father, you deserve everything you brat!" Her mother screamed at her and kicked her in the stomach, causing her to moan and curl up into herself._

_ "Mommy please, don't hurt me anymore, don't do this to me."_

_ Scoffing her mother only kicked her in the back causing her body to involuntarily uncurl as she tried not to scream. Afraid to move she stayed trembling on the floor, half curled into a ball, and silently cried as her mother spit harsh words at her, "You're a pathetic excuse for a daughter! How could anyone ever love you? You can't even follow basic instructions! No one can love someone who doesn't follow orders. Don't give me this crap that you haven't done anything, I'm sick of it! I'm sick of listening to your complaining!"_

_ "Mommy please…" she begged when she caught a glimpse of the gun in her mother's hand._

_ "If you won't shut up on your own, then I'm going to have to make sure you stay quiet," her mother laughed evilly as she cocked the gun, aimed, and shot, "I'll forever wish I'd done that sooner then I have." She heard her mother say right before the door slammed shut and she was left alone. Her body racked with pain, jerking as she tried to breath. The tears were speedily rushing down her cheeks, and the pain was unbearable. Looking at the ceiling to avoid seeing the blood she coughed causing the pain to worsen and she sobbed uncontrollably feeling the blood drain over her body and pool beneath her as the pain only got worse. She could feel her eye lids get heavy and there was a bright light shining not too far away from her. A gentle looking, woman like figure moved forward from it and knelt down beside her aching body. The woman had broad white-feathered wings, bright blonde ringlet curled hair, sharp sweet blue eyes, and a kind smile. Putting her hand out she nodded at the girl's own hand, silently telling her to take it._

_ "I'll take care of you Cassidy, I'll make sure that no one ever hurts you again. In heaven there is no pain, no sorrow, no tears, no anger, we live together in harmony and we'll all love you, and make you better."_

_ "I'll be loved? I won't be hurt anymore?" Cassidy asked curiously as she reached slowly for the woman's hand._

_ "I promise, heaven is full of love, and you'll be taken care of. No more pain, and you won't ever be hurt by your mother again."_

_ Touching the soft fingers of the woman, Cassidy could feel the pain she felt go numb and she smiled happily, "No pain. I would love that."_

_ "Then stand up child, let us return to see your Father, the one who will always take care of you," The winged figure stood and brought Cassidy with her. Cassidy smiled when she looked down at herself and saw it injure free, smooth and delicate._

_ "Let's." She said as they made their way to the bright light._

_ Stopping, confused, Cassidy turned around when she heard someone scream, "No! Don't take her away!" Cassidy stood unmoving, shocked, at who she saw behind them, "Don't take her away, she's got so much to live for. There's a family out there who will love her. I'll make sure to find them, just for you. There's someone out there in the world who will care for you, and help you heal, give you what you didn't get from your mother."_

_ "Kate, no one loves me, no one cares for me, and no one on earth ever will. Heaven is my answer, heaven has no pain, Kate." Cassidy replied with sorrow flowing through her words._

_ "That's not true Cassidy. There is someone who loves you. Someone who will care for you." Kate answered softly._

_ "Who Kate? Who would love a girl who's been beaten, and shot? Huh? Who would love a girl who can't follow directions, and can't stand up for herself?"_

_ "You saved my life, you gave me food and water. You followed my directions and saved us both by calling Castle for me. I love you, Cassidy."_

_ Her breath caught in her throat at the four words that came out of Kate's mouth. She searched Kate's face for some sign that it was a lie, but she found nothing but kindness, and honesty. Or what she thought was kindness and honesty was. Looking to the woman beside her she could only guess what type of confusion was there. In reply she got a squeeze of her hand and a smile in return, "If you want to return Cassidy, you can, it's your choice, not mine."_

_ Cassidy smiled, released the woman's hand and ran towards Kate, tears spilling over her cheeks. As she got further away from the angel she heard her say, "But know that you're always welcome to change your mind, and join me."_

Cassidy's eyes fluttered open momentarily and she softly muttered the name, "K…ate," before drifting back into her coma.

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**A/N: Reviews= Love and Gold stars! Hope you all enjoyed!**

**Acknowledgements: Thank you so much LinMo for being such a patient person to help me work out the kinks! :) 3**

**Disclaimer:** You all know the drill... Castle isn't mine. :(


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Enjoy! :) **

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Ch. 20

Home At Last

"Castle could you get me a drink please? I'm going to the couch to sit down." Kate asked when Castle allowed her to pass him by to enter the loft.

"Ah-ah-ah…. You have to pay the price little lady," He said in a playful tone.

Teetering on her crutches as she hopped around she grabbed his jacket and drew him close for a searing kiss that left them both breathless.

"Umm… kiss me like that again and I may make the wedding nice and short, right here without the priest," Castle licked his swollen lips shamelessly and growled.

"Merr-oow…" Kate laughed as he captured her mouth with his for a second time and intertwined his tongue with hers.

After what seemed like hours, but was only ten minutes, they were finally interrupted from their kissing fest, "Ahhemm… glad you two are having fun, but this box is really heavy, and I'd like to get it inside before my arms fall off."

Pulling apart Castle smiled goofily, "Looks like we had an audience. What on earth is my daughter doing not respecting my privacy? I respect yours when you kiss Ashley." Releasing Kate, the two of them moved further into the house to allow Alexis to enter.

Dropping the box onto the ground Alexis glared at her father, "Yeah, well usually I don't block the doorway for ten minutes making out with him while you're holding a heavy box wanting to get inside," she sighed at her father's confused look, slid the box against the wall and stormed up to her room, "I'll be back down for that in a while."

"What's wrong with her Castle?"

"I don't know. She's been acting really strange since you went missing, but the day you woke up she went nuts, and started acting all moody and different," Castle replied as he shut the door and walked to the kitchen.

"I'd love some strawberry lemonade please, cause I know you guys bought me more cause there's no way you didn't finish it off while I was away," Kate said as she hobbled to the couch and plopped down.

"You're in luck, I got some last night right after I left." Kate could hear the triumphant smile in his voice as he placed a glass in her hand, put a straw into it, and sat down beside her.

"Umm, thank you so much," Kate closed her eyes and cuddled into his side, sighing as he wrapped his arm around her. Breathing in the smell of Castle she sipped her lemonade, enjoying the sweet taste as it slipped down her throat.

They sat in a calm silence, enjoying the moment when a sudden crash sounded from upstairs, "Damn it!" They both looked, shocked at the words they heard spill from Alexis's mouth.

Standing swiftly Castle ran up the stairs and moved in direction of his daughter's room as Kate grabbed her crutches and slowly made her way after him.

Pushing the door open Kate saw the beautiful snow globe she had given Alexis for Christmas smashed and shattered across the floor, and Alexis crying in her dad's arms, "Alexis what happened? Are you ok?"

"I wa… s… try… ng…. t… ge… so…m…ing fo….ou… n… t… fell, " The girl sobbed into her father's chest her shoulders jerking wildly as she cried.

"I have no clue what she just said," Castle said to Kate as his fiancé sighed.

"She said she was trying to get something for me and it fell," carefully making her way to the bed Kate laid her crutches on the floor, sat down next to them, and rubbed Alexis's back, "Hey it's ok, I can get you a new one, I'm not mad that you broke it. Accidents happen Alexis it's ok."

Alexis pulled her arms from around her father and flung them around Kate, shocking the detective, "I bro…k... ur… fa…v…ite… sno… globe… I… s… s… o… so…r…ry…. I want… wanted… to get… y… some… ing… so y… cou…d… t…e…l…" Alexis allowed one of her hands to slide down and touch Kate's stomach, "e… nee…s… t… kn….w… h… wan…s… t… sta….t… a fa…ly… wi…h… you!"

"It's ok Alexis, we'll find a way. We'll find a way to do that," Kate wrapped her arms around the sobbing girl.

"Katie, how on earth do you know what she's saying? God I have no idea what's going on, yet you know everything!" Castle looked at her with bewilderment.

"It's cry talk, I thought I've told you before, any girl has had to listen to it a million times at least. You learn to put together letters and fill in the blanks. Look, why don't you go get something to clean up this mess and I'll take care of Alexis, since I can understand what she's saying."

Giving her an odd look, Castle stood up and gingerly left the room, "I'll be right back with a broom and mop."

When he was out of earshot Kate pulled herself from Alexis and kept her voice steady, "What do you mean 'you wanted to get something so I can tell your father about the baby?' Alexis, it's ok, I've got it all figured out. You've done so much for me just by lending me Rex, and not telling your father. I'm fine really, I've got it all worked out. Thank you for caring, but you should be worrying about school, not your going-to-be-step-mother," fighting back tears Kate looked at the ceiling and watched the fan spin.

"He wants to start a family with you Kate, he more then ever deserves to know now. He told me and grams that he wants to start a family with you, you should tell him so he knows there's a chance, and that you want to start one too." Alexis had a pleading look in her eyes as she pulled away from Kate, and wiped them free of tears.

"Alexis, don't do this. Do not do this to me. You don't need to worry anymore, I can handle it. If Rick wants to start a family that's what we'll do, but we'll start clean, start new, after the wedding. After we're married we'll start a family," Beckett swallowed hard against the lump in her throat.

"I won't tell him I swear, but it was so hard for me to watch him yesterday when he told us that he wants to start a family. We questioned something that he brought up in a conversation, and he blew up at us. He was so angry, I could see the hurt and sorrow behind his eyes, and he deserves to know."

Shutting her eyes for a brief moment Kate shoved her emotions back into the chest they belonged in and locked it tight before speaking, "Alexis, I've got it under control. Thank you so much for caring, but I need to handle this how I see fit. Richard, as you know, can be a thorn in your side, but he's got a big soft side that he buries by being obnoxious. This situation is delicate, and if I tell Castle now he may never become his normal self. He's been hurt enough by what happened to me, and this will only shove him deeper."

"So you think that by lying to him and telling him later on in life that he'll be able to handle it then?"

"Sweetie, you don't need to worry about it anymore, it's a grown-up thing you won't understand until you're older."

"What? Maybe this is a situation that you're so blinded by your feelings that you can't tell that what your doing is not the grown-up thing to do? Ever think about that? Have you?" Alexis spat angrily.

"No, I'm doing what's right for the present time. By telling Rick now when he's still so vulnerable, it could damage him beyond repair. He needs to be stronger before he learns what happened, or he may do something not so smart."

"When will he be stronger huh? When he's lying on his deathbed? All you're going to do is keep putting it off until it's too late! He deserves to know Kate!"

Shifting off the bed Kate grabbed her crutches and hobbled from the room, "Alexis, I can't deal with this now. I've got too much on my plate and this is not helping anything. Thank you for all you've done for me, but you should worry about the things that are important, like school, Not something that I'm handling. We can go shopping for a different snow globe tomorrow or something."

"Detective Beckett, please! Why is it so hard, maybe it will help you! Maybe he can help you!" Alexis sobbed from the bed.

Looking back with disbelief at Alexis calling her out professionally, Kate shook her head sadly and left saying, "Forget it Alexis, just forget it… Oh, and Rex is in my suit case, you can go get him if you want him back for tonight."

Fighting to keep her emotions locked up as she made her way down the stairs as fast as she could. Kate grabbed her coat, threw it on and began heading for the door when Castle's voice stopped her, "Katie? Sweetheart, where are you going?"

She opened the door, turned to face him, and said, "I'm going to the precinct."

"Anything new on the case?" Castle asked curiously as he stepped closer to her.

"No, but I want to see if I can find something new," Kate lied swiftly.

"Oh, all right. I'll see you when you get back."

"Yeah, I may stay late, so I'll bring in take out. Italian sound good?" She sighed impatiently. All she wanted to do was get out so she didn't have to be reminded about what had happened, and Castle was keeping her from doing just that.

"That sounds fantastic, I love you baby," he smiled as he leaned down to kiss her gently.

Kissing him back to hide the fact that something was wrong she matched his smile, "I love you too Castle." Turning back to walk out the door, she threw a sexy glance back at her fiancé when he lightly slapped her butt, "I'll be waiting to take you up on that offer when I return."

"I'll be waiting to see what you come up with? He smiled seductively as he quickly captured her lips again. " Have your gun with you?"

"I sure do sweetheart, no one's gonna be kidnapping me again."

"Glad to hear it," Castle watched her board the elevator, and the door close before he closed the door, and sighed.

/ Laughing giddily as she kissed Esposito goodbye, Lanie growled seductively, "Tonight, wine, my place…"

"Umm, sounds great. I'll see you there…" Kissing her neck he slowly walked her backwards as he made a trail with his tongue that ended in her mouth, tangled with her own.

"No, Javier, tonight. We have to get back to work," Lanie moaned as he squeezed her buttocks, and made a trail across her jaw to nibble on her earlobe.

"But I can't wait for tonight baby, tonight will take too long to come," he whispered in her ear as he moved his hands to the buttons of her shirt.

Pushing away gently, she sexually tucked his lip back from the pout, "Which will only make things better when we're alone together after a nice glass of red wine."

"Fine, I'll see you tonight," He reluctantly agreed, caught her lips in another kiss and turned to head back to the elevator.

Happily watching his ass as he walked away she smiled when he turned as he entered the elevator and blew him a kiss before walking into the morgue, "Man do I love that man," Lanie said, smiling to herself as she grabbed the lab results she'd gotten from some late tests she had done on Cooper's body.

Smiling wider at the thought of being in Esposito's arms, she sat down, kicking her feet up on the table and began to read through the results when she heard a muffled cry. Raising her eyebrow she placed her feet on the ground and stood up, "Hello? Is anyone in here?" Lanie asked tentatively, almost afraid of who, or what, she was going to find. Turning she spotted something suspicious, grabbed the closest dangerous object she could find and made her way towards it.

Lanie sighed, half relieved when she saw who it was, "Kate, what are you doing here girl? You practically gave me a heart attack."

Kate sniffled and lifted her head from her knees, looking at Lanie through glassy eyes, "La…nie, I…m… sor…sorr…y."

Worry ran through her body as Lanie crouched down in front of her friend, "Kate what happened? Did he hurt you, do I need to get Esposito and Ryan to bring him in?" She asked seriously, afraid of what Beckett would reply.

Half smiling, Kate only sobbed harder as she answered, "No, no Lanie, but… God I really wish it was that simple."

Sliding Kate's crutches to the side Lanie's body relaxed at her friend's answer as sat down next to Katherine and pulled her into a side hug, "Talk to me girl."

"I can't, that wouldn't be fair… that would not be fair to Castle, or to Alexis, or to you, or me…"

"What are you talking about Detective, what wouldn't be fair to the point that you'd come to _my_ place of work, huddled against the wall, crying?" Lanie asked tenderly as she ran her hand through Kate's mussed hair.

"Everything about the situation wouldn't be fair, there's nothing fair about what happened to me, what it put everyone through, what happened to Cassidy, and what I'm going though because I don't want to…" Kate bit down on her lip, silencing herself and cutting the sentence short.

"Don't want to what, Kate?"

"I don't want to hurt anyone more then I already have." Beckett sighed and laid her head atop Lanie's raised knees, "I've put all of you through so much pain, and I can't imagine putting you through more by telling you what happened while I was there, or what I saw happen to Cassidy, or that I… that I… I…" Kate choked on her words and began sobbing louder, and harder, then she had been.

"Oh, Kate, it's ok. We're here for you, don't bottle yourself up, you've done enough of that with your mother's death. You don't deserve to put yourself through that again, and you don't _need_ to because we're all here for you." Lanie said with tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

"I was drugged with propofol Lanie, and a lot of it, if I had had another dose, I may have died. I watched a thirteen-year-old get beaten in front of me and I couldn't do anything because I was tied to a chair. Well, actually, all I could do was shred my wrists, hoping I could undo the knots tied around them," Kate cried as she shook her hands (and wrists) to prove her point, "I convinced a thirteen-year-old girl to stay longer then she should have to take my phone from my pocket, that I'd forgotten was there, and in return she was beaten, and shot, and now she's in a coma. Not only that but I… I… had a… Lanie I had a…. a… I had a…"

"Shhh… it's ok girl, take a breath and calm down. Get your thoughts together, I'm here for you, and if you need to take a minute to gather up your words then so be it, I'll be right, by your side the whole way," Lanie rubbed her hand comfortingly across Kate's back.

Beckett closed her eyes and nodded slowly, breathing deeply to the motion of her friend's hand against her back. _God, I need someone else to know, but I can't tell Castle, and to tell Martha would mean that Castle may find out. Alexis already knows, and so does Kiley. I can't tell Ryan or Esposito, because no matter how hard they try they have trouble hiding that they know something, despite being able to hold their tongues they're fidgety and Castle will notice. Lanie's my best friend, and will help me through this, that's why I came here. I knew that I, and my secret, would be save, locked behind her eyes, and kept in the vault of secrets she already knows. I've told her tons of things before and I can tell her this. Open your fat mouth and just tell her! _

After a few long minutes Kate opened her eyes and chewed on her lip before speaking again, "Lanie, you can't tell anyone. God, I don't really know why I'm telling you when I haven't told Castle. I mean sure you're one of my best friends, and I can trust you with anything, but this, this is way more personal then that. This doesn't just involve me, it involves Castle, and Alexis, and Martha. Of those three only Alexis knows, and that's because she found out by accident. I had spoken to myself but she heard because she was close by, that's how she knows. She's mad at me because I won't tell Richard. I had a huge fight with her about it earlier this morning about it. She wants me to tell him, but I don't have the heart to hurt him this way, I've already put him through enough…" Kate sighed as she realized she was rambling and took another deep breath to cool her nerves.

"You ok detective?"

Putting a hand to her forehead Beckett answered, "No Lanie, I'm not ok. The propofol caused me to miscarry Richard's baby, a baby I never got to tell him about," Kate spilled as the tears began to steadily stream down her face again.


	21. Chapter 21

Ch. 21

Wishing Things Were Normal

"Lanie… Oh God, I haven't… even told… Castle yet., you're not… allowed to tell… anyone," Kate cried quietly as her friend gathered her in a big hug.

"Girl, were you thinking about never telling anyone?" Lanie asked.

"I never got to tell anyone I was pregnant in the first place, so why make them go through this if they didn't know?"

"Is that the right thing to do?"

"Lanie, don't do that, I've already had this speech from Alexis I don't need it from you too," Beckett shook her head against Lanie's shoulder.

"No, girl, I'm talking about it being fair to you. Are you being fair to yourself? You've just been through a traumatic event, and learned devastating news, is it fair to put your mind, your heart, or your soul through more by not having someone to talk to? Don't you think that Castle would be glad that you told him, not just because it was his baby, but that you are still open to him, and not shutting yourself away in a closet. Castle may be able to help you," Parish squeezed Kate tighter as her tears speed faster down her cheeks.

"But how can he get better if I tell him? How on earth can he return to his normal self if he learns what that woman did? I know you all are trying to hide it, but I know that she hasn't been caught yet. I can see it in Castle's eyes, and Ryan's and Esposito's. They are afraid she's going to come back, I'm a detective for goodness sake I've been trained to see these things!"

"Yeah, but sometimes a personal feeling gets in the way of what you see. You believe that Castle won't be able to handle it, won't be his usual self once he knows but don't you think that if it slips out at some inopportune moment in the future, that he'll be more injured then if you told him now?"

"May…be…" Kate sobbed at the truth in Lanie's words, "God, this just isn't fair! It's not fair that I have to do this to Castle, and to Alexis, and you. It's not fair that Cassidy's in a coma, it's not fair that I had to be kidnapped and lost my baby, it's not fair that you have to keep this a secret and not talk about it…"

Lanie chuckled softly and cut off Beckett's rambling, "Sssshhhh, it's ok Kate, if you won't talk to Castle, which I do think you should, then I'm glad you chose to at least talk to me about it."

"I don't know what to do! How can I tell Castle? How can I fix my relationship with Alexis? God, I don't want to be the evil stepmother! She deserves better then that, I didn't even know she knew that I was pregnant until I was… until I was found! By then… the… baby… the… baby was… gone! I'd just… learned… myself! God, Lanie, I'm so lost, and confused…"

"Hey, girl, let's start with some deep breaths, and some release. Cry your heart out if that's what you need, I'm right here and won't ever be leaving your side. No matter what you choose."

After a few minutes of Kate's weeping, and soaking Lanie's favorite shirt, she finally talked, "Lanie?"

"What is it girl?"

"How are you so calm about this? Why are you being so relaxed?"

Parish leaned her head against the wall and fought back the tears that had been threatening to spill over her cheeks the whole while, "Because… Kate… I've been through it before, myself, and what you need is someone who can remain calm about it, who you can talk to easily."

"Wait, what?" Kate pulled away from Lanie to look at her with confusion etched into her face as she wiped the tears away from her eyes and tried to gather her wits together.

Brushing her hair back Lanie set her lips in a straight line and looked away from her friend, "I've had a miscarriage. I was twenty-three, happily married until I lost the baby. How was I supposed to know my uterus was unable to carry a baby to term? 'You got my hopes up for nothing,' he said. 'You made me waste my time because of this and you lose it?' God, how was I supposed to know? How on earth was I supposed to know that it was practically impossible for me to even conceive, but if I did there was only a two percent chance the baby would make it?" Lanie rubbed her eyes viciously before continuing, "We got a divorce, and I changed my name back to Parish, I didn't want to live with a jerk who couldn't except that if we wanted kids we'd have to adopt, and he didn't want to live with someone who couldn't have children. I haven't talked to him since, nor have I seen him, and I sure don't ever want to."

"Oh, Lanie I'm so sorry! I didn't know, oh, and here I am reminding you of it…. God, I knew this was a bad idea. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you needed someone to talk to, and I'm right here to continue on listening," Lanie sighed as a tear slid down her cheek.

Katherine tucked a piece of Lanie's hair behind her friend's ear, wiped away the tear, and smiled half-heartedly, "Looks like we're both screwed up… need me to go make an arrest, or give him a piece of my mind? I bet we could track the guy down."

Laughing softly behind her watery eyes Lanie stood up and offered her hand to Kate, "No thank you girlfriend, that would only mean I'd have to see him again, and I don't need that. It was a long time ago, I have Esposito in my life now, and right now I'm not the one that matters. What are we going to do with you and your predicament?"

Kate smiled a little as she accepted the help and allowed Lanie to pull her up from the ground, "I don't know Lanie, I don't know. I can't tell Richard, I can't tell him until I can accept it myself. I can't tell him until he's stronger, and can handle it. He's still not himself now, and I don't want him to stop returning to normal if I tell him. Alexis probably hates me now, but I don't want her to. She's a great kid, and I don't want to lose the friendship I had with her."

Handing Kate her crutches Lanie shifted around so that Kate could get by, "Kate, allow me to be honest with you, why don't you start with Alexis. Go home, and get back what's been lost. If you really plan on never telling Castle, you're going to want her around to talk to if I'm unavailable, or your doctor isn't able to see you. This is not something you can just get through without strife. It's heart wrenching, and gut churning. The emptiness and loneliness, you need more then you have, and I think Castle would be the best choice. He's a good man despite how annoying he can get, he will do what it takes to help you, just like with your mother's case."

Kate sighed as a few forgotten tears freely fell down her face, "Lanie, how can I tell him? It's not a simple injury. If he does something dangerous, I wouldn't be able to handle that. He's been broken up about this situation enough, he doesn't need a lost baby he didn't know about to worsen his load."

"Kate, stop listening to your head's stupid reasoning and think with your heart for a minute. Would you want Castle hiding something from you? How is this going to affect your relationship if he finds out years from now? Listen to your heart, take a minute to sit down and follow what it wants you to do. To make things work with Richard let your heart chose for you on this, don't pay heed to your head, you'll only think like a cop. To be able to deal with this girl, you need to use your feeling of love to get through this."

Hiding a small scoff Kate shoved Lanie's advice to the side not wanting to deal with another person telling her how to run her life, "The first thing I'm doing is going upstairs to talk with Natasha, see if I can get her to tell me anything new for the case. There haven't been any new bodies yet right?"

Looking at her friend partly disgusted Lanie replied, "No, not yet."

"They must be under hiding, waiting for Natasha to make a move of some sort, slip up. Well we aren't going to let her do that yet, but we may have to soon. I'll keep you updated," Kate said as she began leaving.

"Detective, don't shove what's happened to you aside, it'll only lead to trouble. I know that it's hard to wrap your head around the hurt, but seriously, try to make amends with Alexis, then maybe have her there with you when you tell Richard. Support is always good to have, you have mine, but I promise, no matter how amazing I am, it won't be enough," Lanie replied quietly.

Lanie watched Katherine as she glanced back and smiled sadly, "Yeah, thank you Lanie, for being here for me, but right now, I can't stand to have someone telling me how to live my life. I know that may sound a bit skeptical since I came here in the first place, but I don't know how to explain the feeling. The anger, the sadness, the emptiness, my hatred, my sorrow, my want to forget it happened, my want to return to normal… the look I give myself when I look in the mirror thinking about what it would be like if I hadn't lost the baby. Lanie…"

Stepping over to her quickly Lanie wrapped her in another hug as Kate's cheeks became runways for fresh tears, "It's ok, I'm right here. I know it's hard, I know what it does to you, it's awful, and you in no way deserved it, but Castle loves you, and always will. Let that guide you back to life, allow yourself to embrace his love to the fullest and you won't regret it. I'm right here though, no matter what you choose."

Burying her face into Lanie's shoulder Kate spoke hoarsely around the lump in her throat, "I hate… crying…. All I… I… 've been doing since I… woke up, has been crying. I'm sick of it! I'm sick of these feelings! I'm sick of how similar they are… to when my… mother… died! I'm sick of how… different they are. I just want… things to… return to normal…. I want my old Castle back… the obnoxious snot-nosed twelve-year-old, who couldn't keep his mouth shut! The oddness about him that attracted me to him…"

Kate's voice slowly shifted from sorrow into a love-filled rage as she continued on, pouring out whatever words came to her mouth, "I miss his smart-aleck remarks, and his wild theories. I want his goofy laughs, and childish smiles back. I want to be able to say something and have him shoot some crazy insult back. I miss all his hidden sweetness, and ability to act grown-up when it's needed most of all…. Lanie, this isn't fair! How… can I get that back if I… tell him? How can he be himself, and be able to help others if I tell him? He's changed more and more from when I first met him, despite his jokes, he really does enjoy helping on cases… I can see it burning in his eyes, the excitement he gets. It's all gone Lanie, that burn I came to love more and more as time went on. How can he get it back if I only shatter his heart further?"

"I don't know sweetheart… I don't know… but I'll help you find a way. No matter what it takes…. OK?" Lanie replied tenderly as she tightened her hold on Kate's body after Becket dropped her crutches and squeezed Lanie back.

"OK."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I'm SOOOOO SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET THIS CHAPTER UP! SOOO SOOO SOOO SOOO SORRY! Please enjoy. Reviews are loved! :)**

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Ch. 22

Tell Me Something New (Try Something Different)

Kate sighed as she entered the bathroom to clean her face of tear marks as best she could. Her head was throbbing from the overwhelming hurt and relief she felt after talking with Lanie, and her heart ached for life to be normal. Looking at herself in the mirror she sucked in a shaky breath placing her hand on her stomach for the thousandth time, wishing for some sort of sign that the tests were wrong and her baby was alive. _Katherine! Get your head out of the clouds! The baby is gone, and it's not coming back no matter how hard you wish! Grow up to it and act like an adult! Act like the professional you are, and get over it! _

Viciously wiping at her face before she left the bathroom she headed straight for Natasha who was still in the cell. As she got closer she noticed that the girl's face was in better condition, and she now had a large bandage over her left eye. Natasha had on a fresh looking pair of dark jeans, a large baby blue sweatshirt, and navy blue socks. Huddled in the corner with a blanket she looked like she was sleeping, "Let me in Markus."

"You sure Detective?" The on guard cop gave her a skeptical look that Kate brushed away with a glare, "Ok, no problem," he said as he fumbled with his keys and unlocked the gate, "five minutes for now Detective."

"Thanks Markus." Beckett replaced her glare with a smile as she stepped in and he closed the gate behind her. Hopping with her crutches over to the corner where Natasha sat Kate laid her crutches down and sank to the floor beside the girl, "Can we talk Natasha? I'd like to get to know more about you so I can find someone to look after you when this is all over. Would you like that? Someone to love you, and not hurt you?"

Natasha lifted her face a little to stare blankly at the detective before mumbling a quiet, "Yes."

"Would you like to tell me about yourself then? Your interests, what you did in whatever free time you may have had? What type of music you like… anything that may help me find a good family for you," Kate smiled serenely at Natasha and shifted a little so she was looking more directly at her.

Pulling the blanket a little higher to her face Natasha's good eye twinkled a little as she replied, "I love the color blue… Ryan's wife bought me these new clothes. I love to draw she pointed to her sock where a small, barely visible heart looked back at her. I love this cell, because it's more comfortable then my room was." Her voice lowered and her eye began to lose it's twinkle as she continued, "I like the guy over there, he has a nice smile… but he scares me… like the others did…"

"What…" Biting her tongue before she said something stupid, Kate took a deep breath before speaking again, "What would you like then? Want me to bring you some paper and pencils? I can bring Markus over so you two could talk for a little while. He doesn't have to come inside if you don't want him too, and I can stay right here until he's gone in case you're afraid he will hurt you. He won't, but if you want to be safe, that's ok, and he will understand."

"Pencils and paper…"

"I think I can arrange that. It may not be until tomorrow for us to get colored pencils, but a few basic pencils and an eraser will do for now right?"

"Yes…"

"All right then. I'm going to call Markus over so I can tell him to get them. He won't come in, but he'll be close by. Tell me if you need him to go because you feel uncomfortable ok. He doesn't want to hurt you, so he'll back away if he needs to."

"Ok."

"Markus! Could you get five sheets of printer paper, three pencils and an eraser?"

The young cop took a step forward and repeated, "Paper, pencils, eraser? Why?"

"Natasha likes to draw, I thought it would be fair if she had something to do while she sits here in this cell. It's been a good long time, you know, since she's been out. Wouldn't you get bored?"

Markus heaved a small, deep chuckle as he replied before walking to find the supplies, "Yeah, make sure to scream if anyone tries anything funny while I'm away."

"Sure thing!"

"I went out last week, to the doctors for my injuries, and a psychiatrist came to talk to me too. I didn't say much… like the first two times she came, everyday for three days. She comes again tomorrow…. I don't want to talk to her, she reminds me of…" Natasha curled into herself a little tighter as she let her sentence trail off unfinished.

Nipping her cheek to keep from questioning the girl, Kate reminded herself of what she was trying to do. _Become friends with her Kate. Get to know her, let her know you. Create a bond that will allow her to continue to just talk, get her comfortable. If we can just let her know that we are good, we can create a friendship, and maybe she'll let something slip. Tell her about your therapist, tell her something about yourself. _

"Would you like to know something Natasha, before Markus gets back?"

"What?"

"When I was just a little older then you… I lost my mom. She was… my mom was… she was murdered by someone."

"I'm sorry…"

Kate took a deep breath and calmly locked her emotions into the trunk of her soul, "After a long time of therapy I'm still not ok about it, but I'm better. Maybe if you talked to her like you are me, it may make you feel good. Tell her about your love for drawing, maybe even show her some pictures next time she comes. You don't have to talk about whatever's wrong at first. Get to know her a little first, let her get to know you. It might be a nice change to have someone to talk to about little things. Big things can wait, start small."

Beckett watched as a little piece of something returned to the girl. She had no clue what it was, but something in the air was different then when she had walked in (which had been unfamiliar to Kate even before she began talking to the girl), there was something that was now on it's way to healing… and that was a very good thing. Smiling she stood awkwardly when Markus returned, and limped cautiously to the gate, "Ah, here we are," taking the supplies from Markus she whispered before turning back around, "give me a few more minutes, just enough to see her start drawing."

"Sure thing Detective," he replied before addressing Natasha, "I hope the pencils I found are good enough, just call if you need me to replace something." Turning his attention back to Kate before leaving he shook his eyes as to not cause Natasha any sort of fright, "If I get fired because she's found with a pencil in her neck, I'm blaming it on you."

"She won't do that, you and I'll make sure of that. I'll also tell Esposito and Ryan when I go talk to them after I through here."

"You'd better be right," He said hopefully before going back to his post outside the holding cell's entrance.

"Here you go, think this is enough for now?" Kate said as she hopped back to Natasha and handed her the materials.

"Yeah, this is good," the girl said as she placed them on the floor and immediately when to work.

"Do you mind if I stay for a short while? I would love to hear more about what you've done while I was away."

"Where were you?" Natasha set the pencil she had in her hand down and looked wonderingly at the detective.

Caught off guard Kate stuttered and stammered for a few seconds before closing her mouth and eyes forcing herself to once again calm down, and not cry, "I was with a very bad woman, who hurt me."

Natasha gently placed her hand on Kate's bad leg and stated, "Stab wound, good sized butcher knife, maybe a seven inch wide blade. Very painful, slow to heal, but heals well if not infected and taken care of properly. Will leave a long scar, and if you ever wear short shorts, it'll definitely show."

"How do you know that Natasha?" Kate asked, hoping she wasn't crossing any lines she shouldn't cross.

To Beckett's elation, and despair, Natasha slid off her sweatshirt and lifted her cerulean blue colored shirt to show a long scar that ran across her side an inch or so beneath her left breast, "Cracked two ribs… wish it had killed me, but he knew that it wouldn't. Called it an accident to the doctor in charge, then paid the sleazy guy two hundred not to put it in records or tell anyone." Natasha lowered her shirt and put her sweatshirt back on before going back to her drawing.

_Ok, there's something we can look into… maybe hard to find but it's more then we had. Kate… don't ask, not yet, be friends, don't question._ "I'm glad you aren't dead. You are a wonderful young girl who has a future waiting for you." Smiling serenely when Natasha glanced at her she continued to talk when Natasha didn't, "Look, I have some work to do, but I'll come by tomorrow with more paper, and some colored pencils. Is that ok?"

"Yeah," Natasha replied without taking her eyes off her work.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Kate said as she stood up, grabbed her crutches and called out for Markus to let her out.

"Bye," Natasha mumbled as Markus slid the gate open, and then closed again after Beckett stepped out.

/ "Yo Beckett, how long have you been here?" Esposito asked when he caught notice of his boss easing her way into her chair.

"Long enough to learn that Natasha's talking more. What have you been hiding from me? What went right and got her to start becoming less skittish?"

"Well, she's not a suspect, she's a victim. She's under heavy protection, but we allow her to come into the break room sometimes for lunch. Ryan brought Jenny only yesterday and she immediately blew half their credit buying the girl some clothes when she learned Natasha's favorite color is blue. Jenny's come a few times, and doesn't even know the full story, she's totally just being Jenny and being sweet to Natasha. I took Natasha to the appointment and then we went to the part for a bit with a few armed escorts dressed in their civilian clothes in case something went wrong."

"It seems to be working, she's talking a lot more then before I was…" Kate sucked in a breath, not finishing her sentence.

Noticing the pain behind her eyes Esposito skipped by without hesitating, "I noticed that Markus brought pencils and paper in, did you give them to Natasha?"

Smiling gratefully Kate nodded, "Yeah, it looked like she was a bit bored in there all alone so I wanted to give her something to do."

"Smart idea," Esposito nodded his head in approval as he leaned against her desk.

Rolling her eyes Beckett smiled as she pulled a notebook from the top desk drawer, "Glad to know you think so."

"Hey Beckett? I never got a chance to ask anyone else, and you may not have a clue, but do you know what they did with my shirt?"

Looking up from her work she gave him a confused look, "Your shirt? Why would I know where anyone put one of your shirts?"

"It was the shirt I used to bind your leg when Castle and I found you after he lowered you to the ground. I was wondering what became of it."

Visibly stiffening in her chair Kate swallowed down the feeling of something being wrapped around her neck. She could feel the rope tightening, and her leg began to ache painfully as if the knife was being reinserted into her leg. Kate took a deep breath, and tried not to act out of place, "No, sorry. I have no idea what anyone would have done with it. I would guess throwing it in the garbage, but hey I was out for four days, and had other, more important things to worry about like the fact that I…" Kate snapped her mouth shut, and returned to her work writing vigorously in efforts to shove the tears back.

Confused, Esposito found himself frowning as he placed a gentle hand on his boss's arm, "Kate? Are you ok?"

She didn't look up from her scribbles as she gave him a curt response, "I'm fine."

Sitting down in the seat Castle used he said kindly, "Hey, I'm here for you if you need to talk. I know you, Kate, and there's no reason to beat yourself up about any of this, no reason for you to hole it up inside of you."

Kate slammed her pencil on the table and spat angrily, "I was tortured Javier, I was tortured by a psycho who thinks she owns Castle, and to watch you lie to my face about it…. To see the look on everyone's face as you all lie to me about it! God, I know that she's still out there! It's my job, damnit, my job to be able to read people's faces! You think I'm not going to notice that you're all wearing the same scared look in your eyes? You think that I'm never going to find out that you guys haven't been able to catch her yet? It's my right to know! It's my right to know, as the victim of the situation, that I'm in possible danger of it happening again! I was tortured, starved, dehydrated, and my saving grace is dying because of me! Cassidy got shot because of me! It may have well been me who pulled the trigger on her! All she did was feed me, and give me water in the cover of night, and I got to watch her get beaten in front of me! I'm a cop, I'm supposed to keep those things from happening! It's my job, and I couldn't do anything because I was tied to a chair! I shredded my wrists in efforts to free myself so I could do something, and then I had to hear her get shot.…" the tears were spilling down her cheeks freely now as she continued to ramble on, at every word she spoke, Beckett found herself losing it all the more.

"Damnit Javier, no one understands what I went through! Six days Esposito, six days of practical starvation, being slapped and verbally abused! Six days of hearing about what she was going to do when I was gone and dead; six long days of being forced to listen to her tell me what she had in store for me, and how you were flailing around, grasping for some sort of fact to pin my kidnapping on. She told me that it was just like in her letter, she had written that my blood would be on her hands, and no one would know who did it! God, she was almost right too, and she's still out there to try it again! I can't sleep for very long at night, so instead I go to the living room and walk around the living room. It scares me because I feel that she's going to come and get me. I've woken up from nightmares thinking that she's Castle, and I've freaked out on him. He has a black eye because I hit him thinking she was there to end me, when really it was just my fiancé trying to get me to relax because of a nightmare! I live everyday a walking zombie, scared of going places because I know she's free. Yet acting like I'm not because you're all lying to me, and I'm not supposed to know because no one's told me! Damnit Esposito! She took my baby away! She killed my baby!" Kate's eyes grew wide when her revelation dawned on her. Snapping her mouth closed again she stood up, pulling at her stitches, grabbed her crutches and hobbled out as fast as she could, the tears still streaming down her cheeks.

As she left she noticed that many of her colleagues were watching her, and she prayed it was just because she was crying, and not because they had heard what she had said, "Go back to work!" She barked, trying to sound authoritative through her crying, and felt relieved when everyone looked away from her.

/ Esposito watched in shock as his boss stormed (well as best she could while using crutches) out of the precinct with tears streaming quickly down her face. His thoughts were jumbled as he tried to put together all of her rambling, but all he could really focus on was hearing the words 'my baby' come tumbling from her mouth.

"Dude… did she just say…." Ryan came up to him with a dumbstruck look etched into his face.

"Yea, bro, Beckett just said 'she killed my baby,'" He replied dumbly.

"Oh my God…. So now we're also looking for a murderer?"

"Well, depends on who you want to argue that point with."

"I'm talking 'bout us Esposito," Ryan said seriously.

Setting his lips into a straight line Esposito turned to look at his partner, "Hell yea bro, we are now not only looking for a kidnapper, and attempted murderer, but a real killer, and if Cassidy doesn't make it then she's going to have two lives on her hands."

"Do you think the Captain heard what she said?"

They both inconspicuously turned to glance at Montgomery to find him sitting at his desk, staring at the far wall of his office, with his mouth hanging open, "Unfortunately I don't think there's anyone who didn't hear it."


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: ... enjoy... **

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Ch. 23

Flashbacks

Kate was still sobbing uncontrollably as she pulled into the parking garage and turned the key. She leaned forward to lay her head on the wheel trying to get a hold on her emotional break down. Unable to believe what she had done, Kate felt all the more lost as the sobs didn't come to a stop, let alone even slow down. It was unbearable, almost three weeks of holding it to herself to suddenly burst and scream it out to the whole floor during an unstoppable ramble… she couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe that all her colleagues had heard what she said.

_"They found your car today. Boy it was heartbreaking to see Richard's face become distorted with sadness… but that disappeared quickly when I remembered he's sad because you're missing. It makes me sick that he would even think about wanting you as a wife, let alone a muse," the woman drawled on before slapping Kate hard across the right cheek, again._

_ "You really don't know him do you? He's a wonderful, loving man, who spent years trying to finally get me to even officially go out with him. This is a type of love you won't be able to break," Kate swallowed hard as the taste of blood spilled into her mouth, again._

_ "You don't deserve someone like Richard! Richard is mine!" _

_ Beckett's face snapped sideways for the hundredth time and she bit back the urge to spit out the blood still pooling into her mouth, "Why can't you realize that Richard Castle doesn't know who you are, he doesn't know you because you never made a move at him!"_

_ "I'm done with this bitch," Kate heard the woman say before she felt the prick of the needle against her neck and felt her eyes slowly being forced closed…_

_ "You just had to be a bother, you had to ignore me, and you brought this upon yourself, just like Cassidy did to herself by helping you…. This is for stealing Castle from me, this is for becoming engaged to him…. You thought I was done eh? That I was going to hang you here and leave? No, I want you to suffer more then that…"_

Slamming her fists into the steering wheel she screamed through her sobs and began to rip at her neck when the feeling of suffocation took hold of her brain. She choked violently as the pains she felt during her kidnapping overwhelmed her by returning; Kate clawed harder, trying to make it go away, trying to shove the memories from her head. Pushing against the door she fell out of the car and began writhing on the ground in agony, screaming as she imagined the horrible sufferings rush through her body. Moving her hands to her back she scratched at the itchy still healing scars from the woman's long nails dragging down her back. Feeling the blood oozing from them, Kate sobbed out as she felt an invisible hand slap across her face, her head jerked from side to side and she bit down hard on her tongue causing blood to seep into her mouth. Gagging she tossed over onto her side and vomited all over the ground. Kicking she felt her bad leg connect with something and cried out in horror as she felt something pull out of it.

_"You thought I was done eh? That I was going to hang you here and leave? No I want you to suffer more then that," Kate forced herself to try and remain calm so she could still focus on breathing the gasping breaths she could breath as she watched the blade raise into her view and the woman's eyes drop from her face to her chest. Then a heavenly squeal broke the woman's look of concentration and the knife slid deep into her leg, she could feel it shoving through her muscle, tearing through and causing massive amounts of pain to shoot throughout her body._

Kate screamed and lurched her head back, feeling it connect with the asphalt of the parking garage, and her body gave one more convulsion as the blackness she hated so much consumed her.

/ Martha laughed as her date took gentle hold of her hand as she stepped out of the car, and drew her close for a kiss, "Daniel, Daniel, I have to go darling, Richard's planned a wonderful surprise for his fiancé and I'm needed to help him execute his plans."

"But Martha, sweet cheeks, just one more, for me to go to sleep by," Daniel whispered into her ear.

Martha raised her eyebrows before smiling, "Oh, all right, just one more," she held up her index finger before having her lips captured by his for the hundredth time that night.

When they pulled apart he wore a gloriously charming smile across his face, "Thank you, sweet cheeks, now I can sleep tonight," he kissed her hand before letting her slide out of the car.

"You're oh so welcome, but don't forget," she winked at him before she continued, "I'll be there tomorrow night to ensure you sleep well."

"Oh, no my dear, I'll make sure you don't sleep tomorrow night. We'll be having too much fun." He winked in reply before she closed the door and he pulled out of the parking spot, "I love you, sweet cheeks, until tomorrow."

"Arivaderchi my darling," she blew him a kiss and dramatically waved goodbye as he drove from the parking garage.

"What a wonderful man I've found. Oh, until tomorrow my love, until tomorrow when the fun shall begin again! Aha!" Martha laid her hand atop her heart smiling warmly to herself as she turned and headed towards the elevator. Suddenly she froze when something unusual caught her eye, "Oh God, oh my God." She moved closer a choking gasp escaping her lips when she took in the bloody hand lying on the ground behind a car. Stepping out a little further she felt a rush of bile burn through her esophagus and settle into her mouth in efforts to make her throw up the wonderful dinner she'd just had. Martha disgustingly swallowed it back down, only to have it threatening to rush back up when she realized just who's body was lying still on the cold asphalt.

Reaching into her purse she speedily dialed in 9-1-1, and put the phone to her ear, "Yes, this is Martha Rodgers, mother of Richard Castle, I need an ambulance down at his loft immediately. Call the twelfth precinct and get Captain Montgomery on the phone, tell him it's an emergency and to bring Kevin Ryan, Javier Esposito, and Lanie Parish down here," she said when someone picked up.

"All right, just stay calm, can you tell me what happened?

"Damn you man! I don't know! I came home to find Detective Katherine Beckett lying in a pool of blood I think that the people belonging to the names I gave you should be down here! You are wasting precious seconds, she could already be dead for all I know, I haven't gotten too close yet but there's blood, and she's not moving! Now do as I tell you or there will be dire consequences!"

She hung up on the cop, pressed one, followed by the call button, and put the phone back to her ear as she got a little closer to her future daughter-in-law's body, "Richard, damn, pick up man, pick up!" She felt a tear slip down her cheek and she wiped it away swiftly, trying to remain calm for her son. She could see the blood from the detective's neck matting her hair onto the ground, and there was blood exuding from her damaged leg. Stepping toward her Martha skittered around the blood, trying not to mess things up and reached for a wrist.

"Hello mother, and what pleasure do I have to be called by you, when you should be here before Katie gets home?"

_Oh, thank God, there's a pulse._ Swallow to keep her voice steady Martha answered as she heard a distant siren blare out, "Richard I _am_ here, I'm in the parking garage…"

"Well get up here before Kate gets back! I want this to go perfect and I need you to be up here to help finish it up!" Her son interrupted her and she sighed heavily before saying…

"Richard, darling, Kate is here. I think you should come down to the parking garage," despite her efforts a small crack in her voice threw away her calmness. _Umm… blood… use ah, scarf…_

His voice suddenly turned very serious as he asked, "What's wrong mother? What's the matter with Katie?"

"I don't know darling, I haven't a clue, but I feel that you should remain calm and get down here. I've already called for the gang to come, but maybe you should call in too."

"What is wrong mother!" He shouted on the other line and she cringed when she heard a door slam as she pressed her scarf gently against Kate's neck, trying to clear away some of the blood so she knew exactly where it was coming from (and so she didn't accidentally cut off Kate's air supply).

"Richard, sweetheart, I don't have the slightest clue, but she doesn't seem to be in the best of shape, though she is alive, and freaking out isn't going to help the situation. though I would advise coming quickly so you're here when the ambulance arrives… well I said they should send one, I only hope they do."

/ "Damn!" Castle cursed as he slammed his hands into the elevator that wouldn't come fast enough, "Forget this…" he grumbled, immensely annoyed, as he ran down the hall and began busting his butt down the stairs.

_Running, ever running, don't stop, can't stop…. Silence, too silent… keep running, don't stop… she needs me. Running, pounding down the stairs, harder, faster. No breath, keep running…. Out of oxygen… keep moving, she needs me. Slam through a door, pound down some more stairs, time ticking by all too quickly, body moving all too slowly… yet it seems to be going so fast. Silence, seconds ticking by, half way down, smashing through another door, more stairs, no oxygen. Keep moving, she needs me._

As Castle charged down the stairs he shook off the feeling that was creeping it's way into his head. The feeling he had felt when Cassidy had called him, using Kate's phone. He felt hot, and sweaty as he trudged all too slowly for his liking down the stairs, like it felt when he was going to the precinct with his phone. Trying to pick up the pace, as he had those few weeks ago, he began to feel light head, began to feel the walls closing in on his life, like they had all those weeks ago.

_Blood pumping, walls caving in, no time… no time to lose. Loss of air, blurry vision, tears, sweat, sting. Silence, minutes, all too long, no sound, no life, just quiet. Shuffle… a shuffle… a sign of life. Sobs, a burst of energy, scream, pound, slam, freedom, air… keep moving, no time, she needs me._

"Damn it!" He cried out as he smashed into a locked door, "Damn it!" Plunging his hands into his pockets he brought them out keyless and cursed again. Turning around he tore his way back up the way he came, praying that he'd still make it in time.

_Alone, sleepless nights, tired, scared, silence, blood rushing, nightmares… move faster! She needs me, she's in trouble! Muscles weak, forget it, keep moving, faster, faster… she needs me, faster, heart pounding, head throbbing, forget it, keep moving. Finally! _

Wrenching his front door open he ripped his keys of the hook spun around faster then light, and headed back down the hall.

_ Go, faster! Return to her, go to her, faster, she's in trouble. Ever faster, light headed, out of breath, keep going, almost there. Halfway there, getting closer. Faster, closer, breathless, pain, blurry, alone, stairs never ending._

Richard tromped his way heavily back down the stairs, not believing that he'd forgotten his keys and had to go back. He forced himself to go faster and he could see the world becoming a blur through his tears and light-headedness from lack of oxygen, but right then he didn't care. At last, after what seemed like hours but had only been about four minutes, he reached the door again and jammed the key in the lock, yanking it open not caring to close it as he crashed down the final set of stairs.

Castle sucked in a deep breath as he shoved wearily out the last door into the parking garage and plowed right into Esposito, "Sorry, excuse me," he apologized breathlessly and stepped to the right in direction of where he saw a stretcher, but had a muscled arm smashed into his chest and pin him to the wall, "Esposito, I said I was sorry, let me go."

/ Esposito gave him a death stare as he answered, "No. Bro, I had my orders to keep you back, until I made you get a hold of yourself. So that's what I'm gonna do…. Get… a… grip… or I won't let you go until the ambulance is long gone. She is alive. Lanie suspects it wasn't an attack from someone else, but Kate did it herself. It's common in a traumatized being to have life like flashbacks, where the emotions and the pain is all there, swallowing the victim in a state where they torture themselves."

Wriggling beneath the strong hold Esposito had on him, most likely the strongest Castle had ever faced, Javier listened to his friend grunted, "Do… you think… this is helping… me? Let me… go to her!"

Javier shook his head, "No, I'm not done. Kate's scratched up her neck, worse then it was before, she's reopened the wounds on her back, and she's pulled out at least a third of the stitches in her leg. How, why, when? Lanie has no idea, and nether do the medics, not really. She was still bleeding when we got here, but we don't know how badly she'd been bleeding before, and we don't know exactly what time it happened."

Esposito decided to leave out the talk he'd had with his boss early that evening, not wanting to cause a new emotion take it's hold on Castle. He had no idea what had happened between the five hours between her leave, and the call. She could have gone anywhere, done anything… and that's what scared him, he didn't need Castle to know that fear, and wouldn't let him. Javier could think up a storm about the possibilities, and he couldn't deal with a crazy murder mystery writer thinking up any stories worse then his own.

Keeping his breathing level Esposito didn't drop the death stare he was giving the struggling Castle, and held fast onto the grip he had that was detaining the man against the walls, "Calm down, don't do anything stupid," he said through gritted teeth a few seconds before the sirens of the ambulance started thundering around the echoing garage.

Richard stopped wresting against Esposito's hold on him and stared back, "Let me go to her before they drive away."

Before pulling away Esposito repeated himself, in efforts to heighten the slim possibility that Castle would actually do as instructed, "Do not do anything stupid!"

Nodding when Javier let go Castle ran to the ambulance as a medic began closing the back, "Hold on, I'm her fiancé, let me ride with her."

Esposito watched as the medic allowed Rick to jump in before closing the doors and returning to the front of the vehicle, as it lurched forward and drove out of the garage.

"Hey baby, you ok?"

He turned at the sound of Lanie's voice and smiled softly, "Yea, I'm ok."

Lanie scoffed and poked a finger into his chest, "Hold on, let me rephrase that for you…. What is the matter with you at this moment, that would make you stare so depressingly after an ambulance?"

Esposito gathered Lanie into his arms before replying, "I may have egged this on by accident, when I brought up her kidnapping. I wanted to know if she knew what happened to my shirt… and she snapped. Kept on rambling on and on about the surface horrors she witnessed. I could tell there was more beneath that, I could see it in her eyes, like she told me she could tell we were lying to her about the woman not being caught. Then she said something that made her come back to reality before she stormed… correction, hobbled… out of the precinct."

"What did she say?" Lanie's warm voice asked quietly.

Licking his lips Esposito set them into a straight line, happy his girlfriend presently couldn't see his face, "You don't want to know."

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**A/N: Are you sitting at the edge of your seat? Are you going crazy for me to get the next chapter up? Huh? Well... why don't you tell me... in a review... :o**

**Crazy right? Different spin... come on, admit it, you thought something else was going to happen... I know you were...**

**~CBC~**


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N: I'M SORRY! I'M SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!**_

_**I'VE BEEN SOOOO SOOOO BUSY THAT TIME TO WORK ON MY FF'S HAVE BEEN HARD AND THEN I RAN ACROSS A MOMENT OF WRITER'S BLOCK... :( I'm soooo soooo soooo sooooooooooooo sooooooooooo sorry that it's been so long since I got a new chapter up. :( I'm hoping maybe to make it up to you that I'll be able to get Ch. 25 up really really soon.**_

_**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. There's a lot of dialogue, A LOT of dialogue (reason for title of this chapter...).**_

_**Love love love... review when you're done reading! :D please... it makes me feel good to hear what you have to say. :D**_

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Ch. 24

Speeches

"Hey, Kate, what happened girl?" Kiley said quietly as she sat down in the chair and took a hold of Kate's limp hand, "You just got out of here, did you want to come back that badly? You've reopened the wounds on your back, and added some new ones to your neck… Kate, you pulled some stitches out of your leg… a lot, of stitches from your leg. How? Not only that, but God… woman, it's like you have a second head practically, you hit the ground hard. Hard enough to fracture the back of your skull, luckily not a bad enough facture to cause any severe damage to your brain, but you have a minor concussion, and needed five staples to ensure that the small amount of blood stopped flowing, and ensure that the fracture doesn't become any larger."

Kiley sighed and ran a hand down her face as the silence pursued. Taking a deep breath she brought up a different subject, "I ran into Maddie the other day. She's doing well, has a wonderful boyfriend and seems to be really happy. I was going to call you up sometime tomorrow and see if you wanted to come hang out with us, some precious, very needed girl time. To get away from the horrors of what happened, and just hang out. So much for that idea… I don't think you'll be waking up for a while if I what I think brought this on is correct."

Swallowing hard Kiley leaned forward to rest her hand on Kate's cheek, "Let me tell you right up front, it won't stop. You won't ever forget, there will be times when it's harder then ever, even years later, but you will learn to live through it, and deal with it. I still can't always get to sleep at night, they still haven't caught the guy, it's been thirteen years and I'm still suffering from what happened. But, Kate, that doesn't mean you have to hide from it, if your condition drops anymore then it has, and you don't wake up within the next twenty-four hours, I'm going to have to declare you in comatose. I don't want to do that Kate, not after what we've been through together… and Cassidy's getting better, do you really want to not see her when she wakes up? Her vital improvement progress has doubled, from four percent to eight, just within the time you were gone from here, hardly even a full day."

She brushed away a tear from her face, and stood up, "I have other patients to attend to, you're stable for now, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. No dying on me girl, I didn't leave you, so you aren't allowed to leave me. I know we've had very different types of attacks, and I don't know exactly what you went through… but if it's not as bad as what I went through you don't get to die on me! In fact, even if it was worse then what I… experienced… you still don't get to die on me! There's no way I'm going to let you die before I repay you for helping me through my attack…."

"Let me guess? You're rolling your eyes right now, and you want to say that I have repaid you by helping you through your mother's death. Well that's bullshit. You helped me through my mother's death before I helped you through yours. Then you helped me through my… my… rape… and now here I am planning on helping you through this. I'm gonna be a bitch if I have to, but there's no way you are going to give up. You have a loving fiancé, and a wonderful group of friends who will all help you. I know you went through hell, but you're stronger then me, and if I can make it back half alive, you can definitely come back better then I did."

Turning she went to the door, as her hand wrapped around the cool metal she spoke again, "By the way, Hayley says 'hi,' she was upset that she didn't get to see you while you were here, so I promised we'd make plans to get together with Aunt Kate. Don't make me a liar, Kate, my girl has been through enough crap of her own, and she doesn't need her own mother lying to her, and she doesn't need her Aunt dead," on that note Kiley prepared herself to be bombarded by the mob outside the room, opened the door and stepped outside.

/ "Hey, guys I'm going to go get hot chocolate while we wait, anyone want something while I'm gone?" Alexis stood up from her chair agitated, and fidgety as she sat there only being able to think about fight she and Kate had had.

She scanned her tear brimmed eyes across everyone's face as they all nodded (or said) 'no,' until she paused to examine the distant look Lanie was giving her, "Lanie, you want something?"

Lanie didn't reply, just kept looking on as if Alexis were invisible, so she tried again, "Lanie? You want some coffee or hot chocolate, or something?"

The ME shook her head, then looked up to Alexis, "What?" She asked groggily, almost as if she'd just woken up.

Alexis chuckled, and let a small smile tug on her lips, "I asked if you wanted something to drink."

"Oh, no, I'm good, thank you."

"Ok, so just me then?" She asked again, and in reply got a bunch of exhausted head bobs, "I'll see you in a bit then."

Turning she made her way to find a drink machine, happy that none of them were able to see the tear slip down her cheek as she went._ This isn't fair, what did any of us do to deserve being treated this way? God… what bitch of karma is casting a spell on the wrong family huh?_ Alexis scrunched her nose, and pursed her lips together angrily (and sadly), as another tear slipped down her cheek, and she chose not to care about her word choice.

Finally coming across a machine after a few minutes she rifled through her purse to find her wallet. Slowly pulling a dollar from her wallet when she found it, Alexis tossed it [her wallet] back into her bag before feeding the bill into the machine. _Yeah, because we totally deserve having Kate taken from us for ten days, and then taken again for who knows how long. Sure, we did something so wrong that karma needs to repay us… big time. _

Scoffing she wiped another wave of tears from her face as she grabbed the cup from the dispenser and put it beneath the hot chocolate button. Pressing the button she bit her lip, frustrated, when nothing came out. Pushing it harder she again didn't have a response so she slammed her palm against it. Nothing poured out. _What is this huh? You have my future stepmother tortured to the point of a miscarriage and the practical insanity of us all… then you take her away again shortly after we get her back, and now you won't even let me have some hot chocolate! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? _She flung her head back and stared at the ceiling for a moment as the tears began spilling swiftly from her eyes, before looking back, slamming her fists a few more times against the machine.

"Come on! I've barely had any sleep, I need my chocolate to keep me awake! You stupid machine!" Jamming her fingers into the button over and over again she sobbed when it refused to give her a break. Her knees gave out and she slid down to the floor in fits of tears and sobs. Collecting herself she curled into a ball her forehead leaning against her knees as she sobbed.

/ _Oh, God, Kate's been through so much… she doesn't need anymore! How much crap do you think she's able to handle? Is this some sort of sick joke? And what's taking Alexis so long? _ Lanie ran a hand through her hair and sighed heavily before asking, "What time is it Javie?"

"Eleven-thirty."

Her eyes widened at the revelation that they had officially been sitting there, without any word of what was wrong, for four and a half hours, "Well damn, maybe I'll go get some coffee after all."

"All right, see you when you return. I'll call if we hear anything," Esposito replied warmly before turning his attention back to his half nap.

Laughing silently at his expression, Lanie stood from her chair and went in the direction Alexis had, "Thanks!" she called over her shoulder, not truly caring if they had heard or not, because she knew they knew she was grateful.

"Hey, could you tell me where the drink dispenser is? For coffee?" Lanie asked a nurse walking toward her.

Pointing to the left the nurse smiled, "Down that way, pass two isles and make a right. Be careful though, there's a young lady, bawling her eyes out the poor thing."

Worry grabbed at her heart as Lanie thanked the nurse and began picking up speed as she followed the instructions she'd received. Turning the corner she stopped to stare, unsure of exactly what to do, at the sobbing red head. Sighing Lanie moved to Alexis and decided just to do what she did best, find out what was wrong and make it better.

Sitting down beside her she gathered her into a hug, "Hey girl, what's eaten at your mind so bad you'd sit here at a drink dispenser and cry?"

"I ca…t te…l y…u," Alexis cried into Lanie's shoulder, and wrapped her arms around the ME.

"Oh…" Lanie set her lips in a straight line before replying, "you can Alexis. I know about what happened. She came to me earlier today, for help."

"What?" Alexis asked, but didn't look at Lanie.

"Kate came to me, or more like my morgue room and I found her sitting on the ground crying, and ended up telling me about her miscarriage. She wanted to know how she could fix things with you, and how she could tell Castle without causing him to lose himself in grief, and anger," Lanie explained.

"Lose himself how?" Alexis pulled from Lanie's hold and gave her an incredulous look, "What do you mean fix things with me?"

"Lexie… mind if I call you Lexie? Anyway, your dad is not himself, at all right now. Sure he's cracking a joke here, trying a joke there, but it's not the same. There was a certain fire that burned within his eyes, a funny little boyish spring in his step when he followed after Kate to work on some wacko case. He loved going into the interrogation room and he'd get some crazy idea, ask a question or two and crack a break in the case. But while Kate was gone, and still now, that burning was gone, he no longer enjoyed doing the things he did with Beckett with Ryan and Esposito. He just wasn't interested in going into an interrogation room with them, probably because he can't tick them off like he could Kate," Lanie laughed lightly and wiped away the few remaining streaks from Alexis's face before continuing.

"Maybe you don't see it because it's a different environment, and he acts different at home then at the precinct, but trust me, he's not the same, and in more ways then you've probably noticed. Kate doesn't want to lose his obnoxious qualities, and stupid games, because that's what she fell in love with. She believes that by telling him, she'll only shatter his heart beyond repair and cause him to stop becoming normal again. Kate wouldn't be able to live with that because she fell hard for the man he was, and will do anything to get that back. Even hurt herself more by not telling anyone when she should."

Lanie shook her head a little before continuing, "She's in a fragile state, and her being alone is not the smartest of ideas. Kate's dealt with victims of assault, and ones who have gone through traumatic events, she should have known better then to have been alone, but who wants to take their fiancé into a car when you're crying about a fight you just had with his daughter about a baby he doesn't know existed. She wanted to see how she could patch your relationship while still holding back on telling Castle because she didn't want to send him spiraling out of control…."

Lanie held Alexis's steadying gaze in a hard thoughtful silence. Smiling softly again a few tears of her own slipped down her cheek before she spoke again, "I should have known better then to allow her to be alone, but I wasn't thinking properly. I knew that Kate had wanted to see Natasha really bad, and that's what she was going to do, so I let her go, thinking it may do her good to talk to the girl."

"She was… she wanted to…?" Alexis gaped for a moment like a fish before a fresh river of tears fell down, "It was my fault she left in the first place! God, I was trying to get her to tell dad, and she ran off… well as best she could…"

"No, don't go pointing fingers at yourself, no one is to blame, or everyone is, not just one person. You did the right thing, she does need to tell your father, but you also don't know exactly what she's going through, so you didn't quite handle it properly, but neither did she, obviously. She's more damaged then she's letting on, I bet you she hasn't even told me everything yet. I'm guessing that whatever happened tonight wasn't an attack, but a PTSD episode, and she had no one there to calm her down."

"She wanted to make things better? With me?" Alexis sniffed and wiped her eyes looking wondrously at the young ME.

Pulling Alexis back into a hug Lanie chuckled "Kate was afraid of becoming the evil stepmother. She cares for you and doesn't want to lose the friendship she's created with you. Our girl is a hard girl to get close to, she's been through so much it's become habit to shut people out, even if she doesn't mean to all the time. You were different, she can trust you, and she enjoys spending time with you, she doesn't want to lose that. But she's heartbroken, because she doesn't know how to fix your relationship without telling Castle, but she doesn't want to tell him yet because she doesn't want to lose him. It's a vicious circle and she doesn't know a way out."

"I don't want to lose her either…" Alexis mumbled into Lanie's chest.

"I know sweetie, and we're going to make sure that doesn't happen. I promise that everything is going to work out in the end. I promise that no one will be losing anyone any time soon." Standing up Lanie dragged the red head to her feet, "Now, let's go back and see if the guys have learned anything new…"


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Yay, got the 25th chapter up! :D Whoopie! All right, have fun reading this, I really hope you all enjoy it. :)  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! Please! I love hearing what all my fans have to say, it helps me power through and write more. :D  
**

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Ch. 25

Trauma PatientA/N: Yay, got the 25th chapter up! :D Whoopie! All right, have fun reading this, I really hope you all enjoy it. :)  
REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! Please! I love hearing what all my fans have to say, it helps me power through and write more. :D Kate smiled happily as she marveled in the glorious light shining about her. Closing her eyes she sucked in a slow deep breath and laughed joyously. Spinning in a circle she put her arms out palms up to the sky, and threw her head back enjoying the cool, yet warm, feeling that flooded her body. Stopping she looked down at her feet and grinned at the beautiful Pointe shoes she was wearing. She hadn't even told Lanie that she used to do ballet, but she'd always loved it, and still went to her old studio if she had time. Doing a slow Pas de bourrée dessus en tournant she laughed excitedly before beginning to dance her heart out like she loved to do when she her mother was still alive.

_ Jeté battu dessus, échappé sauté, petit jeté dessus… free, dancing, doing what she loved…. Fouetté rond de jambe en tournant, double cabriole, pas de chat, plié, relevé, royale__, __chaînés, brisé volé, Grande pirouette à la seconde…. _

_Stopping Kate smiled and laughed again, squinting happily against the brightening light surrounding her. Grabbing her sides tiredly she split down to the floor, surprised she could still go all the way down since she hadn't stretched out in the longest time. Closing her eyes she rested her head against her knee, relaxing in the wonderful calmness that fluttered throughout her soul._

_ "May I help you?" She heard a familiar Irish accented male voice ask._

_ Opening her eyes she found herself sinking into the gold sprinkled green eyes of her dance partner. Unable to believe that he was really there she breathed out uncertain words, "Excuse me?"_

_ "It looks to me like you need a partner," He flashed a soft smile and put out his hand, "Care to dance Kat?"_

_ She smiled at the use of the nickname he'd always called her. When the first met around the age of four she told him her name and immediately he had said Kat. He'd called her that every day up until the accident that took him away from her. He'd died in a car crash, he was found crushed by the dashboard. The last thing he'd ever said to her was 'I love you,' and after he died she began to stop dancing. Kate couldn't find a partner like him, and it always felt wrong to her, almost as if she was cheating on him. Then her mother was taken away and she stopped going for good._

_ Taking a hold of his hand a small tear slipped down her cheek, "I would love to dance Tyrone."_

_ Standing up they took their positions and he counted them off before they began to move. Freedom, their freedom… their smoothness, perfect timing, flowing, gentleness, swift, slow, and simple freedom. Dancing, heavenly dancing, sweet and familiar. They fell into a quick rhythm, their rhythm from when they danced together all those years ago. Smooth and gentle they performed, closing out the world like they did during competitions, simple togetherness, alone together, dancing. Turning, spinning, leaping, flying… Kate could see a crowd gathering about them aw etched into their faces at the glorious sight before them. She and Tyrone had never gotten anything less then first place, they were just so wonderful together, they fit, they matched, the two of them were synced so well people couldn't believe their eyes, just like the ones gathering about them._

_ As they finished, breathless and overjoyed, a warm applause broke out through the crowd. Taking each other's hand Kate and Tyrone took their bow and the audience only became louder. Smiling happily Kate found herself locked into a giant hug from Tyrone as he whispered in her ear, "Come, I know someone that would love to watch us perform," He grasped Kate's hand tighter and began to pull her through the mass of bodies almost as if he were in a rush._

_ Laughing Kate squeezed his hand lovingly as she spoke, "All right, don't be in such a hurry Ty, I would love to dance for someone else, but let me catch my breath first."_

_"Oh, here..." Tyrone turned swiftly and pressed his lips to hers, molding his against her own. She melted, remembering the day he gave her her first, she'd been so in love with him... he pulled away slowly and Kate found herself no longer tired or out of breath. She gaped at him and he smiled before continuing to tug her behind him. Puzzled but excited she trailed him, picking up speed wanting to find out where they were headed. _

_ Kate gasped when they came upon a large white fenced gate that stretched towards the end of the sky. Straining her eyes she tried to see the top but couldn't find where the gate ended. Her attention was pulled from the gate when Tyrone spoke, "Welcome to the pearly gates. Come, Gabriel will let us in, in a moment. We must be ready because the gate's aren't open for very long."_

_ Kate nodded and stepped to his side, ready to bolt, when a hand grasped her shoulder... Turning her knees grew weak when she saw who was standing there, "Mom?"_

_ "Sweetie, what are you doing? This is not your time to go. You are supposed to be happy with Richard, and his family. Kate you're supposed to be having a wonderful time with your new family. If you step past the pearly gates you'll never get to return sweetheart. Don't give up, I know you've been through a lot lately, but Richard, and Alexis need you. Dad needs you, Montgomery, Lanie, Esposito, Ryan… they all love you, and you're here about to, well basically, kill yourself. I know how you feel about Tyrone, but you need to let that go and return to earth baby. I love getting to watch my baby grow up, maybe not the way either of us wanted, but don't take it away from me. If you die then I won't get to watch you create a family. You've waited so long, and now the chance is here. Take it, go back where you belong. Take that chance and make people happy. Don't make the wrong choice, don't end your life here because of your love for dance, go back and show people what you can do, show them how good you are, tell them."_

_ "Mom? What do you mean? What's going on?"_

_ Johanna took her daughter's hand in her own and smiled, "Honey, this is the entrance to heaven. You are close to death because you've had an accident, and your unconsciousness is choosing that death will the better option after what you've gone through. You are choosing the stupid way out because you're telling yourself that you've been through enough, and that this is the only option. Don't think like that, you are the strongest person I know, even before I died Kate, you were so determined."_

_ "Mom, I'm going to go dance with Ty, I'm not going to die. I'll be back when we're through," she sounded childish, frustrated, and confused as her mom pursed her lips in a sad smile and pulled her into a hug._

_ "No, sweetie, you won't be back. Tyrone wants you to dance before God. You won't be back if you pass the gates. Now go home, run away from the light into the darkness on the other side. Wish to return to be with your family, don't enter the gates, not yet, this isn't your time."_

_ Pulling away from her mother Kate had tears in her eyes while she asked, "Mom, who did this to us? Who killed you?"_

_ Johanna shook her head before wiping away Kate's tears, "You aren't ready to know that yet. Kate, you need to be able to deal with knowing who killed me, and you aren't ready yet. You'll be ready when you find out for yourself."_

_ "What do you mean I'm not ready? I've been ready since the day it happened!"_

_ "No, sweetie, you haven't been. You still aren't ready. You'll be ready when you find the killer on your own. Now go, run into the darkness and return to Richard, he's a wonderful man who needs you," wrapping her daughter in a tight hug Johanna whispered into Kate's ear, "I love you with all my heart, don't ever forget that," before letting go and walking away._

_ "I love you too mom," Kate whispered before turning back to Tyrone, who had been silently standing by, observing the scene she'd just had with her mother, "Ty? Is it true? You want me dead?"_

_ He stepped to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, "I want you, I want to dance, I want to feel alive… but I also want you happy, and if that means I have to wait longer to dance with you again, then I'll wait, because I love you."_

_ Resting her head against his chest another tear slipped down her face and the lights around her began to dim as she spoke, "I love you too Ty… but I love Castle s-" Her words were cut off as Tyrone pressed his lips to hers tenderly. Tracing her bottom lip with his tongue he deepened the kiss when she parted her lips, and they played tag until the need for oxygen became too great. _

_ Breaking away Tyrone pointed towards the way they had come, "Now go, run as fast as you can and don't look back! Run and find the darkness you so desire, it'll get you back to Castle. I'll be waiting, I'll wait for our next dance Kate, always will…" He gave her one last loving glance before turning and walking to the gates. He called up to the endlessness of it and stepped inside when the gates parted slowly, like her lips had, and disappeared when they closed behind him._

_ Sucking in a breath Kate ran, faster then she had imagined she could, in the direction he had pointed in, she ran and ran, not daring to look back for fear of stopping and never returning to her life. Her Pointe shoes turned into heels, her jeans into a hospital gown, and her hair became a mass of knots. The bright world became dark and her breathing heavy and labored. Her eyes stung with tears, her leg and head pounded in pain. It hurt to swallow but she didn't stop, couldn't stop, didn't want to stop, running faster, more pain overcame her until she collapsed onto the ground unable to go further. Crawling now she continued into the black before her, moved slowly and painfully against the now no longer smooth ground. A sharp pang shot through her chest into her head and she felt her breath catch before her eyes fluttered closed…_

And opened to be looking at a white ceiling. The pain in her head and leg continued and she screamed in agony.

/ Standing swiftly when the door opened Castle quickly bombarded the doctor with questions, unable to contain his worry, "How is she? Can I see her? Is she awake? Do you know what happened? What new damaged has been caused? Is her leg ok? Is she going to be able to walk still-"

Dr. Anderson cut her off with a hallow chuckle, "Hold on Mr. Castle. Take a breath please, and sit down. She's stable, and yes she'll be able to still walk. Luckily the stitches didn't pull enough to really inflict any extra damage. Her back has been cleansed and wrapped, but there will be scars, possibly worse then they would have been before she reopened the wounds. She's acquired a small hairline fracture to the back of her skull, and most likely will have a very minor concussion when she wakes up…"

"When she wakes up? Let me guess you wanted to say 'if' she wakes up?" He slumped down into one of the chairs and buried his face in his hands.

"Castle, Beckett's a tough woman, she's going to get through this, take a breath and just listen to her all right bro," Esposito sat next to his friend and clapped his hand against Richard's back.

"Mr. Castle, there is a chance she won't wake up, she could go into a coma from shock and blood loss. It's not likely, but it's almost like Cassidy's case, she could die simply by giving up. She's been through so much, and it may be too much for her."

Ryan had shock plastered to his face as he spoke "Oh God, first she los-"

"Hey, hold on, did I just hear that my girl may go into a coma?" Lanie interrupted Ryan as she came up with Alexis.

"There is a chance yes, it's small, but we can't deny it. Kate is a trauma patient. I know she's strong, God if anyone knows how strong she is it's me, I've known her since the second grade, but we need to treat her like the trauma patient she is. If she gets through this stepping stone, if she gets to the next step in this process she'll be fine, but it's this first step that's the hardest."

"Have you ever been through a trauma? Huh? Have you! Do you understand what it's like?" Castle looked up and screamed, losing his control on his humanity.

Running to him Alexis wrapped her arms around him, "Daddy, it's ok, Kate is strong, did you hear her? Kate is strong enough, and with all of us here she will make it past this first step, we will help her get through this. You don't need to badger Kate's doctor and friend about her personal life, you're angry, you don't need to be angry." Alexis had tears pouring down her cheeks as she looked up at Kiley, "I'm sorry, he just loses control sometimes, and asks stupid questions."

Kiley shook her head and handed Alexis a handkerchief, "It's ok Alexis, he deserves to know that I'm not just saying what any doctor would say. Yes Richard, not only have a helped Katherine through her own traumatic events of her past, but I've dealt with plenty of my own. My mother died of cancer a year before Kate's mom was murdered, and… a few years after that… I was…" Dr. Anderson rubbed her eyes swiftly before stuffing her hands into her pockets and turning around, "I was raped, I've been through trauma, and Kate helped me past that first step. So yes, I know first hand what it's like."

Castle looked at her with sorrow in his eyes, "Oh, God, I'm sorry, I was… I didn't… she… I thought…"

"Don't apologize, that's the one thing I hate about telling people. Please, I told you because you asked, I didn't tell you to get sympathy, I get enough of it from other people I don't need it from my best friend's fiancé."

Before anyone could answer in the short silence that followed, a scream broke out from the room. Jumping out of the way Alexis watched her father rush into the room behind Anderson. Standing to join them Lanie blocked her way and grabbed hold of Esposito and Ryan, "Hold on, give them space for a minute. It's a crowded room and she needs to be able to work fast, not work around us," she closed the door and motioned for everyone to back off a bit.

Exhaling slowing Esposito put his hands behind his head and turned in a slow circle, "God, what Beckett must have gone through. She broke down at the precinct and left, and I didn't follow her…"

Ryan placed his hands on his hips and leaned against the wall, "After what she said we should have run after her, made sure she was ok. That she was ok to drive after opening that wound like that. Man were we stupid…"

Shaking her head Lanie gave the boys a confused look, "Wait a minute, are you saying you two know?"

"Know what?" Esposito asked.

Alexis looked at Lanie, "You don't think they know do you? How would they know?"

"Did she tell you? You said she broke down, does that mean she said what I think she said? There's no way you'd be acting this way if she hadn't told you."

Ryan returned Lanie's funny look and pointed at her, "Wait you know? When did she tell you?"

"Before she went to talk to Natasha, she was crying in my morgue room."

"No way, she was there when I wanted to… well thank God we didn't then…" Esposito joined in.

"So four of us know but she won't tell my dad?" Alexis asked bewildered.

"Oh my God, Castle doesn't know? Phew, thank God you interrupted me Lanie, or we all would have been screwed," Ryan ran his hand through his short hair and moved to sit in a chair.

Joining his partner in a seat Esposito slouched down and threw his hand up in a frustrated motion, "We are talking about the same thing right? We are talking about Beckett's miscarriage?"

Shock spreading across her face Alexis started crying as said, "Oh my God, you do know…" before running off.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: EEK! I tried so hard to get this up sooner... but with school coming close to an end I have had less time because they are cramming us with the last things we need to do. I mean I have 2 essays and a five minute oral report both due next Tuesday and I only got them yesterday! It's crazy! I've been so busy with school... and it makes me sad that I haven't had time to get to you after the cliff hanger... :(**  
**Well... I'll tell you now that I'll leave you off with another one... or two... and I'll also make you possibly insanely confused... but then I'll un-confuse you next chapter. :D**

**Well enjoy. :D**

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Ch. 26

I'm here

"Kate, what's the matter? What hurts, tell me what's wrong," Dr. Anderson asked seriously as she flipped and fiddled with the switches and wires attached to her patient.

Snapping her mouth shut Kate looked at the two familiar faces in the room, breathing heavily, fear etched into her face, before she sighed, a sob breaking from her throat, "Oh, God... I had thought... I thought I'd... I thought..."

"Hey it's ok, you're safe. This is the hospital, and you're ok," Castle soothed as he sat down beside her and took a hold of her hand bringing it to his lips comfortingly.

"Oh, thank God... I thought that something was horribly wrong, and we screwed up the stitches, or missed something during the check," Kiley sighed and sat down next to Castle, "But, are you sure, nothing hurts, or is bothering you that you are in anyway concerned about? Any pain at all in fact? I need to keep a close monitor of how you're feeling, and how you heal this round."

"No, nothing really, my head hurts though, and my leg feels like it on fire," Kate smiled and tugged Castle closer to her, kissing him gently.

"I thought I was going to lose you Katie. What happened," he asked, concern pouring from his mouth like melted butter.

She let him sit back, but didn't release his hand and spoke as she pressed the button to move the bed into a more comfortable sitting position. Stalling a little she shifted around careful of her leg, and grimaced. Clenching her teeth she squeezed Castle's hand as a pain shot through her abdomen and down her leg.

"You ok? What's wrong?" Kiley jumped up, hovering protectively over her patient and friend, ready for anything.

Kate smiled through the pain that was overwhelming her and replied, "Just jostled my leg a bit, nothing to bad. Sit down, sit down before you blow a gasket."

"You promise you're ok? I don't need to do anything. You're fine, that's all it was?"

Laughing painfully she pinched her eyebrows together to hide her pain. Noticing the funny look Castle was shooting her way she squeezed his hand again, "I'm fine, I just jostled my leg a bit don't worry about it."

Castle's look turned to uncertain then back to concerned as he asked sincerely, "What happened sweetheart? Were you attacked by someone? By yourself? Was it a PTSD episode or something?"

The pain in her abdomen was killing her as she tried to concentrate and think back to the last thing she remembered doing... as she racked her brain small little black dots began to blur her vision and she shook her head, trying to find him an answer, "I don't... I can't re-"

Castle found Kate's hand slipping from his hand as her body grew limp and collapsed the small distance between her and the hospital bed, "Kate? Kate? What happened! Dr. Anderson what the hell happened?" He shouted, standing swiftly, knocking over the chair in the process.

"I don't know!" Kiley replied whipping out her phone and paging her boss as she pressed the button on the wall to call in the nurse. Throwing back the blanket she spotted dark purple spots showing through the white and faded blue colors of the hospital gown. "Shit! Mr. Castle I need you to get out."

"What the hell is wrong?" He shouted as she grabbed hold of his arm and began to push him out the door.

"I don't know! You need to leave. Go grab something to eat, I bet you must be hungry," she replied as she shoved passed him and bellowed professionally down the hall, "Get me emergency crew and a surgeon from all department stat! Female patient, multiple wounds of all sorts! Quickly people let's move, I have no idea what's going on! Get me portable X-ray and ultrasound room one thirty! Mr. Castle get out of my way!"

Kiley pushed by him again and closed the door, leaving Richard scared and alone because Lanie, Javier, Kevin, and Alexis weren't anywhere nearby.

/ "Alexis? Where are you?" Lanie called out as loud as she dared while walking through the halls of the hospital. Picking up speed a little she caught a nurses arm as she walked out of a room, "Hi, sorry, but have you seen a redheaded girl, a little taller then me walk, or run by here? I've seem to have lost her…"

"No I'm sorry, but I'll keep a look out for her."

"Thanks, tell her to return to the guys if you see her before me. She'll understand."

"Sure thing."

Lanie smiled before continuing on her way, willing Alexis to just pop up out of nowhere, "Where are you girl?"

Spotting Esposito at the end of the hall she sighed the he didn't have the looks of a man who found the lost. He noticed her walking towards him and stopped, waiting for her to catch up, "I'm guess you haven't found her either?"

"No, not yet. God, I don't have a clue of to where she could be," Lanie excepted the warm embrace Esposito offered and breathed in his masculine sent.

"I just don't understand why she ran off…"

"Well, that I can explain, she had a huge fight with Kate earlier, before she came down to the precinct, about how she didn't like that Kate wasn't telling Castle, and how she should tell him. Kate kinda blew up at her and stormed off, saying that no one needed to know, and she wasn't going to tell Castle until she felt it was the right time. Well, obviously Alexis's is broken because we all know but Castle, the one who should know, doesn't."

"Wow, that's messed."

"Yeah, but Kate's been through a lot, and has valid reasons for not wanting to tell him yet, and Alexis has totally valid reason for being angry and running off."

"Gosh, they've been through so much lately, it's amazing that Castle's still holding himself together this well…"

"Yeah, and they need us for support even if they're sick of it," Lanie agreed snuggling closer to Esposito's chest.

"You got that right baby, that's why we need to find Alexis."

Before Parish could reply Esposito's phone began to ring and she shifted away from him so he could answer it, "Esposito."

_"Esposito, it's Montgomery, there's been a call from the hospital that there's a disturbance on the Emergency floor. Some man is making a huge commotion about something, and the security guards aren't able to take him out, nor are the nurses getting any good chances to sedate him. Room one thirty, go fix it, I know you're on that floor. You may need Ryan's backup cause this guy seems to be heatin' up a storm down there."_

"Yes captain," Javier replied sternly before hanging up and taking off at a run, "I guess I spoke too soon! Castle snapped and is causing mayhem. We're needed there, call Ryan and pray that he's found Alexis."

"Oh geez…" Lanie exclaimed before chasing after him.

Upon reaching the room a large crowd had gathered and all either of the two could see or hear was the pounds of Castle hitting something, the backs of people's heads, and people shouting, "Damit!" Javier cursed before he began ramming through the people, not really caring about what exactly he was doing, just needing to get to his friend and get him to stop.

"Let me see her! Let me go with her! She needs me!"

Lanie heard Castle scream as she followed Esposito through the gathering, "Excuse us, police coming through! There's nothing to see here, go on back to your business and loved ones, we are here to handle this!" She shouted to the people around her, trying to make the noise and numbers die down.

Finally reaching the middle Lanie gasped at the sight before her. Holes lined the walls all up and down, Castle's hands were bloody and torn, his hair was in a funny array sticking all over the place like it had been gelled up, his eyes were wild, and his teeth were barred as he took a swing at the guard reaching for his arm. The security guards trying to pin Castle down looked even more disheveled then the writer himself did, their uniforms were ripped, one had a bloody nose, and the other had a black eye forming.

"Castle! Stop it! God damit! Knock it off!" Esposito grabbed Castle from behind knocking him into the floor with as much force as he could. Struggling profusely with the larger man he cursed when Castle's head connected with his chin.

Lanie grimaced and turned away, addressing the audience and beaten guards, "You can all leave now, we've got it under control! All damage will be paid for by a mister Richard Castle. He's going through a lot right now and doesn't need people gawking at him in his time of need! Instead he needs ya'll to back away and go back to yo' business!" She stared them all down with lasers, threatening them to try their luck by staying. Slowly, but faster then expected, the crowd dispersed leaving Esposito still barely holding Castle on the ground, and Lanie standing above them looking for any sign of Ryan or Alexis.

Taking out her phone she dialed in the other detective's number and stepped away from the men to ensure the third could hear her when he picked up.

"Castle knock it off and calm down! Don't make me take you down the precinct and stick you with Charlie!" Esposito said through clenched teeth as he took a jab to the chest from Castle's elbow.

"Let me go Javier! Katherine needs me and they won't let me see her! They took her away! They took her away and they won't let me see her!"

"Well no shit Sherlock, you think that they are going to let you anywhere near her when you're like this!" Javier shouted, slamming Richard's head down as the writer tried to hit him again.

"She needs me! She needs me! I wasn't there when she needed me, and now they won't let me be there for her when she needs me now!"

"Charlie's been pretty ugly lately… those withdrawal symptoms sure aren't easy to handle, don't think I won't stand to my word…" Javier grunted as Castle smashed him into a chair.

"Katie needs me! Let me go!"

"Not until you calm down!"

"Let me go! Let me go see Katie! Katie needs me! I've already let her down once I can't do it again!"

"Dad? What's wrong? Lanie? Esposito?" Alexis asked confused at the sight before her. Her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks flushed, and tears still brimmed the corners of her eyes.

"Lexie? Baby? What's the matter?" The wildness in Castle's eyes disappeared at the sight of his daughter and he stopped struggling beneath Esposito's hold.

"Nothing's the matter with me, I'm just a little worn out and worried… what did you do Dad? Please don't tell me that you caused the holes in the wall?" The tears started to spill over her sad eyes and she fell to the floor crying, "I left for moment to catch my breath and use the restroom… and you break down. Daddy, you promised you'd never do this again! You promised you'd hold your temper! I shouldn't have left, I should have stayed to make sure you were ok, I just needed a moment away and that's the moment that you needed me! You promised you'd stay in control of your anger!" Her body shook with the sobs racking through her.

"Get off of me," Castle grunted and shoved Esposito off of him rushing to Alexis's aid. Sitting down next to her he gathered her into his lap and pressed her cheek to his chest. Resting his chin on her head he rocked her back and forth gently, "It's ok, it's ok. I'm ok now, I'll make sure it gets fixed. I'll return things to normal. I'll make things better. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, pumpkin… don't cry, it's ok, everything's going to be fine."

"You promised me Dad, you promised me. No more, you said, it's all over, you said…"

"It is, I'm done, I'll fix the damage. Everything is ok, I won't do it again, I'll be strong, for you, and for Katie. No more, I promise. It's all over, it ended then and won't start again. I'm sorry, I'm here, don't you cry," Castle had tears stinging his eyes and he continued to hold his daughter close, protectively to his body.

"Please, I don't want to lose you. You promised it wouldn't happen again, don't let it happen again! You are going to make everything right… right Dad? You'll pay for the walls to be fixed, and you'll pay for any other damage that you caused. Then you'll pay more for any disturbances you caused anyone. You promised it wouldn't happen again! You said you wouldn't lose your temper! You said that you'd be strong, so be strong! For me… for Kate, for Grams, for yourself. No more, you promise, don't start now, not now, not when you've done so well… you promise?"

"I promise pumpkin, and I won't break it. I won't ever break it ever again."


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: OK… I have redone this chapter… so now it's different. So yea… **

**Oh, and there are some POV changes that will happen sometimes from paragraph to paragraph… like 1st it's Castle, then it's Alexis… just so you know now… it's not marked in the story… if it's confusing let me know and I'll mark it… but since it's like 1 paragraph then another… it's almost pointless… unless you want me to mark the POV changes.**

* * *

Ch. 27

Broken Past

_Castle sighed as he downed his twenty-ninth shot of tequila. Raising his glass he called out, "Bar tender!" Slamming the glass back onto the table he ran a hand through his hair and sighed again._

_ "Rick, what's the matter? Usually you never drink more then ten shots, and this… is your thirtieth, and my twentieth time asking you what's wrong."_

_ Castle sighed, again, and gave the bar tender a cruel stare before opening his mouth to speak, "My wi… Meredith was having an affair, she is having an affair. She was she is… what does it matter… she was screwing someone else… in my house, my bed, on my couch… all while I would be gone off on a tour, or book signing gig… and while Lexie was home… but I guess Meredith is so good at screwing and sneaking around that Lexie never knew that someone was even coming home with her mom…" Richard picked the glass up and put it to his lips, rocking his head backwards, only to be shocked that no liquid slid down his throat, "I told you to fill it up, so fill it up!" He grumbled at the bar tender._

_ "No Rick, you've had enough. Go home, and sleep it off."_

_ "Where? In the bed she used to have sex with another man? Or the couch she used for the same reason?"_

_ "If you don't want to sleep on the bed or the couch, then sleep on the floor, and if you don't want to sleep on the floor in the living room then sleep on the floor in your daughter's room, but wherever it is you aren't going to get another drink tonight, understood?"_

_ "You know what? This place shouldn't be called the Haunt… it should be called Weep and Taunt."_

_ "Nice to know, I'll run it by the manager just for you. Now go, you've got a long taxi ride home… why you come out this far I don't know, but now you have to go back," the bar tender said before turning to another customer._

_ Castle scowled and stood up from the barstool, almost falling in the process. Grumbling at his mistreatment he staggered out the door and hailed a taxi. As he rode home he couldn't help but find interest in a sign that said penthouse for sale._

* * *

_ Slamming his front door open, Castle snarled drunkenly, anger coursing through his veins. Sweeping his eyes through the foyer he began his stomp through, brushing anything and everything that belonged to Meredith off the shelves and onto the hardwood floor._

_**Crash!**_

_ He smiled giddily, the alcohol continuing to settle into his system, watching everything fall to their doom… like Meredith had dropped him, he thought to himself as he picked up a picture frame with a photo from their wedding. Growling he threw the frame into the glass coffee table he had gotten for his wife as a present. He marveled in the way the glass cracked into a million pieces, but didn't shatter all the way, leaving a spider web like design in the glass. Grabbing an elephant sculpture he'd gotten for Meredith on a trip to Taiwan he finished the job and basked in the sound of shattering glass. _

_ He continued to knock things to the floor as he made his way up the stairs to his daughter's room, she was standing in her doorway with a scared look in her eyes, "Lexie… go wait… out… in th… the car."_

_ "Where are we going? What's wrong? Daddy, where are we going?"_

_ "Somewhere away from here… we're getting… away from… here, I'll ge…gett you…r things for… you, jussss… go wait… in the car."_

_ "Does mommy know?"_

_ Sighing he grabbed Lexie's backpack and handed it to her, then he began to gather everything he knew Lexie loved with all her heart. Her stuffed animals, her books, her silk sheets… "We are going… away from here… Lex…ie, and she's no…t coming with us…. Now… go wa…it in th… the car."_

_ She nodded, grabbed her teddy bear from her bedside table, picked up a book, and slung her backpack over her shoulder as her dad tore through her room pulling things from shelves and placing them on her bed. As she got to the staircase she turned around, horrified as she watched him slam his fist multiple times through the wall, leaving massive holes behind. Alexis could feel the tears pricking the corners of her eyes… she was scared… she didn't know what was going on… and she'd never seen her father like this. Rushing down the stairs she bolted out the door and into the car… she didn't know what was going on… but she didn't want to make it worse, and one way she knew how not to was by following what her father told her to do…. Just like with dealing with the bullies at school, stay out of their way._

_ Everything he could think of, he bagged them and then began to carry the bags to his car, "Daddy... why are you so angry?"_

_ "Because… your mom… did a bad thi…ing… a very… baaaad thing… an'n ru…in'd our… marriage…. She ruined thisssss fam-mily…." Castle could feel the alcohol seriously beginning to set roots in his system and his head began to fuzz over a little, leaving him light headed… but he couldn't let it bother him… he had work to get done and a house to get away from._

_ He could see news vans hidden behind other vehicles, and cameras hidden behind bushes… they must have been called by one of his neighbors… but he didn't care… he knew there was no way he could hide… all he wanted was to get out of there, and that meant making sure his daughter had her things. He could buy himself something new and could care less… but Lexie… she would know it was different, and he didn't want her to hate him. He pulled out some suitcases and stuffed them full with all of her clothes, he emptied out her room in recorded time, leaving some things behind… but if she so desperately wanted them he could have a friend come back to get what she wanted. _

_ Next he went to his room where he gathered together his best suits, all his writing, his laptop, he boxed up the desk computer, and sighed when he looked at the TV…_ I'll just have some movers come and get it later… _before moving to the bathroom and retrieving the necessities. After he'd gotten everything he thought the two of them would need he stuffed the rest into the car… surprised that everything fit… not surprised that he could barely see out of the back… not like it mattered, they would only need to spend one night in a hotel before the finalization of his buying the penthouse was complete, then they'd have a whole new place… just for the two of them. The two of them, daughter and father, far away from that whore… from the bitch who destroyed everything, the two of them together, forgetting the woman who ruined everything. His lips curled into a happy snarl at the thought, he was getting away from her and taking everything with him._

_ Smiling drunkenly he went back inside one last time. Grabbing a piece of paper he scrawled out in his best writing considering that he couldn't see straight, 'Karma's a bitch… but you're just a whore…. I'm filing for custody of Lexie, and there's no way I'm not going to win…. Did you really think you could keep it a secret? RC.' Going back up to the bedroom he pulled some of her clothes and jewelry from the closet and drawers, then picked up the paper, some tape, and a box of matches. _

_ Exiting his house he threw Meredith's belongings into the grass before he taped the sign to the door. Then he picked up some rocks from Meredith's 'precious' garden and arranged them in a circle around the clothing and jewelry. He found himself insanely excited as he struck a match and dropped it onto the pile watching as it slowly began to catch fire. He struck another match… then another... and another… before he finally threw the whole box into a growing fire, and smiled. Then he staggered slightly as he got into his car and drove off... leaving the reporters to watch the small bonfire burn…_ I'll call nine-one-one later... after it burns for a while…

* * *

_"Mr. Castle, so nice to see you," Mrs. Griffiths smiled as she opened the front door, "the girls are just finishing up breakfast, come on in."_

_ "Thank you," he replied as he stepped into the house, wincing slightly at the bright lights, wishing he could get rid of the sick hangover that was his present from drinking too much… but he wasn't upset with the choices he'd made, and after he'd called in the anonymous tip to the press about Meredith's affair he felt even happier… cause now the press had more to chew on, and more to use to expose the bitchy whore he used to call his wife. He had watched the news all night, glad that so far, nothing had come up about what he had done. He'd gone to his lawyer and filed for divorce and full custody of his daughter, as well as told him what he'd done._

_ Castle was pulled from his thoughts as he saw Lexie running down the hall, a huge smile plastered to her face, "Daddy!" She called out as she jumped into his arms, making him wince again… everything was so loud… so painful…._

_ "Hey Lexie, ready to go?"_

_ She nodded as he set her back on the ground, "Almost, need my bag," her eyes were dancing with happiness… making his head spin and pound harder then it already was._

_ "Good, go get it, I have something to show you," she nodded and bounced back in the direction she had come from, a mass of joyous squeals sounding, causing him to groan at the intensifying pounding._

_ "I'm sorry."_

_ "Huh?" He asked._

_ "I'm sorry about your wife, if it's true," Mrs. Griffiths set her lips in a straight line, "it was all over the news, that your wife is having an affair."_

_ He nodded, then regretted his choice of movement, the pounding ever still increasing, "It's true… and there's no doubt there'll be more about it as the days go on. Thanks for letting her stay over."_

_ "No problem, happy to help, she's always a joy to have over."_

_ Castle smiled as Alexis ran back out, "I'm all ready now."_

_ "Then let's go, I have something to show you."_

* * *

_"Please Kitten, it was just one time. It won't happen again. Forgive me please?" Meredith pleaded as Castle turned around and walked away from her, "Please, I won't ever do it again. You know, I'll let you sleep with someone else. Would that make up for it?"_

_ Castle spun around swiftly and grabbed the nearest object to him, launching it full force at her head, "Get out of my house!" He yelled so loud some of the walls shook, and no one could hear the scream that came from Meredith's mouth as she barely missed getting hit with the projectile._

_ "It's my house too, and I said it was only once and I won't do it ever again," her voice was a whisper, her body pulled in tightly on the ground, cowering from the anger before her, something she had never seen in her husband before._

_ It only made Castle angrier that she wouldn't even tell the truth, "It wasn't only once!" She looked up at him in shock and he scoffed as he continued, "Yeah, think I didn't know? Think that your little affair went unnoticed? Huh! Did you? Well you were very wrong! Matuas came by about a month ago and told me he saw you kissing another man! I told him he was a liar! I told him that you would never do that!"_

_ His eyes were full of fiery rage, but behind it he was holding back the hurt he felt from it as well. He didn't want her to use it against him, couldn't stand her weaseling back into his life after everything she'd done to ruin their marriage. It hurt, and it hurt a lot, it hurt too much to even think about staying with her in fear that she wouldn't keep her word because she couldn't even tell him the whole truth right now, "And this…" he pointed to the new penthouse around him, "is most definitely _not_ your house! Now get out! Get out of my house you lying, thieving, whore!"_

_ Tearing open the door Castle slammed it against the wall and pointed outside into the hall, screaming louder then he ever screamed before, "Get… the… hell… out… of… this... house!" He stalked away towards the kitchen, anger pounding through his blood with each beat his heart took, leaving her to go and never return._

_ "We can fix this, we can make it better," she replied sweetly._

_ Turning around Castle had an unnaturally cool aura and spoke, "How can we fix anything if you ruined our marriage and can't even be truthful about that. You can't even tell me the truth that it was more then once, how can we fix anything? Now get out of my house. You will never belong here."_

_ She opened her mouth to speak but snapped it back shut and walked solemnly from the house with her head down. Watching her go with glazed eyes Castle headed to the kitchen when the door closed and reached into his newly stocked liquor cabinet. Finding a bottle of Irish whiskey he untwisted the cap and jerked his head back, allowing the liquid to burn its way down his throat._

_ Swallowing down the last bit he shook the bottle, wanting more to appear before him. Cursing he chucked the bottle across the room and listened to it shatter as he grabbed a bottle of tequila and down it faster then he had the whiskey. Finishing it up he smashed the bottle on the floor and grabbed several more random bottles from the cabinet and slid to the floor. Knocking back a choice bottle of vodka to join the other two drinks he sighed deeply, and satisfactorily, as he felt the sadness begin to slowly melt away and fuzziness take its place._

* * *

_Alexis peeked around the corner of the stairs, tears pouring down her cheeks as she watched her father chuck a glass bottle at the wall, before collapsing onto the new couch. She'd been stuck in her room for almost a week, afraid to go downstairs for fear of being caught in the cross fires of whatever anger her dad was going through. Every once in a while she would catch him while he was asleep, and she'd run down to get food from the kitchen, thankful that he always kept it well stocked, even though they had just moved in, and he hadn't gone out since then._

_ She frowned, wishing they could move back, she wanted to be in her old house… it was strange living here… and so fast… one day her dad came home, packed a whole bunch of things in the car and he dropped her off at a friend's. Then the next day they're living in a new house… she has a new room, a new bed, different shelves, a new life…. Alexis didn't like it, all she wanted was to go home._

Grams can fix him…. Gramma can make him better… she has to. _Alexis thought, the tears slowing their fall down her cheeks. Standing from her crouching position she scurried her way silently into her father's bedroom and grabbed the phone, dialing in her grandmother's number, hoping her Grandmother would pick up._

_ "Hello? Martha Rodgers speaking," A familiar voice answered and Alexis sighed in relief._

_ "Gramma, it's Alexis. I wan- need you, Daddy needs you," Her voice cracked, and a small sob escaped her lips._

_ Concern came spilling from her Grandmother's mouth on the other line as Martha spoke, "Lexie, darling, what's the matter?"_

_ "Daddy's angry… he's drinking stuff from bottles, and throwing things and hitting the walls… we don't even live at home anymore… he said it had something to do with mommy… and a while ago she was here, and he was yelling at her to get out," the words rushed from her mouth, and before her grandmother could reply, she was sobbing hysterically, "Gramma… I… I'm… sc… scared! He's… nn…not Dad…daddy anymore!"_

_ "Shhh…. Alexis, sweetheart, it's ok, I'm going to find a way to make things better. Can you tell me where you live now?"_

_ Alexis thought for minute, trying desperately to remember where they were, "It's a big... a big… umm… daddy called it… called it a… penthouse…" she sniffled, wiping tears from her eyes with her sleeve._

_ "Ok, can you tell me anything else?" Her grandmother's voice was soothing, calming, like when she told Alexis stories before bedtime, making it easier for Alexis to relax and think harder._

_ After several minutes, Alexis was able to describe what she saw on the trip there, and what she could see from her father's window, enough that her grandmother knew the area Alexis was talking about. Following another promise that everything was going to be ok, Alexis hung up and returned to her room to wait for her grandma's arrival._

* * *

_ "Get the hell off of that couch you sick man! Get up and deal with this like the man you are!" She slapped him hard and shook him. Picking up the small number of remaining bottles of alcohol she walked to the kitchen and emptied them down the sink, still screaming, and making as much racket as she could, "Rise and shine you lazy ass! Up, up, up! People need you, and you need to stop this nonsense!" She threw away the empty bottles and banged around the kitchen as she found a small bucket beneath the sink and filled it with water._

_ Making a lot of obnoxious racket as she reentered the living room, Martha placed the bucket down and shook him again._

_ Castle groaned and turned his head, still keeping his eyes shut, but Martha could tell by his breathing that he was waking up._

_ "Richard Alexander Rodgers, I could care less if you are a drunk fool who's wallowing in some sadness about Meredith being gone! You need to get your fat ass off this couch and get a life again! You are the one who is also going to be doing so whether or not he has a massive hangover from drinking for the past week and a half!" Slapping him again, she picked up the bucket and dumped it over his face._

_ Castle sat up blubbering and coughing as he wiped at his face, "What la- ell waz- at fo- dam-t!"_

_ "It's for you being a complete ass! I cannot believe that you are my son! I don't know what the hell went on between you and Meredith, but whatever it was does not in anyway give you reason to neglect your daughter and destroy your house! Both houses, I heard! The one you moved from in a day, and the one you've barely been living in for a week! My God Richard do you have any idea what could have happened to Alexis? Do you have any idea what you did?"_

_ His eyes became less glassy and he sat up straighter as he spoke, "Lexie? Where is she, is she ok?"_

_ "Do you really think I'd be here yelling at my drunk son of my granddaughter wasn't physically ok? Yea, she's fine, no bruises or cuts on the outside, but dear God she's a mess on the inside. This place is in ruins Richard, and you've destroyed you're daughter. You've shattered her with whatever anger caused you to become this raging, drinking monster," Martha sat beside Castle and looked him in the eyes, "What happened to make you do this to yourself? To Alexis, and this house? Huh? What made you move to a new house, and then destroy it?"_

_ Martha watched a deep pain settle behind her sons eyes as he looked away from her, wiping his face with his damp sleeve and speaking in a hoarse, slightly slurred whisper, "She was with someone else. She had an affair, and then lied to me about how long she'd been having it. She ruined our marriage, she ruined me, she ruined us, she destroyed everything…"_

_ "Meredith had an affair?" Martha asked._

_ Castle nodded solemnly, "What? Don't you watch the news?" He reached for the floor, not able to find the bottles he looked at his mom, "Where's the alcohol mother?"_

_ "I drained it, it's all down the drain."_

_ His fiery eyes locked with hers, "Why'd you do that? I need that!"_

_ Martha stood up disgusted and shook her head, "You know, forget this! When you're done destroying yourself, this house, and your daughter's soul, I still don't know if you should be allowed to have her in your custody. Sober up or I'm going to file for custody of Alexis, she does not need some half-assed drunk as a father who allowed his broken heart to take priority over the safety of his own daughter. She'll be at my house, when you're ready to face this like a man… and you're clean and sober, I may consider allowing you to take her back," turning around she stalked back out of the house, slamming the door behind her._

* * *

"_Coming," Castle heard his mother call from inside the small house._

_Taking a deep breath he stuffed his hands into his pockets and hoped that she and Alexis would be able to forgive him. After his mother left he had had no contact with his daughter for a whole four and a half weeks. He'd gone out and bought more to drink, smashed more holes into the walls, broke more furniture… with every bloody knuckle he obtained all he could think about was his baby girl… and so he shattered the booze bottles and started his horrible journey of becoming sober again. All the while wondering why he'd allowed himself to get so worked up about it. He never had a problem with alcohol before, so why'd he choose to drink?_

_ He'd gone to a lawyer about divorce papers, and then went to see an old friend to talk about why he had decided to do some of the stupid things he'd done in his moment of shocking weakness. Nothing had really come out of the conversation, but he'd vowed never to do it again. It was stupid, letting Meredith get to him in such a way, giving her something to use against him. Rick had even called a cleaning company, off the books, to have the penthouse totally remodeled for double the price so long as it remained off the books. He couldn't let Meredith win._

_Looking up when the door opened he wiped away a tear and put on his best smile, "Can I see Lexie?"_

"_She's not here right now."_

"_Can I come in and wait?"_

"_Are you ready to face your problems like the grown man you are? You ready to commit to forever spending your life making up for this hole you've torn in your daughter's life? Are you ready to promise to handle your anger and sadness in the right ways? Whatever possessed you to do what you did, I don't know, because I did not raise my son is such a manner."_

"_Yes, more than anything. I need my baby girl," he replied seriously, looking her in the eyes._

_Martha moved aside and allowed him entrance, "She should be back any minute."_

"_Thank you. Can I have a large glass of ice water?"_

"_Help yourself, ice is in the freezer, water's in the fridge. You touch the liquor cabinet and I'll kick your ass out of here so fast your head won't stop spinning for a year. I don't care if you're my son, my granddaughter comes first in this sick situation you've gotten yourself into."_

_Castle nodded and went to the kitchen. Returning he joined his mother on the couch, "Thank you, for being there for Alexis when I couldn't be. I should have put her before myself, but I didn't."_

_Martha sighed, and gave a small smile, wrapping him into a loving hug, despite his childish squirreling, "You're welcome."_

_They sat in a comfortable silence for the remainder of the wait and as soon as the door started opening Richard was on his feet and making his way towards it, "Lexie."_

_Alexis looked at him as she closed the door slowly behind her, "Dad?"_

_Richard knelt on the ground and held out his arms, "I know that it's been a long time. I know that I have hurt you, but I want to make it better. Can we do that? Can you help me make things better? I've got a team ready to redo the new place, just the way we want… just the way you want. OK?"_

_She took a few steps forward and asked, "What about Mom?"_

"_We'll take care of mom after we take care of us. We come first, you and me, together forever. The new and improved super group, just the two of us, the dynamic duo. Please baby girl?"_

"_No more holes in the walls? Or shatter glass? Or broken couches?"_

"_No more, I'm all done, that's all over. I promise, I won't ever hurt you again."_

_Alexis allowed a small smile to grace her lips as she ran forward and let her father sweep her up into his arms, "I promise pumpkin, I'm all done being mean. No more breaking things, especially your heart."_


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: So happy I finally found some time to finish this chapter! It's been forever, I'm sorry for making you wait so long! I like leaving my readers hanging, but not for this long. Very sorry, please forgive me.  
I hope you like this chapter, it didn't turn out quite they way I would have liked it, but it's done and posted, and I know that if I drawl over this anymore then it won't ever get posted. Enjoy. :)**

* * *

Ch. 28

Survival

Kiley sighed and ran her hand along her neck. Turning the corner she stopped shocked at the sight before her eyes. The wall had at least six or seven large holes in it, chairs were overturned, there was something red (that she hoped wasn't blood) on the floor, as well as strips of some sort of fabric.

Castle was curled in a tight hug with his daughter, and one of the detectives was stood by with the M.E. at his side. They looked just as confused as she felt. Stepping over to them weary, heartbroken, frustrated, and confused she asked softly, "What happened?"

Esposito looked at her, "Castle happened, that's what."

Raising her eyebrows she shook her head unsure she had heard right, "Excuse me?"

Lanie nodded, "Yeah, Castle blew up sometime after you took Kate away. We don't know quite when or everything that happened because we weren't here." She frowned before asking, "What happened with my girl?"

"She was crashing, the drugs she was given while she was away damaged her body, apparently more then we thought. During whatever happened an artery behind the small intestine was weakened so badly that when she moved after she woke up it burst open in three places…"

"How was this missed? Was there any indication that something like this would happen?"

"No not at all. With all the activity she's been doing there wasn't any sign this much damage had been obtained. It's a wonder that they didn't burst earlier, and a miracle they burst while fast medical attention was available. Had she not been here the chances of her survival would have been very slim."

Lanie had concern, and shock written all over her face as she questioned, "Well, how is she now?"

"Stable, and alive, in ICU. Heavily sedated and we have to start weaning her off the morphine to try and not get her addicted to it."

"So she'll make it? Right?"

Kiley shook her head, "I can't say. I want to say yes, but then if she doesn't make it, I would feel awful for saying she would." She looked at the two figures still sitting on the floor, "So, Richard really did all of this?"

"Yeah, he was trying to go see Kate. Said that he had already let her down enough and didn't want to let her down again by not being there for her. He was mad, and the poor security guards probably never imagined someone like him beating them up. Detective Esposito got a hit too while he was trying to pin him down. Alexis came in and it was like giving him a massive sedative, he was calm almost immediately." Lanie ran a hand down her face and sighed, "Oh, and Castle will pay for any damage inflicted."

"That's go-"

"Oh dear, what happened here?" Martha interrupted Kiley as she saw the destroyed hallway.

"Your son had a melt down, a huge melt down that consisted of destroying things and beating up a few security guards be-"

"He didn't…" Martha cut her off words trailed off and she stalked towards her son, "Richard! You broke your promise. Alexis, you know what the deal was, you're coming to live with Chet and me from now on."

Lanie and Esposito looked at each other simultaneously, raising their eyebrows, "What the hell?" Lanie whispered.

"I have no clue."

* * *

/ "No, Grams, he didn't mean to. Kate, she was crashing and he didn't know what was going on. He's going to make it better. He said he's going to pay for any damage. Please Grams, he won't do it again. It's been so long, he's done so well. The stress from Kate's condition threw him overboard. It won't happen again I promise, he promises," Alexis moved out of Castle's lap and basically bowed down to her grandmother while she pleaded.

"He broke his promise, and I'm not going to break mine."

Castle stood up and stared his mother in the face, "I didn't drink. Yes I got mad, but no booze. Don't take her away, I may already lose Kate, I can't lose my daughter."

"Richard Alexander Rogers, you swore that this would end. You swore that the damage caused would be left at your old house."

"It has been mother. I can control my drinking now, I control my anger. Don't make me lose Lexie, don't take Lexie from me," His voice was even and sincere but his eyes were distant, remembering, and filled with pain.

"You are the one who's causing her to be taken. Richard, we made a deal and that deal has been broken."

"I didn't drink. The deal hasn't been broken. Don't take my Lexie away."

Alexis had tears streaming down her face from the continuous use of her old nickname, "Daddy stop. No more. I'll go ok, I'll go and then come back. Ok? I'll go with Grams, just no more."

"Lexie I didn't drink. Daddy didn't drink, so there is no reason for you to be taken from me. Daddy was just angry, I didn't drink baby, so you can stay with me,"

* * *

/ "This is messed up. He's treating her like she's five. Do you have any idea about what's going on?" Esposito asked the two women standing next to him.

"I've never heard him call her Lexie before, and no, I don't have a clue." Lanie answered.

"This is the most intense I've ever seen Martha get. I mean, sure I haven't talked with her often, but she was always a big party person, not a stickler."

"She didn't even ask if Kate was ok. Something is not right here and it's starting to scare me a little. Look at his eyes, God I've never eyes that look that hurt in my life. All his defenses are down, he's so vulnerable.."

"Maybe that's why he's calling her Lexie. But what's this about Alexis being taken away and drinking?"

"I haven't a clue Javi. Castle's always drinking something at one time or another. If he were an alcoholic he wouldn't do that."

"This is the first time I've ever seen him so aggressive. Man, my chin still hurts and I bit my tongue pretty hard."

"Was there something in his past maybe? Has he ever mentioned anything he did once that involved drinking?" Kiley asked.

"No, not that I can remember."

"Yeah, same here, not a thing."

* * *

/ "Dad, please, I'll go with Grams for the night, and come home tomorrow. That way you don't have to worry about getting me fed or getting me anywhere I may need to go. You can then have all the time with Kate, and I won't be here to complicate things."

"I can't let her take you if I didn't break the deal Lexie."

"Right now Kate needs you, and me going with Grams gives you that time to be with Kate and not worry about anyone else. Grams will drop me off at home tomorrow afternoon. You'll have almost a full twenty four hours to take care of Kate. Please Daddy? For Kate, and for me, can you please just let Grams take me back with her?"

Castle glared sharply at his mother before speaking, "Tomorrow, four o'clock, she's back at my loft. No later."

"Fine," Martha replied coldly before turning on her heel, "Come on Alexis, let's leave your dad so he can take care of Kate."

"Don't forget to make this right Dad, you promised to pay for all the damage you caused," Alexis gave her father a hug before following behind her grandma. Before she got out of sight she turned and air texted, then pointed to herself. When her father nodded she blew a kiss before jogging to catch up with Martha.

"Castle, what the hell was that about?" Esposito asked.

"None of your concern Javier. Where's Katie, can I see her? What happened?"

"She's stable at the moment, an artery burst unexpectedly. For now no visitors until we know that nothing else is going to go wrong. I know that we did allow her to put pressure on her wrist wounds by letting her use crutches. We also allowed her to drive, but after whatever happened the injuries have gotten worse and to use the crutches now, or drive, would not be the correct thing to do especially because we shouldn't have allowed it when we first released her. If she's to go anywhere it's to be in a wheelchair," Kiley said professionally.

Castle took in a deep breath before speaking, "She's not going to like being stuck in a wheelchair. Let me know as soon as I can see her. I'll write a check for the money to repair all the damage I inflicted, unless you want cash, I can work that out too."

"No, um, a check is fine. I'll take it and hand it off for you, take some more stress from your shoulders."

"Thank… you, Doctor Anderson."

"Mr. Castle, please, call me Kiley. Any man in Kate's life is a man who I am most willing to get to know, and if not you then I, need the comfort of someone who knows her during this time."

Castle sighed before smiling softly and putting out his hand, "It's nice to make your complete acquaintance… Kiley. Call me Rick, and I'm most certain that my fiancé, and your friend, is in the best of hands."

Kiley accepted his offer and shook firmly, "It's a pleasure to get to know you, Rick."

* * *

/ _Castle ran a hand down his face for the umpteenth time. Looking at his watch he sighed noting that she hadn't given him a time she'd arrive. _Cool it Richard, take a deep breath and relax. Katie's fine, there's no reason for saying she isn't. All she's doing is a drive-by, in her civilian car. See, nothing to worry about…

_"Mr. Castle, would you care for a drink?" Rick looked up from his watch to see the waitress he always had on Saturdays standing there._

_ "Jessi, I didn't know you worked these hours? What about school?"_

_ "On break for a week. Need the extra cash to help pay the rest of my way through this semester, so I took some extra hours. It's nice to see you out and about this fine day. Waiting for Miss. Katherine?"_

_ Castle chuckled, "Sure am. Hey, you know what?"_

_ "What?" Jessi smiled._

_ "I am cordially inviting you to our wedding. Though no dates have been set yet, I want to make sure our wonderful waitress is there."_

_ "I can't be at your wedding! I'd make a total fool of myself. Mr. Castle, as you can already tell, my career as a singer is not picking up like I would like it to."_

_ "Then come sing at our wedding, even if it's just one song. Please, Jessi, I bet if Katie were here she'd think it was a great idea."_

_ "I would just make a fool of you because you chose me instead of someone famous."_

_ "Trust me when I say, you need to have more faith in yourself. You would do a terrific job, and in return for singing at the wedding you would be on the news and have more fans, and from there your music career would pick up and you wouldn't have to work here to pay your way through school."_

_ "But who's going to serve you?"_

_ "I think Katie and I would be able to train a new waitress to remember our usual orders." Castle laughed before continuing, "Just think about it, you have a while to decide and maybe you won't be able to make the date we choose, but if you ever want to practice singing, I would love for you to come and sing for me. That time I heard you sing here, you have a beautiful voice and I would love to help you get to do what you love. Now then, back to your very first question, Jessi, I would love my usual martini please."_

_ Jessi smiled and shook her head as she laughed a little, "Sure thing Mr. Castle, and I'll think about your offer. See you in a bit with your martini, Kara should be by with your food in a while."_

_ "Thank you very much." Castle smiled before she walked back into the restaurant. He looked at his watch again and sighed. _Relax Rick, she'll be here.

….

It's been over thirty minutes… all she was doing was a drive by… where is she? _Castle felt a bead of sweat forming on his forehead and a lump of fear growing in the pit of his stomach. Pulling out his phone he called Esposito._

_ "Hey Castle."_

_ "Esposito, have you heard from Beckett?"_

_ "No, I thought she was with you at Remy's."_

_ "I'm at Remy's but she is not… unless she's invisible… which actually would be awesome… but that's besides the point."_

_ "Hold on, let me ask Ryan." Javier said, "Hey, bro! Have you heard from Beckett?"_

_ Castle heard the clicking of a phone and then Detective Ryan's voice was speaking, "Castle how are you?"_

_ "Ryan, just answer the question I asked, he doesn't need two people speaking to him," Javier spoke._

_ "Nope, I haven't heard from her either. Thought she was with you."_

_ "She was supposed to show up after driving by the address Esposito gave her, but she hasn't showed or called yet."_

_ Esposito let out a sigh before speaking, "Here let me try her cell."_

_ "Yeah, smart idea, and I'll try her home," Ryan agreed._

_ Castle listened to them say two different things as they called her with their cell phones, only to be even further discouraged when both of them announced that they had reached her voicemail._

_ "Look, we'll wait a while and see what happens. If she doesn't show up in the next twelve hours we'll start sending out search groups and follow any tracks she could have taken from the station, to the address and then to Remy's. She's been working herself so hard I bet she pulled over somewhere and took a short nap," Javier said in efforts to give Castle some sort of comfort._

_ "Why can't we send out groups now?" Rick asked._

_ "We'll already be sending them out early if she doesn't show up in twelve hours or contact us in some way, and we don't want to look stupid if we send people out and she just got caught in some crazy traffic or something," Ryan answered._

_ "Yeah… sure… right, I'll talk to you later then."_

_ "Talk to you later."_

_ "Later bro."_

_ Castle hung up and sighed, running a hand down his face as he picked up the smoothie he had ordered for Kate and began drinking it. _She's fine, don't worry… she just lost track of time… yeah, that's what happened. _He let his eyes drift to the street and watched the cars speed by… _I hope…

* * *

/ "Hey Mom!" Dr. Anderson looked up from her paperwork to see her daughter run in.

"Hayley? Hi, I wasn't expecting you to be here, Pop picked you up right?" She asked as her daughter came over and kissed her cheek.

"I asked Pop-pop to bring me down so I can have dinner with you tonight. He's coming up with Mexican but needed to get some writer's autograph first."

Kiley smiled at her daughter and laughed as she stood up, "You know, how about we go find Pop? The writer he's getting an autograph from is in fact Aunt Kate's fiancé."

Hayley squealed and clapped her hands together, "Auntie Kate's getting married! No way! Why didn't I ever hear of this?"

"She's good at keeping secrets huh? But I'm surprised that you don't know since you're always in the loop of things going on, it was all over the news for a whole two days, and you missed it."

"Maa-om! I have more important things to do then just watch the news."

Laughing again she linked her arm with Hayley's and stuck her tongue out, "Yeah, like painting your nails black, caking on layers of eyeliner, and making your lips a dark cherry red."

"Hey… you said that if I pay for my make-up then you wouldn't care!" Hayley said defensively as they began walking from Kiley's office.

"That doesn't mean I can't tease you about it."

"Yeah, so that means I can tease you about burning a spatula to the pan!"

"Touché, touché."

"Hey can I see Aunt Kate?"

"I think we can arrange that, but she may be asleep, so don't get your hopes up on talking to her. She's had a rough time and right now I haven't let her fiancé go in to see her, so he has first visit tonight."

"That's fine, at least I'll get to meet my Uncle."

"Yeah you will. Think it's cool that your Uncle's famous?"

"Oh yeah!"

"You know, I have an idea, it may not be as great as seeing Kate, but if you don't get to see her would you like to come with me to change the bandages of the girl who helped to save Kate's life?"

"Meet my Aunt's savior! Mom, how is that even a question? I owe her my life! I can't wait to thank her!"

"Let me tell you though, she's in a coma, so don't expect any responses."

Hayley's smile faded as she answered, "Well, at least I'll still be able to thank her for saving my Aunt's life. Better then nothing right? Besides, you've talked with Mikeal before that talking to a comatose patient can help them find their way back."

"That's true Hayley, and I bet she would love to have someone about her age talk with her."

Hayley winked and smiled widely, "Then I'm the perfect girl to do just that!"

"Cause we all know how you can rattle off a storm."

Hayley stuck out her tongue and giggled as she bumped hips with her mom, "And I know just how much you all enjoy it."

"Um, that we do. In fact, I bet that Uncle Castle would love to hear you talk, he's a big talker himself."

"Wonderful! Then we're bound to get along!" Hayley smiled as she spotted her Grandfather at the far end of the hall talking with a tall brown-haired cutie, "Kate's caught herself a good one, I can tell."

"She has, just wait until I show you the holes he punched in the wall after we took her away for emergency surgery."

"What happened?"

"Aunt Kate was crashing, an artery burst, but she's stable now and after I look her over, check vitals, and start taking her off the sedative I bet that I can let you two pop in."

Speaking of pop… Hey Pop-pop! Mom and I came to find you."

The older man turned around and smiled, "Well there's my beautiful daughter, come here Kiley."

He put out his arms and Anderson released Hayley to give her father a hug, "Hey dad."

"Kiley I want you to meet Mr. R-"

"Richard Castle, yes father I know. He's the fiancé of one of my patients."

"What?" He asked bewildered, "And you didn't think of calling to tell me? Had I not come down here with Hayley I would have missed my chance to meet such a wonderful man."

"No, Pop-pop, that's just it! Mr. Castle isn't just any patient's fiancé! Pop-pop, meet Aunt Kate's future husband! He's going to be like your son-in-law!"

"Wait, so Kate's your patient? I thought they didn't allow doctors to operate on family?"

Castle furrowed his brow and cleared his throat, "Excuse me, may I please be brought up to speed here?"

Kiley smiled, "I'm sorry. Rick, this is my father Nathaniel, and my daughter Hayley. As I have mentioned, I have known Kate since the second grade, she can read me like one of your books lying open on the counter. Kate was in the hospital room when Hayley was born-"

"I know she's not my real Aunt, but she loves being called Auntie Kate, and since my mom and she are practically sisters anyway, it doesn't make any difference to anyone. Even Pop-pop says that Kate is the daughter he and Nanna never had. We're a big close knit, non-related family. That's what Pop-pop means, she is family to us and doctors aren't allowed to operate on family, but mom and Aunt Kate aren't really family so mom can still operate on her. Not only is my mom a practitioner but she's also a surgeon, so she does both. Sometimes she's here in the hospital, other times she's in the doctor's office. She has two offices!" Hayley piped up, interrupting her mother.

Richard nodded, "I see… it's nice to meet you both."

"Look, we can explain the rest of this all later, how about we go to Kate's room and I'll see how she's doing. If everything looks fine then I'll allow you both to see her. Then I have to go to Cassidy's room to change bandages and check vitals."

"Sounds good to me," Castle agreed as Hayley and Nathaniel nodded.

* * *

**A/N: Review, review, review! :D Hope you liked it. :) So glad that I got this chapter up. For those of you also reading Bullet Through His Head I don't know how long it will take to get it updated, but I promise that I haven't forgotten about it. **

**Luv you all!**

**CrazyBeCat :D**


	29. AUTHOR'S NOTE

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

**I understand that there are people who are becoming impatient because I have been unable to upload any new chapters to either "Love Me Forever" or "Love You Through It".**

**This is to show you how busy I have been. Presently I should be asleep or doing homework I have been unable to get down. But I see that there is a concern that I need to appease.**

**Let me go in order:**

**I was gone for a month and a half without access to time for writing**

**My grandmother died**

**My best friend moved hundreds of thousands of miles away because of her parents' divorce**

**My great-uncle died**

**My great-aunt died**

**My cousin committed suicide**

**My aunt almost died**

**My problems with self-harm got worse**

**School started**

**People were spreading rumors**

**I got into a relationship, and the girl was only using me a fucking joke.**

**I had to have several meetings with school admins to figure out what was going on**

**I was forced to sit in a room with my parents and tell them I self-harm. They still only partially acknowledge that I am not mentally sound.**

**My best friend almost died in a car accident**

**I was able to pound out a few miserable, dark, and depressing One-Shots for Once Upon A Time while trying not to carve into my wrists with a kitchen knife.**

**I decided that there was already enough darkness in my Castle stories that more would not end well and everyone would just end up dead, which wouldn't make anyone happy**

**My therapist discussed with my parents about putting me on anti-depressants and they flipped because they feel that I don't need them, but in fact, I believe that maybe I do.**

**Some people I thought were my friends decided they wanted to join in the rumors.**

**My parents still have a time limit on my computer, because I do not have my own, it is a shared desk-top that crashes at least twice a week.**

**My brother, after getting into an argument with me, retaliated by dumping my flash-drive into a bucket of water.**

**My parents are still treating me as if I'm worthless, and as if I am not emotionally troubled.**

**I carved deep enough I almost thought I may have needed to go to the hospital, but I was able to get the bleeding to stop. My parents don't know because they don't listen to me. I almost tried to tell them, but they just ignored me, then called me selfish because I had interrupted their conversation.**

**So yea...**

**I've been busy. I get that some people may be impatient, and I _s__i_n_c_e_r_l_y_ ****a_p_o_l_o_g_i_z_e that the cruelness of life has gotten in my way.**

**So yea...**

**I'm hanging on the edge, my therapist is almost ready to tell my parents to institutionalize me, which would take me away for even longer. So, please, how about I work on my sanity before I try to work on my stories. Because my sanity is where I will find the ability to write anything but death, suicide, murder, pain, misery, and destruction. **

**Sure, I write a lot of that... but at least there's some happiness throughout... but when I tried working on chapter 8 of LYTI? You wanna know what happened? I killed Lanie, and Javie, and then Ryan got shot, and Kate got hit by a car and died, and then Castle in his insanity got drunk and blew himself away. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? HUH? No... didn't think so. So soo_orr_y I decided not to post it.**

**My life has taken a rapid spin for the worst, and I'm just starting to dig myself out. I'm just starting to unbury myself. I don't need comments from people saying 'DON'T JUST SAY YOU'RE BUSY!'  
Because you know what? I write for me. I love to share it, I love sharing and having others read. _BUT I WRITE FOR ME!_**

**What I write is FOR ME! A sense of hidden reality that helps me grasp at what I will never have. But right now, the only thing I'm grasping at is life, and that makes me write about death. If you want that, then fine. I'll post that. But I'm not the most sound of mind as of present, but decided that maybe my thoughts and graphic displays of hacking away at body parts would not be the most appropriate.  
**

**So here you go. This is for those who have been complaining. This is for you to see that you're adding to my misery. Do you think that I don't know you guys want me to upload more? Do you think I enjoy not being able to write and finish my stories?**

**I do hope you understand,**

**With love,**

**CBCMH**


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